


inmate 201

by clexaclub



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Character Death, F/F, Get ready for a wild ride, Heavy Angst, background Octavia/Lincoln, clarke is accused of voluntary manslaughter, they have a cute daughter named Kennedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24433462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexaclub/pseuds/clexaclub
Summary: Clarke Griffin-Woods' new name is inmate 201. Lexa, her estranged wife, works tirelessly to raise their young daughter and prepare for Clarke’s upcoming trial. Lexa knows her wife could never hurt someone on purpose but, when new evidence emerges, she is not sure what to believe. Someone is also trying to hurt Clarke on the inside.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Anya/Roan (The 100), Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 154
Kudos: 398





	1. Chapter 1

The chaotic sounds of banging on bars, moans, and shouting were sounds Clarke Griffin-Woods heard all day. The clicking of her cell being opened was her cue to stand. Gustus waited just outside the small room as Clarke approached with her wrists out. 

The cuffs were tight, but Clarke was used to the feeling. The chains around her ankles were not something she could ever get used to though. She found them completely unnecessary. She had no intention of breaking any prison rule, such as trying to fight a guard, because she would lose privileges. Her current situation was terrible and, as Gustus liked to remind her, things could always be worse. But today was Sunday and Sundays had taken on a whole new meaning the past six months. Clarke had little to look forward to anymore. Only Sunday mornings. 

Gustus led her down the hall and toward the visitation room. The shackles were loud in the abnormally quiet hallway. He stopped before getting to the door and removed the metal restraints. It had become an unspoken arrangement between them. Clarke did not want her daughter to see her like that and Gus was human enough to understand. 

* * *

_[Five Months Earlier]_

_“Please,” Clarke said. “Can you please take these off before we get there? I won’t try anything. My daughter’s only four. She doesn’t understand.”_

_“Quiet,” Gust said, pushing her shoulder lightly. “Keep walking.”_

_Her heart was pounding, and her hands were sweaty. Clarke was terrified to see her daughter but also desperate to be with her again. Everything had happened so quickly that she had been unable to say goodbye. It was now a month later and she was finally getting to see Kennedy again._

_Without a word, Gustus pulled on her brown jumpsuit, so she had to stop walking. He moved around to stand in front of her and unlocked the cuffs. Once Clarke was free of the metal confines, he opened the door. Her eyes landed on Kennedy and Lexa for the first time in a month since being in prison. The air was sucked from her lungs. They both looked terrified. She was not sure if they were scared of the surroundings or her._

* * *

As usual, Kennedy tried to get up from the chair and run to Clarke. Lexa held her back with a strong arm across her body. Any sudden movements made the supervising guards nervous. Even if they all knew Kennedy by now, the warden would have no problem removing Clarke’s visitation privileges. She was lucky to have any time with her family. 

“Mama!” Kennedy said, smiling. 

Clarke rubbed her wrists as she approached her daughter and wife. Lexa had a small grin on her face that was forced for Kennedy's sake. They may be separated, but Lexa did not want Clarke to be in prison. The fact that Lexa was willing to represent her in court signified that. Clarke felt incredibly guilty for dragging them through all of it.

There was now a gap between two of Kennedy’s front teeth. She stood from the chair and crawled in Clarke’s lap. Her arms wrapped their daughter. Kennedy’s blonde hair smelled like the strawberry baby shampoo she still used and Lexa’s apartment. Clarke kissed the top of her head and held her small face with both hands. 

“I see you lost another tooth,” Clarke said before kissing her once more. “Did the tooth fairy visit you?” 

“I got five dollars!” she said. “Mommy said we can go shopping.” 

Lexa opened the folder lying on the table. She took out a few papers. Lexa was nothing if not efficient and professional. 

There was a time in their marriage when Clarke longed to see Lexa in action like this. Her wife had graduated from law school while they were engaged. Long-distance had been hard, but Clarke passed the time by imaging Lexa in court. Most of her fantasies had revolved around Lexa wearing suits and high heels. Lexa’s video calls had given her something to look forward to after twelve-hour shifts at the hospital during residency. Clarke would give anything to go back to those days. 

“How did show and tell go?” Clarke asked. 

“She tried taking your mugshot from my briefcase,” Lexa said. 

Clarke's cheeks flushed as Kennedy pressed her face to Clarke’s stomach. She was embarrassed but not nearly as much as Clarke.

“I’m sorry, mama,” Kennedy said. “I wanted to show my friends that... that we look alike.” 

“It’s okay, baby. Did mommy give you another picture?” Clarke said. 

“Yes. I took one of me and you on my birthday.” 

Kennedy rested her cheek to Clarke’s chest as she sat backward on Clarke’s lap. This was everything she had looked forward to throughout the week. For these precious few moments, Clarke was able to hang on. Kennedy gave her hope.

“We should go over some of this stuff, Clarke,” Lexa said. 

Lexa’s hand sat atop the giant file folder that held every detail of Clarke’s case. Clarke had a feeling Lexa's apartment was covered with those papers. They normally did not discuss the case during Sunday visitation, but her trial was quickly approaching and they needed every second they could get. 

“Can’t you come back sometime this week?” Clarke asked. Her fingers were mindlessly braiding Kennedy’s hair. 

“I don't know,” she said flatly. “Kenny has dance classes on Tuesday and Thursday. I have a meeting in Maine tomorrow, so Anya’s babysitting until I get home. I might be able to swing by Friday. I have a feeling one of my court cases will be very short.” 

“Squeeze me in whenever. Whatever's good for you, Lexa. It's not like I have anywhere else to be.” 

“Don’t do that. That's why I brought the stuff today.” 

“I don’t want to talk about any of this in front of her.” 

Lexa put the papers back in the folder and closed it. She was angry as Clarke could tell from the way her eyebrows were scrunched together and the frown on her face. Clarke knew every one of Lexa’s expressions. 

* * *

_[One Year Earlier]_

_Kennedy was singing a Disney song as she ran up and down the hallway. She had a blanket tied around her neck like a cape. She watched it flow behind her as she ran. Clarke wanted to smile and laugh with her baby but things with Lexa had been so tense lately. It was hard to think of anything other than their recent fights._

_The sound of the garage opening caused Kennedy to take off through the living room and kitchen to throw open the side door._

_“Mommy!” Kennedy said._

_Her feet carried her down the stairs as fast as they could. Clarke would have normally worried about her falling but she was too distracted today. Lexa threw her keys on the table by the door and laid her briefcase down. She unbuttoned her jacket and tossed it on the back of the couch._

_“Do you want chicken tonight?” Clarke asked._

_“You’re cooking?” she asked._

_“Yes. I figured I would cook since I got off work early.”_

_“Whatever you want is fine.”_

_Lexa disappeared into the bedroom for a bit. Kennedy followed and Clarke could hear them talking as her wife changed out of her suit. When the two emerged again, Lexa was carrying Kennedy on her hip and wearing her lounge clothes._

_“Go play in your room for a little while, baby,” Lexa said, putting Kennedy on the ground._

_Clarke knew what Lexa was going to say and dread filled her. She was not ready to have this conversation. It was inevitable but Clarke was not ready. She was terrified._

_“Clarke,” Lexa said. She sat on a stool at their breakfast bar. “We need to talk.”_

_Clarke grabbed the package of chicken from the fridge and used a knife to cut it open. “About what?” she asked._

_“You know what. Us. Our marriage. We haven’t been... happy for a long time.”_

_“I have been.”_

_"Clarke,_ _don’t try to blame this all on me. You know as well as I do that you aren't happy. No one is to blame. These things just happen. I see it all the time.”_

_“Divorce, you mean. You want to divorce me?”_

_Clarke faced Lexa fully now. Her wife ran a hand through her long brown hair and stared down at the marble countertop. The countertop was new. Clarke had begged Lexa for marble countertops instead of the cheap countertops that were there when they moved in. It no longer mattered. The list hanging on their fridge of future home projects no longer mattered._

_“I don’t know what I want,” Lexa said. “But... we can’t keep doing this to Kenny. She asked me the other day why we fight so much now. I... I'm thinking about moving out for a while.”_

* * *

“I’ll do my best to come back this week,” Lexa said. 

Kennedy had fallen asleep. Clarke's hour was quickly ending. The familiar feeling of loneliness was overwhelming. With Lexa working and taking care of Kennedy, she did not have a lot of extra time to visit Clarke. It was convenient that Lexa was her lawyer because she could have unlimited visits to discuss her case. Lexa’s legal visits were less relaxed than their visitation visits. They had to speak to each other through a glass divider. 

“The next eight weeks will fly by, Clarke,” she said. “We need to be prepared.” 

Clarke moved a strand of her daughter’s hair from her face. Kennedy’s jaw hung open as she slept. It was reminiscent of when she was an infant. 

“Maybe they’ll fly by for you,” Clarke said, staring down at their daughter. 

“I need you to... care more or something. You know what's at stake, Clarke.” 

Clarke snapped her head up to look at Lexa. Lexa did not look like her wife right now. She looked like an attorney. 

“You think I don’t care?” Clarke asked

“No, I just need you to stay focused. It's easy for a person in prison to start thinking about certain things.” 

“I’m doing okay, Lexa. Did you find out anything about my medical license?” 

“If you’re found not guilty, you won’t lose it. The hospital has already fired you, but you could find a job somewhere else when you get out.” 

_When_. Lexa sounded confident and that had to mean _something_.

“And the house? Everything’s okay with the house, right?” 

“Yes. I've paid the mortgage. Everything else is shut off until you get out. I did pay the security company. The alarm stays on all the time.” 

“Thank you.” 

Clarke looked up at her _almost_ ex-wife and found herself grinning. Their time today was quickly ending, and Clarke was very sad about it, but at least she had someone who cared enough about her to come at all. Lexa might not want to be married to her anymore (especially after her stint in jail), but she was still taking care of Clarke. No matter what, they would always share a daughter and therefore always love each other.

If Clarke was found guilty and sentenced to prison for life, she knew their daughter would still have the best mother in the world. 

“Time’s up!” Gustus called. “Let’s go, 201.” 

Clarke stood from the chair and held Kennedy out for Lexa to hold. She kissed her daughter. Lexa adjusted her so Kennedy was on her hip. Clarke knew Lexa would put her down as soon as she was out of sight. Lexa thought Kennedy was too old to be held. 

“Thank you for coming,” Clarke said. “You’ll... could you read her that book tonight? You know... my favorite one?” 

“I will, Clarke,” Lexa said. 

Clarke kissed Kennedy’s face one more time before walking to the door. Gus opened the heavy metal door and led her into the hall. She held her wrists out to be cuffed once more.

“Mama!” she heard just before the door closed with a loud click. 

Gustus released the cuffs again when they arrived at the cafeteria. She spotted Raven already sitting in their usual spot with a tray. Clarke breezed through the line and sat across from her only trusted friend. She could feel women staring at her. This was a common occurrence when Clarke and Raven went anywhere. 

“My daughter tried to take my mugshot to preschool for show and tell,” Clarke said. 

Raven _laughed_. Clarke should be used to Raven’s weird sense of humor and carefree attitude. They had spent the better part of six months eating, working out, and spending their outdoor time together. 

“I can’t wait to meet her on the outside,” Raven said. 

“She’ll love that,” Clarke said. “Kennedy’s obsessed with tattoos, so I hope you’re ready to answer a question about every single one of yours.” 

Tattoos covered most of Raven’s exposed skin as she was a tattoo artist on the outside. Clarke's favorite tattoo was the webbing on the tops of her hands. Kennedy was going to be so excited to meet her. Raven’s trial was in a few weeks and Clarke prayed (maybe not to a god) that her friend got out. Raven did not deserve to be in here. 

“I’m ready to back into my parlor,” Raven said. “O and Linc are doing a good job as far as I know. You should let me tattoo you when you get out.” 

“Maybe I will,” she said. 

Lexa would be disappointed in her choice to get a tattoo but that did not matter anymore. As Lexa no longer wanted to be married to her, Clarke could do whatever the hell she wanted without any guilt. Maybe she would even let Kennedy watch. 

“Cellblock 200!” one of the guards called. It sounded like Murphy. “Outdoor time starts in three minutes!” 

Clarke had barely eaten anything. She was not hungry anyway. The two women stood and dumped their trays in the trash can by the door. It was, in fact, Murphy who had summoned them. He held the door open as the women from cellblock 200 filed out of the chow hall. 

They walked laps around the fence as the sun beat down on them. Most of the women were smoking as many cigarettes as they could or arguing over them. Cigarettes were the closest thing they had to currency here. 

“You meeting with your lawyer soon?” Clarke asked. 

Raven stared up at the sky as they continued to walk. It was a small, grassy (mostly dirt) space, but at least they got to stretch their legs. 

“I’m sure he’ll come around at some point,” she said. “He’s pretty confident my charges will be dropped. It's bullshit anyway. I wasn’t even driving the car. They didn't even give me a gun. I'm not sure if he believes me when I say that I wasn't involved in the planning, but we all can't have a hot lawyer wife, I guess.” 

Clarke had told the woman many times that they were, most likely, in the middle of a divorce. Before being arrested, they had been living apart for almost four months. Raven insisted that Lexa must still be in love with Clarke.

“I don’t know what I'll do around here without you,” Clarke said. 

“Go insane, probably.” Raven was _mostly_ joking. 

“Probably,” Clarke said. 

* * *

_[Six Months Earlier]_

_Clarke was scared. She had only been in prison for three days, and she doubted she would ever get used to her new harsh reality. Gustus seemed like a fair guard, but he still had a job to do. He banged on one of the bars as they walked past and two women quickly broke apart. They had been kissing on the bottom bunk bed._

_“Ooh. Look, it’s Blondie,” one of the women said in a suggestive tone._

_She bit on the inside of her cheek hard enough to taste blood. Gust tried to give her advice as they walked toward the cafeteria. She could not hear over the shouting of other women and the screaming in her head._

_When she got out of the food line, Clarke did not know where a safe place was to sit. For the past three days, she had managed to find an empty table. Everyone had a clique. Clarke did not want to fit in with any of them, but she also did not want to be alone. She had heard that bad things happened to women who were alone in prison._

_She sat at an empty round table and poked at her food. She had not eaten anything since arriving three days earlier. Without a word, another inmate took the seat across from her. They stared at each other for a very long minute. Clarke knew that this was not a good place to appear weak._

_Finally, the woman broke into a smile. “I like you,” she said._

_“Thanks?” Clarke said, unsure of where this conversation was going._

_“I’m Raven Reyes,” she said, holding out her heavily tattooed hand._

_“Clarke Griffin-Woods,” she replied, shaking her hand._

_“You’ve caused quite the uproar in our little community.”_

_“How so?”_

_“Well, just look at you. You stand out here. You probably have some fancy job on the outside and a fancy house.”_

_Those two things were technically true, but Clarke had no intention of confirming the information._

_“Look at me, for example. I look like a typical criminal,” Raven said._

_“What did you do?” she asked._

_“I was an accomplice to an armed robbery.”_

_Clarke had not expected Raven to answer the question at all or, at least, so bluntly. The way Raven said it suggested that she did the crime, unlike Clarke who was innocent._

_“What did you do, Clarke Griffin-Woods?”_

_“Nothing.”_

_Raven chuckled. She shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes in her mouth. The guard at the door called for them to clean up their trays and head outside. Yard time was arguably the most stressful part of Clarke’s day so far. (That would change by the end of the week.)_

_Clarke expected Raven to be among the women fighting over cigarettes, but she never left Clarke’s side. For once, another inmate did not hit on her the entire time._

_“So, you’re innocent, huh?” Raven asked._

_“Yes.”_

_“Okay then. What did you get charged with?”_

_“Manslaughter.”_

_Raven had not been expecting that. Clarke still had a hard time saying it aloud. How had her life gotten so fucked up in one year? Ten months ago, Clarke had been so worried about splitting custody with Lexa as their marriage fell apart. That was one of the reasons they stayed together despite their arguments. It was heartbreaking to think she would have to spend three days without the sounds of her baby laughing or running around the house as she stayed with Lexa._

_But now Clarke was not sure if she would_ ever _hear those precious sounds again._

* * *

At seven o’clock, Clarke returned to her cell. After outdoor time, they were allowed time to study and work. Clarke mostly sat in the library and read. It was always hard to concentrate no matter how loud or quiet the library was that day. Raven had napped on the rough carpet. 

She sat on her cot and let her legs swing. Raven was a few cells down as she had a roommate. Clarke did not. She was thankful for that. 

Clarke grabbed one of the medical journals from under her cot. The journal was already opened to the right page. There was a reason for that. She had written the research article featured in it. 

**The Effects of Previous Trauma and Addiction on Surgical Patients’ Recovery by Dr. Clarke Griffin-Woods, MD, MS**

She had spent the better part of last year researching and writing that article. She had always been passionate about medicine. Some of Clarke’s earliest memories were playing pretend doctor with her parents. 

Clarke hated to think of Kennedy growing up without her. Clarke had already missed so much, and she had only been gone for six months. She did not know what Kennedy’s preschool looked like. She was not there for her first day. Lexa had taken a ton of pictures that Clarke looked at daily. She looked adorable in her little plaid skirt and white knee-high socks. One of her favorite pictures was Kennedy in her school uniform and holding a sign that said, ‘I Love You, Mama.’ Kennedy had written the words and colored it herself. 

The hour passed quickly as Clarke flipped through pictures and journals to distract herself from the fact that it would soon be time to sleep. Clarke had not slept properly since being charged with voluntary manslaughter.

“Lights out!” Murphy shouted before everything went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	2. Chapter 2

_[Nine Years Earlier]_

_Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s bouncing leg. She was filled with nervous energy. Clarke was not even this anxious when she had an important surgery. Her ocean-blue eyes darted to one side of the street and then the other as they rode through their new neighborhood. It was no gated community, but they both loved the atmosphere of the place._

_Their new home sat at the end of the street. Clarke practically squealed when it finally came into view. She looked like an excited child and Lexa’s heart melted._

_“It’s the prettiest house on this street,” Clarke said._

_“It’s the best house in the whole world,” Lexa replied, shrugging._

_Clarke climbed out of the car before Lexa could take the keys out of the ignition. She ran up to the porch and stood on her tiptoes to look through the glass at the top of their front door. Lexa knew it was hard to see through the decorative glass._

_“Maybe you should use this to get inside,” Lexa said. The house keys were hanging from the keyring that was around her finger. Lexa had finished filling out the paperwork today but wanted to surprise Clarke with the keys. It had worked. Clarke screamed in excitement and threw her arms around Lexa’s neck._

_“You liar!” Clarke said, pushing her shoulder playfully. “You said we were just stopping by but couldn’t go inside.”_

_“Yeah, well... I just wanted you to hug me,” she teased._

_Clarke threw her head back and laughed. Her laughter took Lexa’s breath away. It always had. Even when things were at their worst with the long-distance relationship, Lexa had always been able to make Clarke laugh and lift her spirits._

_“I can’t wait to add your last name to mine,” Clarke said._

_She rubbed their noses together as Lexa chuckled. They had decided to hyphenate after weeks of arguing (not arguing) over whose last name they would take. Hyphenating was the perfect solution._

_Lexa insisted on carrying Clarke over the threshold. The blonde giggled the entire time, but Lexa could tell that the silly tradition made her happy._

* * *

If Lexa was being honest with herself, she felt extremely guilty. Her stomach was constantly in knots. She feared she would get an ulcer despite Clarke confirming years ago that stress alone did not cause them. Had Lexa not moved out of the house, Clarke would not be in this situation at all. She would be in their home with Kennedy. Lexa would have probably moved back in. 

Even though their house sat empty, Lexa could not find it in herself to live there. Clarke was obsessed with that house. They had bought it while engaged and right after Lexa graduated from law school. Clarke had been so excited. 

Kennedy jumped off the couch despite Lexa telling her three times to not jump on the furniture. She was too exhausted to argue with her strong-willed daughter tonight. Kenny was strong-willed just like her mama. There were many traits that Kennedy got from Lexa. Arguing was one of them. The four-year-old was willing to argue until blue in the face just as Lexa was. Clarke normally lets the two of them duke it out and not get involved. Kennedy was too smart for her own good. It was hard to argue with their child when she made excellent points. Once, Kennedy had argued that eating a cookie before bed would be good for her and won. 

“Mommy,” she said. “Can I have more juice, please?” 

“You can have water,” Lexa said. “It’s almost time for your bath.” 

She took the cup from her daughter’s hand and walked to the kitchen sink. Her apartment was much smaller than their house. Her apartment only had four-room and two were bedrooms. Lexa was still not used to being a single parent. Before Clarke was arrested and they were living apart, Kennedy would call her every day before bed. Kennedy would often fall asleep with Lexa’s phone in her hand. 

Lexa had never been in prison, but she had represented many people who had been. She knew they turned the lights out early. Clarke must have had a hard time adjusting to that. She was used to staying up late, reading or watching TV, and sleeping in until eight. Lexa was the early bird in their relationship. Kennedy was also an early riser, so they would have bonding time while Clarke slept. Lexa missed that. 

Kennedy wanted to be cuddled that night. She was always like this on Sundays after seeing her mom. They both had a hard time seeing Clarke like that. After six months, Lexa could barely look at her wife wearing the jumpsuit without wanting to cry. 

“Do you think mama misses me?” Kennedy asked. 

Lexa pushed blonde hair from her face and sighed softly. “I know your mama misses you,” she said 

“Will she call me tomorrow?” 

“If she can. Sometimes she... has things to do and can’t.” 

Lexa read to Kennedy until she fell asleep. The hardback children’s book was well-worn as it was Clarke’s favorite one to read to their daughter. Lexa had bought it for Clarke when she was pregnant since it was called Mommy, Mama, and Me. 

Lexa carefully closed the door behind herself as she left the room. She sat at the dining room table and grabbed her glasses. Her head hurt, but she still had work to do before she could shower and go to sleep. Taking Clarke’s case had been a natural decision but one of the hardest she had ever made. There was an immense amount of pressure. If Lexa made one mistake, her wife could end up in prison for life. Lexa did not want any of her clients to lose a case. But normal clients would not change the course of her entire life. 

Clarke had not murdered Finn Collins. There was no way Clarke could have murdered anyone. Lexa knew that. She knew her wife, the love of her life, was not a murderer. No matter what evidence they had against her, Clarke had not killed him. Proving that was the hard part. Lexa would not be surprised if she ended up in an institution after this was over from all the pressure and stress. 

Looking over the pictures of the scene was always hard. Lexa had seen pictures of dead bodies before in other cases even if she had not represented the accused murderer. 

Finn Collins’ body had been found in the woods on the night he and Clarke went on their first date. Clarke had not wanted to go out with him. She told Lexa that day he asked her out. Lexa had said that it might be a good idea to go out with someone else to see if she still wanted to be married to her. Lexa, of course, regretted that but it would not help to dwell on what could not be changed. 

Finn’s body was almost mangled beyond recognition. His face had been barely touched. There were only a few cuts on his cheeks as if someone had scratched him with their nails. Those cuts had been the main reason Clarke was arrested. His skin cells had been found under her fingernails. 

* * *

_[Six Months Earlier]_

_Lexa had just laid down in bed when her phone rang. Kennedy had demanded they watch a movie together since it was Saturday night and Lexa had not minded. She could barely think about anything but Clarke being on a date with someone who was not her right now. She wondered if they would have sex. Lexa could not even think about that._

_Clarke’s name was on her screen along with the silly picture she had taken of herself on their third date. That was the same day they had sex for the first time. Clarke had ended up staying the night in Lexa’s apartment._

_“Clarke?” Lexa asked after answering it._

_“Lexa, listen,” she said. There was an urgency in her voice that Lexa had never heard before. “Something really bad happened. I don’t even know but I’m driving, and I don’t know what to do.”_

_“What happened?” Lexa climbed out of bed and turned on her bedroom light. She made sure not to raise her voice in case Kennedy could hear._

_“He tried to... he kissed me, and I pushed him away and... Lexa, he just kept trying to...”_

_Clarke did not have to finish for Lexa to understand. Lexa wished she had never said anything about going on the date. She had not even wanted Clarke to go. Her heart ached and her anxiety was suddenly at an all-time high._

_“It’s okay, Clarke. Everything's going to be fine. You got away. Tell me exactly what happened.”_

* * *

Everything happened quickly after Lexa got Clarke’s call from her car. The cops had arrived at Clarke’s door a few hours later and arrested her for the death of Finn Collins. Lexa had not been called until six am. Clarke had asked for her lawyer as she was being interviewed. Clarke had not realized she was being seriously accused of murder. 

Lexa would never forget the look in her wife’s eyes when she arrived. It was pure terror and confusion. As quickly as things happened to bring Clarke into custody, they happened slowly after that. Clarke was not able to go home after the interview. Once the forensic team took scrapings of her hands and under her nails, they had enough evidence to keep her. 

As Clarke’s court date approached, Lexa lost more sleep. Their lives had already changed so much, but it would be so much worse if Clarke was found guilty. Lexa wondered if Kennedy would continue visiting her mom even after she did not have to. If Lexa had her way, she would visit her wife every single day. 

There were many reasons why that was impossible. Kennedy was unable to go which meant she would have to find a babysitter. Lexa usually had more work to do even after leaving the office. She was also unsure if her mental and emotional state could handle seeing Clarke behind bars every day. 

Thankfully, Lexa would not have another case to worry about after Friday. Clarke’s upcoming trial would be her only priority. 

Lexa was scrolling through some documents on her laptop, her glasses perched on the top of her head, and eyebrows scrunched together when Kennedy padded into the living room. She rubbed her eyes with her fist. Lexa did not notice her in the room until Kennedy rested her head on Lexa’s lap. She sighed deeply. 

“I want my mama,” Kennedy said, shakily. 

As expected, Kennedy began to sob. Her eyes were already red which meant she was probably crying while she slept or after waking alone in her room. That broke Lexa’s heart. She carried her crying daughter to the master bedroom and laid her on the bed. Lexa laid on the bed, too. Kennedy moved closer until she was lying across Lexa’s chest. 

The situation was heartbreaking. Kennedy had to spend four months away from one of them as they lived apart and then only seeing Clarke for one hour a week for the past six months. As upsetting as this was for Kennedy, Clarke was struggling more. Lexa could see it in her wife’s eyes. Clarke was such an amazing mother, but it was impossible to be the mother she wanted to be from prison. 

“It’s okay, baby,” Lexa said. “It’s okay to cry. Mommy is sad, too.” 

She ran her fingers through Kennedy’s long blonde hair. Clarke had not wanted to cut it. She liked fixing her hair. Clarke said it was their special bonding time. 

“I’m very, very sad, mommy,” Kennedy cried. “I want my mama to come home now.” 

“I want her to come home, too,” she said. “I know she wants to come home. She misses you a lot, Kenny.” 

“Aden said...” she said, sniffling. “Aden said people think that mama killed someone.” 

Lexa saw red. Aden, her nephew, was ten. Anya must have spoken to him about Clarke being in prison which she did not know if she agreed with or not. Clarke had not killed anyone. Anya should have explained to him that Clarke had been falsely accused. Lexa had wanted to avoid this conversation with her four-year-old. 

Lexa had asked Clarke what she was supposed to say to Kennedy when their daughter asked about why she was in prison. She had been unsure of the appropriate way to explain the situation to someone too young to understand. Clarke had just said that Lexa would know how to handle the situation should it arise. But Lexa had not been prepared. Clarke had been wrong. 

“Your mother did not kill anyone, Kennedy,” Lexa said. “Your mama saves people, remember? She fixes them.” 

“That’s what I told him,” she said. She rubbed her nose on Lexa’s shirt. 

Kennedy eventually fell asleep again and Lexa decided to let her stay in the bed. She did not want to sleep alone either. Lexa went back into the living room only to turn the lights off and shut her laptop down. It was already midnight. 

* * *

_[Four and a Half Years Earlier]_

_Lexa awoke with a jolt. She must have made a noise because Clarke reached over and turned on her lamp as she woke up too. Lexa felt guilty for waking her up when Clarke had enough trouble sleeping now that she was at the beginning of her third trimester._

_“Kennedy,” Lexa said. “That’s our baby’s name.”_

_“What?” Clarke asked. Her voice was thick from sleep and surprise._

_“Kennedy. She was in my dream last night and her name was Kennedy.”_

_Clarke looked down at her stomach. “She likes that name.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“Because she kicked me.”_

_“I thought you said she did that because she liked the sound of my voice.”_

_“Maybe she’s reacting to your voice saying her name. Say it again.”_

_Lexa smiled before moving down the bed a bit. She pushed the comforter up just enough to put her hand on her wife’s baby bump. There was something magical about it._

_“Kennedy Griffin-Woods,” Lexa said. “Do you like that name? You were in my dream.”_

_“Did you hear that?” Clarke said, speaking to their unborn baby. “Your mommy already dreams about you. She didn’t dream about me when we first met nearly as much as she dreams about you.”_

_Lexa laughed and leaned over to kiss Clarke’s forehead. “I did. I was just too embarrassed to tell you every time I did.”_

_“Kennedy Alexandria Griffin-Woods just told me something, Lex.”_

_“What? What did she tell you?”_

_“She said you have to rub her mama’s back until she falls asleep since you woke her up.”_

_“Complete manipulation. It's a good thing you two are so cute.”_

* * *

Clarke looked abnormally disheveled when she sat down on the other side of the glass. Instead of waiting until Friday as she said, Lexa managed to work in an hour on Wednesday. She wanted to talk to Clarke about what Aden said but, after seeing her, Lexa decided against it. Clarke seemed stressed enough. (As if she was ever not highly stressed.) 

“How are you feeling?” Lexa asked. 

“Tired,” Clarke said. Her voice sounded deep as it traveled through the small opening at the bottom of the divider. 

“Have you not been sleeping?” 

“No. There's a new girl and she screams all night.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Clarke shrugged. Her blue eyes were dim. Her hair was dirtier than Lexa had seen in a while. 

“I thought you weren’t coming until Friday,” Clarke said. “I... My shower day isn’t until tomorrow and...” 

She must have noticed Lexa looking at her hair and felt the need to defend herself. Lexa shook her head. 

“You’re always beautiful, Clarke,” she said. 

“How is Kennedy?” Clarke asked, embarrassed by the compliment. 

“She’s okay. She was upset Sunday after leaving. She cried for you that night.” 

“Did you let her sleep in your bed?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good. You know she loves that.” 

The guard by the door was watching the two of them and Lexa found it quite annoying. Clarke was not a dangerous criminal or an unruly prisoner. She had never broken a rule since being arrested. 

“Tell me again what you remember about the person who pushed Finn away from you that night,” Lexa said. “I know you don’t remember much, but the cameras outside the bar didn’t see anything.” 

“The cameras didn’t see anything, or the cameras didn’t see anything?” she asked. 

“I’m not saying that you’re lying, Clarke,” Lexa said. “I’m only telling you what I know. I'm getting a copy of the footage this afternoon. There was no one else in the parking lot beside you and him.” 

“I’m telling you, Lexa. Someone pushed him away. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have been able to get away. He would have...” 

Clarke twisted her hands together on top of the counter between them. Lexa had her notebook open in front of her on the other side. She was not allowed to bring her laptop inside, or she would be typing notes instead of writing. 

“I believe you, Clarke. But the jury is going to have a hard time believing that someone was there when it doesn’t show on video. It’ll sound like you’re covering something up.” 

Clarke ran a hand down her face and then rested her chin in her palm. Her elbow was digging painfully into the hard counter. She did not seem to care. Lexa doubted she felt it. There was nothing Lexa wanted more than to take Clarke home, bath her, and let her sleep in their bed. She wanted to wrap Clarke in her arms and protect her. Lexa was trying to protect her as well as she could with two inches of bullet-proof glass between them. 

“I keep trying to remember the night, but my brain made it fuzzy,” Clarke said. 

“That’s normal with all the adrenaline you felt that night,” Lexa said. “Maybe the person was wearing a black hoodie or maybe Finn pulled you into a spot out of the cameras?” 

“No, we were right by my car. He pushed me against it.” 

“What did he say?” 

Clarke pressed her palms to her face and then her eyes. The two had gone over that night too many times to count. Clarke hated to talk about it and Lexa understood why. 

“He said... he said that I wanted him and he... he shoved his knee between my legs. He tried ripping open my shirt when the person shoved him away. Finn stumbled and I got in my car and drove away.” 

“I’ll watch the video they’re sending me tonight. Call me tomorrow whenever you can, and I’ll let you know what I find.” 

Clarke yawned and nodded. “Tell me about Kennedy’s dance class? Is she going to be doing the recital this year?” 

“Her teacher said she’s improved a lot but she... she isn’t sure if it’s the best time with... everything else going on.” 

“You know... I've been thinking a lot lately about what it’s going to be like if I get out.” 

“When you get out, Clarke.” 

Lexa stared at Clarke’s locked hands. She was also looking down. Something had bothered her during the entire session, but Lexa had not wanted to push her. 

“No job. Everyone is going to recognize me from the news. Even if the jury finds me guilty, people will still think I did it. I'll be labeled as a murderer. I'll have to move.” 

She ran a hand through her dirty hair and gripped a chunk of it at the roots. Lexa almost reached out to pull Clarke’s hand away until she remembered the divider between them. Lexa understood her concern and she would be lying if she said she was not worried about Clarke getting out too. At least she would be safer on the outside than in prison. 

“Everything’s going to be okay, Clarke,” Lexa said. “I know it feels scary and... I’m not in your shoes, so I don’t know exactly how you feel. But selling the house won’t be a problem and we can move cities even.” 

Clarke was crying now, and Lexa’s heart was breaking more than it already had. 

“But I love that house and your firm is here,” Clarke said. She wiped her eyes with both hands. “It’s just so unfair. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t kill him, and my life is over because people think I did.” 

“Your life is not over. I promise you that.” 

“Yes, it is, Lexa. All because of a stupid... date. He didn’t even pay for my food that night. It's just so unfair. I just... I wanted to be a good mom, wife, doctor. Look at me now. I'm not any of those things.” 

“You are those things, Clarke.” 

Clarke sighed. Lexa could not tell if it was from the exhaustion she obviously felt or defeat.

“Well, I can’t be from here.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke was tired of showering while being watched by guards. She was sick of showering without doors and in the same room as other inmates. She missed her claw-foot tub. After a long shift at the hospital, there was nothing Clarke liked more than sinking into the hot water until her skin was numb. Kennedy would often sit by the tub and talk, color, or read. Sometimes, when she was not working, Lexa would sit on the ground with their daughter. 

Memories of her old life were nice to think about when she had nothing good here but also heartbreaking. She was ready to be home again. Even when returning home though, things would not be perfect. They would be harder than ever. Things with Lexa were not any better and now she would have to deal with the label of _murderer_ even on the outside. Even if she was found not guilty. 

She was exhausted. She was always on edge. The guards got off on watching the prisoners. Clarke was certain some of the women were sleeping with them. The male guards would slip those women food, cigarettes, magazines, drugs, or whatever they asked for. 

The towel she dried her body with made her skin worse than it already was. She was sure it left tiny scratches all over her dry legs. Lotion and oils were not things prisons got to use after a shower. As Clarke was led back to her cell, now wearing a clean jumpsuit, she thought she could smell the baby lotion Kennedy still used. Clarke was obsessed with that scent. She was obsessed with Kennedy. 

“Mail is on the cot,” Murphy (one of the few decent guards) said as he locked her cell. “Do you need to call someone today?” 

“Yes,” she said. 

“I’ll be back in an hour or two to take you to the phone then.” 

“Thank you.” 

The envelopes were already opened. Clarke was used to her mail being read, but it was still weird. She understood why. Some prisoners were addicted to drugs and had friends on the outside who tried to send some inside. Clarke, never having done an illegal drug in her life, did not have that problem. But what she did have were _admirers_. It was sickening. Men and women wrote to her all the time. It had been so sickening at first. She opened each one to make sure that is what it was before tossing them. 

She was about to throw out one of the letters when one made her pause. There were a few words that stood out. The words _Finn_ , _raped_ and _attacked_. Clarke sat down on her bed and began to read. 

_Dear Dr. Griffin-Woods,_

_You do not know me and will never know me. But I want to thank you for what you did. Finn Collins ruined my life. I have debated sending you this letter for a long time. Honestly, I'm not sure if you killed him or not, but the world is better now. I am happier than I have been in over ten years._

_I was a freshman in college when I was attacked and raped by him. I was a wreck for months and then I found out that I was pregnant. I would have never been able to love that baby the way I wanted to. Thankfully, another family could._

_I am still not the person I was before that night in college. The worst part of everything was that I did go to the police. I told them everything. Nothing ever happened. Maybe he had family on the force or something._

_I hate that you are in prison. You do not deserve to be even if you did kill him. I know he had done the same thing to other girls and he continued to for ten years after my attack. Many women probably had to go through the same thing I did and what I'm assuming you did or almost_ _did._

_You are my hero, Dr. Griffin-Woods. Thank you for giving me my life back. I no longer_ _look over my shoulder or sleep with the lights on. Finn Collins is_ _gone,_ _and he is not coming back._

Clarke fell back against the concrete wall with the letter in both hands. She could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips. There was no name and no return address from the woman who wrote it. Clarke let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. 

* * *

_[Three Years Earlier]_

_The baby monitor lit up red before Kennedy’s cries were even heard. Clarke did not wake up until her screams were loud enough to reach the monitor in the nursery. She turned over to tell Lexa that she would wake up and found her wife already walking out of the bedroom. Kennedy woke up more throughout the night now that she was one than she did when she was an infant._

_Clarke rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. She was so_ _comfortable_ _and warm, but the sound of Lexa’s whispering voice caused her to open her eyes again._

_“Come here, sweet girl,” Lexa whispered. “What’s wrong?”_

_“_ _Mamama_ _,” Kennedy said._

_“Are you hungry? Want me to take you to mama?”_

_Clarke heard Kennedy whine as Lexa changed her diaper. She was pretty sure she fell asleep for a little bit because the next thing she knew was Kennedy crawling around in their bed. Lexa sat down and chuckled as Kennedy pulled at their blankets._

_“Mama is sleeping,” Lexa whispered. She lifted the baby and helped her lay between them. It was already five in the morning which meant that Lexa would not be going to sleep anyway. There was no chance of Kennedy being hurt._

_Clarke chuckled when she felt Kennedy’s little hands slapping lightly at her back and chewing on her shirt. Lexa leaned over and kissed the back of Clarke’s head and then Kennedy’s. Eventually, Clarke was able to fall asleep again. She woke to the smell of coffee and breakfast on her nightstand._

* * *

Murphy, as promised, came to retrieve her for the phone call an hour later. She had read the letter, at least, ten times. She was not allowed to bring anything with her to the phones which she found rather annoying. Murphy released her hands and she dialed Lexa’s cell phone. 

* * *

“Point your toe, Kenny,” Luna said. “That’s right. Arms still out as you do.” 

Kennedy looked down at her ballerina shoe and pointed her toes. Her eyebrows were drawn together as she stared down. She looked exactly like Clarke always did when highly focused. Lexa had a feeling she would continue to look more like Clarke as she got older. 

“Mommy, watch me!” Kennedy said. 

Lexa watched her go through the motions a few times before doing her full routine. She was smiling wide as Luna complimented her. Kennedy liked her dance teacher and Lexa was happy with the studio overall. 

Her cell buzzed in her pocket. She stepped out of the room to answer. 

_“You are receiving a collect call from the DC Department of Corrections. Press one if you accept these charges.”_

Lexa pressed one and returned the phone to her ear on her way outside to the parking lot. She ignored the looks she received from other parents in the lobby of the dance studio. No other parent had spoken to her since Clarke’s arrest. 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked. 

_“Yes, it’s me. Did you watch the video?”_

“I did, Clarke. It... it isn’t good.” 

_“What does that mean?”_

“There’s no one else in the parking lot. It shows you two against your car, him trying to kiss you, and then you start pushing him away. There's no one else in the video, Clarke. Do you understand what I’m telling you?” 

_“Not really. I told you exactly what happened.”_

“You’re the one who pushed him away. You pushed him away and then drove off. Why did you lie to me? What else happened that you aren’t telling me?” 

_“Nothing, Lexa! I told you the truth. I told you what happened. I... I could have_ _sworn_ _there was someone else there. I... I'm not hiding anything. I... you’re sure there was no one else there?”_

“I’m positive.” 

_“Damn it. Fuck. Sorry, Murphy. No, no, it’s okay. Lexa, I don’t know what to say. I knew I had scratched his face and left the marks but... this looks bad for me, doesn’t it?”_

“I’m going to get you out of there, okay? Just because you thought something had happened...” 

_“Lexa, do you think I did it? Do you or did you ever think I killed him?”_

Lexa rubbed her eyes. She kept seeing the video in her mind. Never in her life had she been so surprised to see Clarke and Finn alone in that parking lot. Now, the state attorney had proof Clarke had lied in court during the first trial. Lexa would have to work doubly hard now to figure out a way to explain that. 

“No, Clarke. I know you didn’t do this. I've been a lawyer for almost ten years, and I know this looks bad but... I know you’re innocent, sweetheart. Okay? Everything's going to be okay. I’ll... I’ll figure something out. We can plead temporary insanity caused by the trauma of him attacking you and almost being sexually abused.” 

_“I shouldn’t have put you through this. I should have hired a different lawyer.”_

“Is that what you want? You want another lawyer?” 

_“No. You're my wife. I wouldn’t trust anyone else, not fulling anyway, but I feel bad for the pain this is causing you and Kennedy. I feel so, so guilty, Lexa. It doesn’t go away. It just... sits there. Our poor baby is so young.”_

“Clarke, you are _my_ wife and the mother of my child. Kennedy will bounce back from this when you’re back with us.” 

_“Back with you?”_

“Yes, back with me. I’m not letting you stay alone when you get out.” 

_“Oh, right.”_

“And we can talk about... the other stuff.” 

_“Lexa, I need to tell you something else. I almost forgot. Someone wrote me a letter. It was from a woman. She told me that Finn raped her when she was eighteen which was ten years ago. She said that he must have done it more than once like he was... let’s just say that he knew what he was doing, I guess. She filed a report at the police station. She didn’t mention where she lived or anything personal.”_

“I had a feeling that he was a serial rapist but had no proof. I'll investigate it some more. Maybe there are more complaints against him. That could help us.” 

_“Do you love me, Lexa?”_

“More than anything, Clarke.” 

_“I love you, too. Tell Kenny that I love her, please.”_

“I will. Her dance class is probably ending soon.” 

_“My little ballerina. God, I miss her so much. I'll let you go. It'll be lights out soon.”_

Lexa looked at her watch and saw that it was only six-thirty. Her chest constricted. She knew that Clarke was lonely. How could she not be? Lexa wished she could do more to keep Clarke busy. She did her best to send books and medical journals but those only provided so much entertainment. It was frustrating that she could not do more for her wife. 

“Alright. Call me back soon. We’ll see you Sunday.” 

_“Can’t wait.”_

Lexa listened to the dial tone for a moment too long before going back into the dance studio. The fearful looks from the other parents were easier to ignore now. 

“Mommy, catch me!” Kennedy shouted as she ran across the room with her arms spread wide. 

Lexa did as she requested and caught Kennedy midair. The little girl giggled which made Lexa smile. The phone call was momentarily forgotten as though everything was okay again. She wished for that anyway. 

* * *

_[One Year Earlier]_

_There was a ball of dread in her stomach as she drove home. The thought of walking into their house was exhausting and Lexa_ _knew_ _doing_ _so would be worse. She loved Clarke. Lexa knew that Clarke was her soulmate, the love of her life, but things had not been right lately. They had been fighting more than ever. Lexa just had a_ _bad_ _feeling._

_“I’m home,” Lexa called as she walked through the side door and from the garage where her car was parked. Clarke's SUV sat beside her own._

_“Mommy!” Kennedy said, running down the hall. She must have been in her bedroom. “Catch me!”_

_Kennedy_ _giggled_ _as Lexa caught her. She had jumped as high as she could which was not much on her little_ _three-year-old_ _legs. Clarke closed her laptop and stood from the couch. She barely looked at Lexa as she walked past them and into the kitchen._

_“Want to help mommy change out of my suit?” Lexa asked._

_“Yes,” Kennedy said. “You wear your puppy pants? I’ll wear mine. Mama wears hers, too!”_

_“Let’s go put them on then.”_

_Clarke did not put up a fight when Kennedy held out the third matching pair of puppy fleece pants. She put them on so all three matched. Kennedy loved it and asked that they watch a movie during dinner. Neither put up a fight about that either. It was only after they put Kennedy to bed that they spoke to each other directly._

_“You still think I’m cheating on you?” Clarke asked as she walked into the master bathroom._

_“I never said you were cheating on me!” Lexa said. “I just said that you had been on your phone a lot more lately. I was worried that something was going on.”_

_“When have I ever kept things from you?”_

_“You’ve been distant lately, Clarke. What am I supposed to think? We hardly talk anymore. We haven’t had sex in... I don’t even know how long.”_

_“That’s what this is all about? I'm not having sex with you enough?”_

_“Honestly, Clarke. That isn’t... I can’t even believe you said that. You know that isn’t what this is about.”_

_“I’m tired. Maybe I should sleep in the guest room tonight. I have to wake up around five for_ _surgery_ _in the morning.”_

_“Clarke, that’s when I wake up every day.”_

_“Fine. I’m going to take a shower.”_

_The bathroom door closed but did not lock. When Lexa slipped into the steaming shower five minutes later to apologize, Clarke was not surprised._

* * *

Lexa had a massive headache. She moved her glasses down her face from the top of her head. Kennedy was eating mac and cheese in the living room as Lexa worked on the dining room table. The movie playing was a little distracting, but she had no choice. Her case that day had ended early, as she expected, and she won easily. 

“Aunt Anya’s here!” Kennedy said. 

Kennedy had the curtains pulled back as she looked outside. When Lexa checked, her sister and son were climbing out of the car. She allowed her daughter to open the front door for them. 

“Hi, Aden,” Kennedy said, happily. “You come over to play?” 

He smiled and nodded. “I guess so,” Aden said. “My mom said we were coming over.” 

Lexa sat back down at the dining room table as Kennedy and Aden went to her bedroom to play. She had a feeling Kennedy would be showing him her new toys the entire time he was here. She felt sorry for her nephew. He was a good cousin to Kennedy. 

“Hey,” Anya said. 

Lexa hummed in response without looking up. 

“I came by to check on you and Ken,” Anya said. 

“We’re fine,” she said. “Thanks for telling Aden that my wife is a murderer by the way.” 

“What?” 

“Aden told Kennedy that people think Clarke killed someone. She was crying when she asked me if her mother murdered someone.” 

“I had to tell him something, Lexa. He was asking me about Clarke. He’s ten. He has friends at school who talk. You think you’re the only one who this is affecting.” 

“I don’t think that at all. I just don’t want to have to explain everything to my four-year-old.” 

Anya sat in the chair across from her. Lexa closed her laptop and stacked some papers on top. She did not have to go into the office tomorrow since it was Saturday, but she had a lot of work to do for Clarke’s case. The new developments from the security camera footage were going to be hard to explain in court. The state attorneys representing Finn Collins were already considering Clarke’s lie a win for their side. Lexa would be lying if she said she was not more worried now. 

“How is she doing?” Anya asked. 

“Pretty bad, I think,” she said. “She doesn’t sleep and now there’s a girl who screams all night long.” 

“The guards can’t do anything about it?” 

“What are they supposed to do?” 

“Isolate her or something?” 

“They would need a reason to do that and nightmares aren’t a good reason.” 

“You’re wearing your wedding ring again.” 

Lexa looked down at her hand and held it with her right. She twisted the ring, so the diamond was straight again. Lexa had taken it off when she moved into her apartment and put it back on after their phone conversation yesterday. 

“Yes. I am.” 

“Does this mean you two are back together?” 

“I’m not sure, but... Anya, what am I going to do if we don’t win? I only have seven weeks to prove that she didn’t do it and... there’s so much evidence against her.” 

“Like what?” 

“The footage of him trying to overpower her in the parking lot. His skin under her nails. The fact that his body was found near the hospital. The stab wounds on his body are the same size as a scalpel. She kept saying there was another person in the parking lot that pushed him away and... I watched the video and there isn’t.” 

“Wait. She lied?” 

“No, I think she got confused. I think she was scared and forgot that she had pushed him away from herself. He was trying to... hurt her, An.” Lexa rested her forehead on her arm. “This is all my fault.” 

“You had no idea this would happen, Lex. You were upset. She wasn’t trying to win you back either.” 

Lexa remembered how upset she had been with Clarke while they were separated. She had expected Clarke to try to make things right between them, but it felt like her wife just gave up on their marriage. She was fine with dropping Kennedy off on Wednesday and getting her again Sunday morning. Lexa had been so sad as the weeks passed without Clarke even trying to call unless it was about their daughter. 

“No, I mean... I told her to go out with him. Why would I do that? Why I tell my _wife_ to go out with someone else?” Lexa asked. 

“Because you were mad at her,” she said. “You can’t blame yourself for the guy ending up dead.” 

“You know she didn’t do it, right?” 

“I mean, I hope she didn’t. I hope you’re right. I want to think she didn’t.” 

“Anya, you’ve known Clarke for a long time. How could you even entertain the thought that she killed someone?” 

“Because I’m a therapist, Lexa, and I've seen what people can do when provoked. She's a surgeon, Lex. She would know exactly how to kill someone.” 

Lexa stood and put her hands to the table. “That doesn’t mean she did!” 

“I’m not saying she did it. I’m just saying that she could have. What does it matter what I think anyway?” 

“Because Clarke’s going to have to deal with people like you for the rest of her life even if she’s found guilty. She's already told me how scared she is to get out and face everybody. Anya, she’s scared to get out of _prison_.” 

Anya sighed and stared down at her hands. She twisted her thumbs around each other. They could hear Aden and Kennedy playing in her bedroom, but things were too tense to focus on it. Kennedy thought Aden was the funniest and best person ever. Lexa felt the same way about Anya while growing up. 

“Lexa, I don’t think she did. Okay? I know she didn’t. I know she would never do that to Kennedy. I know she wouldn’t do anything to lose _you_ either.” 

“I’m not sure if you can be in Kennedy’s life if you think her mother could be capable of murdering someone.” 

Anya stood now too and walked around the table. She stood in front of her sister. It was impossible to read Lexa’s expression with all the stress covering everything. Anya sighed softly and wrapped her arms around her sister. Lexa fought it for a moment. 

“Stop. Just... it’s just a hug. It looks like you could use it right now, sis.” 

Lexa wrapped her arms around her sister. She realized it was the first time she had hugged or touched another adult that was not a client since Clarke was arrested. She missed the feeling if she was being honest with herself. 

“She didn’t do it, Anya. She didn’t. And I'm not sure that she’ll ever be the same after this is over.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	4. Chapter 4

Raven got called for a meeting with her lawyer as soon as lunch ended. Clarke rarely had to deal with outdoor time alone anymore. She should be getting used to it now since Raven would probably be out by the end of next week. Even if she is found guilty, her lawyer practically promised no more jail time. Raven will probably get out with nothing more than a fine. 

Clarke thought about tomorrow and how excited she was to see her daughter again. It always felt so much longer than one week. She missed the freedom of holding her baby whenever she wanted. She missed a lot of things about the outside, but freedom was one that covered it all. 

She sun beat down on her face as she walked laps around the fence. Raven had been in good spirits during lunch. Her trial was something they discussed often. Raven did not seem nearly as nervous as Clarke did about her own, but Raven was not staring down the barrel of life in prison. 

“Heard your bodyguard is getting out soon.” 

Clarke did her best to ignore the voice behind her as she walked. She knew who it belonged to and had no desire to converse with her. She had made the mistake only once. 

“So, it’s true then. Reyes is getting out and the little blonde doctor will be all alone,” Ontari said. 

The women who followed her around laughed like hyenas. They followed Ontari around as if she were royalty and they were her guards. There were plenty of cliques in this prison alone but Ontari’s was the most well-known. Clarke had heard the rumors about Ontari even while staying out of everything. There was some big gang boss the girl worked for on the outside. 

Ontari stepped in front of her and Clarke stopped walking. “I’m talking to you,” Ontari said. 

“She isn’t my bodyguard,” Clarke said. She ignored the urge to roll her eyes. 

Ontari barely nodded at the girls to her side. Before Clarke could react, one of the girls behind Ontari stepped forward and punched her, hard, in the face. She fell back in the grass. Her vision was blurry, but she heard a commotion going on around her. The girl who punched her was being dragged out of the courtyard by two of the female guards and Ontari was now nowhere to be seen. 

She sat up and touched her hand to her cheek. When she pulled it away, there was a streak of blood across her fingers. She spat out whatever blood had pooled in her mouth from the new injury to her gums. There would be a bruise on her face while Kennedy was visiting tomorrow. That part scared her more than anything else. 

One of the temp guards took her down to the medical wing once Clarke had recovered. She denied any other medical care. She did not want to make a fuss of anything or lose her chances of seeing her family tomorrow. After her conversation with Lexa, Clarke was looking forward to seeing her wife in person. She always was. 

“I can do it myself,” Clarke said. 

“The stitches? You can’t do that,” the nurse said. 

“Yes, I can. I'm a doctor. I'm not letting you do the stitches on my face. No offense, but I wouldn’t let anyone else do them but me.” 

The nurse reluctantly handed her the suture kit. The cut on her cheek was small but deep from the ring the girl was wearing. They were not allowed to wear jewelry other than a small wedding band. Someone had slipped her the ring from the outside. It was designed to make someone bleed. 

Ontari’s friend had been put in solitary for the time being but Clarke knew she would be out before the end of the day. Ontari’s posse had a way of buying themselves out of trouble. If she was being honest, Clarke was scared. There would be no one to help her once Raven was gone. She could ask Gustus or Murphy for help, but the news would spread and her punishment for that would be worse. 

Clarke took her time stitching the cut. The cut was clean and even which was good news. She did not want to have a scar on her face. Clarke had to pause every few seconds to keep her hands from shaking. There was no anesthesia she could take here. 

Raven was standing outside her cell when Clarke arrived. Murphy had not bothered cuffing her. She could tell he felt sorry for her and thought something worst might happen. Perhaps he would keep her safe without Clarke having to ask. 

“Shit,” Raven said when Clarke got closer. 

Murphy did not even reprimand her for cussing. He unlocked Clarke’s cell and left it open. As he walked back down the metal stairs, Raven grabbed her face to inspect the wound. 

“That bitch got you good,” she said. 

“Yeah, I know,” Clarke said. “She had a ring on.” 

“Why did she do it?” 

“I don’t know. She said something about my bodyguard getting out of prison soon.” 

Raven sighed. She leaned against the metal railing to watch some of the guards talking down below. They were not far from a few women playing cards and joking around. It was already six. Clarke had missed dinner but did not care. Her stomach was in knots. It had been since Ontari spoke to her outside. 

“I’ll figure something out, okay?” Raven said. “I won’t let them pull this shit anymore.” 

“That’s what they’re banking on. You focus on your trial. I’ll be alright. I'll only have six weeks left after next week...” _If I get out at all._

The last words did not have to be spoken aloud for Raven to hear them. 

* * *

_[Twelve Years Earlier]_

_Clarke was trying to have a good time tonight. Residency had been stressful that_ _week,_ _but her friends invited her out because they wanted to meet the girlfriend they knew so much about. Lexa had wanted to meet her ‘fancy doctor friends’ for weeks now. Not one of the residents had been able to drag themselves out of bed for anything other than work until now._

_“So, the famous Lexa,” Wells said as he approached._

_Clarke smiled as she turned to face him. “Hey,” she said. “Yeah, this is Lexa. Lexa, this is Wells.”_

_“I’ve heard a lot about you, Wells,” Lexa said, shaking his hand. “And thank you for taking care of her when she was sick.”_

_Clarke had forgotten about being sick at work a few months ago. She had been scheduled to assist in her first surgery when she suddenly got nauseous. She tried to fight it for a while until she could no longer. Wells held her hair back while she vomited in a trashcan in the locker room. She had cried in Lexa’s arms that night because she was put at the bottom of the resident list again. It was a whole month before she finally got to assist for the first time._

_“Of course, yeah,” he said. “I got her back and she has mine.”_

_Clarke smiled at him. She was extra thankful to have him as a friend. They had not attended the same medical school but had met during their first week of residency at Ark Medical._

_“Let me get you two a drink,” Lexa said. “You two sit. I’ll be right back.”_

_Wells was smiling at Clarke after Lexa walked away and toward the bar to get their drinks. She finished the rest of her beer as she looked at him._

_“What?” Clarke finally asked._

_“You two are adorable,” he teased._

_Clarke rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” she said._

_He laughed. Clarke turned and looked for Lexa through the crowd. She was leaning against the bar as she waited patiently for the bartender to be free. Just as she started to look back at Wells, a woman approached Lexa. She stopped close enough to touch shoulders and Clarke felt the familiar warmth of jealously spread through her chest. Clarke did not think Lexa would ever cheat on her, but that did not mean_ _other_ _women would not try._

_They had been dating for two years and Clarke already knew that Lexa was the person she was supposed to spend her life with. Just looking at the other woman made her feel things that she previously thought were impossible._

_“I’ll be right back,” Clarke said, standing. Her eyes never left the woman now openly flirting with Lexa across the room._

_She could not hear Wells too well as she pushed through the_ _crowd,_ _but she was almost positive he_ _said,_ _‘go get your girl.’_

_Clarke pushed her way through the crowded bar until she was standing behind the woman hitting on her girlfriend. In the years they had been dating, Clarke had never felt this jealous of someone flirting with Lexa. It was probably the alcohol the fueled her internal fire._

_She wedged herself between them and faced_ _Lexa,_ _so their bodies were pressed together. “Hi, baby,” she said with a wide smile._

_Lexa was not fooled for a second. Her eyes were dancing with amusement as she looked down at Clarke. “Hi, sweetheart. I thought I told you that I was going to bring you a drink.”_

_“You did.” Clarke glanced over her shoulder and made eye contact with the woman. She rolled her eyes as she turned away from them and left._

_“Happy now?” Lexa asked, chuckling._

_“I would have been happier if I could have fought her. You know it’s on my bucket list to get in a fight.”_

_“You are the weirdest person in the world.”_

* * *

Clarke was more nervous today than she was the first time Kennedy and Lexa came to visit her in prison. Her face hurt and she had a headache from hitting the ground yesterday when she fell backward. The bruise looked terrible. She had not had time to call Lexa and warn her before lights out the night before. At least most of the bruise was covered by the white bandage protecting her stitches. 

As expected, Lexa was shocked to see the injury to her face. Clarke felt her cheeks heat in response to Lexa’s stare. Kennedy’s jaw hung up as if she did not know what to say. 

“Mama?” Kennedy asked as Clarke sat down. 

As she always did, her daughter climbed in her lap. She reached out and touched the bandage which made Clarke wince in pain. She took her daughter’s hands in her own and held them against her chest. 

“Hi, baby,” she said, grinning. “I’m okay. It’s just a little scratch.” 

“But it looks like my knee when I fell off my bike,” Kennedy said. “You ‘member that, mama? Mommy carried me and gots blood on her shirt.” 

“I remember that,” Clarke said with a smile. “You were so tough. You didn’t even cry.” 

“Did you cry, mama?” 

“No, it didn’t hurt that badly. I’ll be good as new in just a few days, my love.” 

Kennedy was satisfied with that response. She did not mention the injury again. Kennedy did talk about her dance class and her science project at school. They were growing plants and Kennedy had chosen a tomato plant. 

“Mommy says we can plant it in the yard, and I can pick tomatoes off it,” she said. “Does salsa come from tomatoes, mama? Cause mommy said we can eat salsa and chips.” 

“Yes,” Clarke said, chuckling. Moving her cheek was painful. “You can make salsa with your tomatoes.” 

She looked up at Lexa, realizing her wife had said nothing since Clarke arrived, and found her staring at the guard by the door. Clarke wished she knew what Lexa was thinking. There was anger in her gaze. 

“Hey,” Clarke said softly, touching her foot to Lexa’s leg. “It’s okay.” 

“Tell me what happened,” Lexa whispered. 

Clarke shook her head a bit and looked down at Kennedy in her lap. Their daughter was too distracted with her story to notice them talking so quietly. She glanced down at Kennedy who was staring at their hands together as she spoke. 

“It’s nothing. Just an accident. I fell.” 

“Clarke, you must think I'm _stupid_ or something. Who did this to your face?” 

Clarke covered Kennedy’s ears and pretended to play with her hair. Her perfect, innocent daughter just kept talking to herself and Clarke’s heart threatened to burst. 

“Just... it was another... it won’t happen again,” Clarke said. “And I did the stitches myself. That's a pretty hard thing to do.” 

“Don’t change the subject. Who hit you?” 

Clarke glanced around to see whose eyes it was that she felt on her back. Speaking names was not something that was tolerated in prison. Snitching was a sin here and the devil would surely get someone who sinned. She had no intention of telling Lexa a name. 

“ _No one_ ,” Clarke said more seriously now. “Don’t ask me again.” 

Lexa sighed but nodded. “Okay,” she said. 

“Raven’s trial is next week,” she said softly. “She’ll probably be getting out.” 

“Do you have other friends inside?” 

Clarke stared at her long enough to get the message. She was happy her friend would be free, but that meant she would be alone. The six months had been bearable with Raven around to protect and keep her company. 

“Mama,” Kennedy said. “Who do you sleep with when you’re here?” 

“What?” Clarke asked. “I don’t sleep with anyone.” 

“Is that sad, mama? Are you lonely?” 

Clarke's eyes and heart hurt as she listened to her daughter’s question. “I do get lonely here, yes, but it’s because I miss you so much. I miss you and your mommy so, so much.” 

“Mama, when can you come home?” 

“I don’t know yet, baby girl. As soon as I can, I'll be with you again. Maybe we can go on vacation. Do you remember that time we went to the beach? You were three, I think.” 

“I remember, mama. We walked in the sand when it was dark, and I found seashells.” 

“Maybe we can do that again when mama gets out. Would you like that?” 

“Yes. I want to look for shells again and play in the sand and go swimming.” 

Clarke smiled and pushed Kennedy’s blonde hair away from her face. She smiled. “Mommy is going to make reservations for a Florida vacation,” Clarke said. “She’s going to take you to Florida in seven weeks. Hopefully, I’ll be able to go too but, if not, she’s still going to take you. How does that sound, princess?” 

Kennedy smiled, not truly processing the fact that Clarke might not be able to go and nodded. “That’s fun, mama,” she said. 

Clarke kissed her forehead and met Lexa’s eyes. Her wife’s eyes mirrored her own sadness. This was such an unfathomable situation. But Kennedy did not deserve to be punished for her mistakes. Kennedy should get the life she deserved no matter what happened to Clarke. 

* * *

Clarke’s face hurt worse the next day. She asked Gustus for a phone call after their outdoor time. Her heart and mind had been heavy since visitation yesterday. She needed to speak with Lexa or else it would be another sleepless night for her. 

Gus stepped back to give her as much privacy as he could. A few of the other phones were occupied by other inmates but thankfully there was no one too close. Her heart raced as she dialed Lexa’s number. 

_“Why did you tell her I would take her to Florida?” Lexa asked._

“Because it’ll be good for the two of you,” she said. “She’s like a fish, you know. She's always liked to swim.” 

_“Clarke, I’m not taking a vacation without you. I'll book the reservation, but... I'm not going without you.”_

“If I don’t get out in six weeks, I want you to. We can file an appeal in a few years. But Kennedy is only young once, Lex. Please. Just do this for me. I'm begging you.” 

_“Someone punched you. I'm not asking for a name. I know you can’t give me one, sweetheart, but just... do I know the person who did it?”_

Clarke sighed softly. “No.” 

_“Did you do something to warrant it?”_

“No.” 

_“I have to get you out of there. Goddammit, I’m so fucking stressed out that... I think I need to bring someone else in to help. I’ll call around.”_

“I understand why you’re stressed but I need you to be there for our baby. You have to pick up my slack, too.” 

Lexa chuckled but she was not amused. It was more of a forced laugh to lighten the mood. _“You owe me like a hundred bath times.”_

“I’ll bath her every day if it means I get to be with her again. And you. I noticed you were wearing your ring again.” 

_“I’m sorry I ever took it off.”_

“No, it’s okay. We had problems and... they were not nearly as big as the problems we have now, but it was my fault, too.” 

_“I miss you, Clarke. I miss you so much. I'm sorry. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I'm just... I'm having a really hard time. Seeing you with that bruise yesterday...”_

“You need to talk to someone about all this, honey. You're going to implode if you keep going like this. Get a therapist. Have my mom come over and watch Kenny. You need someone to talk to other than Anya.” 

_“I don’t have the time.”_

“Make time. Whether this trial goes the way we want or not, our daughter needs you to be there for her. I'm not asking, Lexa. I’m telling you. If I could force you to go, I would. I'll have to trust that you’ll listen to me and find someone.” 

_“I will. I'll try it. I know that you’re right. It just sucks watching that video over and over and feeling guilty for making you go out with him.”_

“You didn’t make me go out with him. I wanted... I was trying to hurt you because I was hurting.” 

_“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have moved out.”_

“New rule: No blaming ourselves for things we can’t change. We focus on the future, okay? We focus on what we _can_ change.” 

_“Deal.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa was not sure how it happened but  suddenly she was hosting a dinner for her family that night. Abby and her husband, Kane, would be there with Anya, Roan, and Aden. She would lose that afternoon working on Clarke’s case, but she did miss Clarke’s side of the family. Before they  separated , Abby and Kane came to dinner almost every week. 

Kennedy was excited to be with her family again. This was going to be the first family dinner they had without Clarke. It was not going to feel normal and she hoped it never would. Kennedy was young now, but she would not be that way forever. Kennedy would start to feel the sting of her missing mom as she grew older. It would be unavoidable by the time she was old enough to fully understand what had happened. 

“Kenny, are you  cleaning your room?” Lexa asked.

“Yes, mommy!” she replied.

From the sounds now coming from her bedroom, Kennedy had just started cleaning. Lexa would have to clean it again before the guests arrived, but Clarke thought it was important for Kennedy to do things for herself. The three of them used to make a game of cleaning up her toys when Kennedy was a toddler. Kennedy would always laugh when they tossed her stuffed animals in the toybox and miss on purpose. 

Lexa did her best to organize the papers on the dining table. She moved it all into her bedroom for the night. Lexa missed the nice office she had in their house. A  two-bedroom apartment was not a good place to conduct decent business. 

She looked up when she heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Kennedy was holding a picture frame against her chest. Lexa recognized the frame immediately. Inside it was an eight-by-ten picture of Clarke and Kennedy. The girl’s arms were wrapped around her mother’s neck and kissing her cheek. Clarke's smile was huge and blinding. It was one of Lexa’s favorite pictures of her two girls. She had taken it one day at the park. Clarke’s eyes and smile were completely carefree unlike her expressions now.

Kennedy put the picture frame in one of the dining chairs. She touched Clarke’s face behind the glass with one finger before turning to walk away.

“Ken,” Lexa said. “What are you doing? I thought you liked having that picture in your bedroom.”

“I’m letting you borrow it,” Kennedy said. “M ama can come to dinner, too.”

Lexa stared at the picture even after Kennedy went back to her room to continue cleaning. She realized she was crying only when tears ran down her neck and chest. After wiping them away and collecting her composure once more, Lexa stood to finish cleaning the apartment.

* * *

Abby and Kane  arrived first. She always felt embarrassed around Clarke’s mother since moving out of their house. She had a feeling that Abby blamed Lexa for their separation and, therefore, Clarke being out that night. Lexa took a lot of the blame on herself anyway. She was the one who decided to rent an apartment and split custody. By the time she decided to move out, Lexa had been drowning in the bleakness of their home. 

Kane was carrying a pan of something as they approached the apartment building. Lexa was on the bottom  floor, so it only took them a second to reach her door. 

“Grandma!” Kennedy shouted as she ran to the door. 

She looked back at Lexa for permission to open the door and her mother nodded. Kennedy smiled as she unlocked the door before pulling it open. 

“Hi, baby,” Abby said. 

Kennedy wrapped her arms around Abby’s legs and held her tight. Kane stepped past them to rest the pan on Lexa’s counter. She was standing at the stove to check the roast she was making. To be honest, Lexa was avoiding Abby  for as long as  she could. 

“How are you doing, Lexa?” Kane asked.

“I’m, uh... I’m fine,” she replied. “How are you guys?”

Kane looked at his wife before responding, “She’s having a hard time. It isn’t you that she’s mad at, Lexa. She just... she’s scared.”

“Tell her to join the club,” she mumbled as she took the pot roast out of the oven. 

Whether Kane heard her or not was unclear. He walked back into the living room to say hi to Kennedy. Abby and Kane had been married since before Kennedy was born. Clarke was pregnant in their wedding photos. She had only been three months along, but everyone in the family already knew. There was a picture of Clarke in her dress with Lexa’s hand on her stomach. It was the first picture they had that acknowledged the existence of their baby. 

“Grandpa, look at this!” Kennedy said, holding up the back of her hand. She had begged Lexa for a temporary tattoo to be put there. Kennedy had received it at school for having a good day. She loved showing everyone. 

“I love it,” Kane said, smiling. “Did your mommy give that to you?”

“No,  _ silly _ ,” she said. “Ms. Harper gave it to me for sharing my crayons.”

“That was very nice of you to do, Kenny,” he said. Kennedy was smiling as she was quite proud of herself. 

Lexa looked at the clock right as it turned six o’clock. Clarke had an hour before she would be locked away in her cell. Lexa thought about it every night. She thought about what it must feel like to not have the freedom to get out of bed if she was thirsty or having to use the bathroom in the same room she sleeps in where people could see. Lexa did her best not to think of it. She was guaranteed to go insane if she did.

Abby stepped into the kitchen as Lexa was finishing dinner. The woman must have known by now that Lexa was avoiding her, but she did not care. They could not fight in front of Kennedy. Lexa was starting to wonder why she agreed to Abby’s request. She had called earlier and asked to see Kennedy. Lexa had already invited her sister to dinner tonight, so it happened naturally. 

“It smells good,” Abby said. 

“Yeah, it’s Clarke’s favorite recipe,” she said.

“I know,” she said.

Lexa was not sure if there was an edge in Abby’s tone or if she was imagining it, but it bothered Lexa either way. She wished there was no tension between her and her mother-in-law. If not for her own sake than Kennedy’s. She loved her grandparents.

Abby glanced into the living room at Kennedy and Kane who were watching TV on the couch. Lexa assumed she was making sure the two were not listening.

“Have you found anything else?” Abby asked. 

“Abby... you know I can’t discuss the case with you,” she said.

Lexa leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. Abby’s eyebrows were drawn together in the same way Clarke’s and Kennedy’s did when they were thinking too hard. 

“Lexa, please,” Abby said softly. “You have to tell me something. Anything. I'm going crazy. I... I can’t sleep and I'm always nauseous.”

“I understand,” she said. “I feel the same way.”

“It’s different, Lexa. If this was Kennedy... you would be so much worse off. You'd feel like I do. Completely helpless.  I would trade places with her in a heartbeat.”

“You’re right. It is different. I  _ would  _ feel differently if it were Kennedy locked away in prison but... it’s Clarke. I’m supposed to spend my life with her. I would trade places with her too. It doesn’t work like that.”

“You were trying to divorce her before all this happened.”

“Abby, as I have told you many times, I did not want to divorce her. We just... we needed some time. We decided to separate  _ together _ .”

“Clarke is my  _ daughter _ , Lexa. My daughter. You would kill someone for Kennedy. I know you would. Just... give me something. Anything. I'm begging you. Am I going to lose my daughter, Lexa?”

Lexa sighed as she looked at her mother-in-law. She had no idea how hard this was for Abby because it was not Kennedy in prison. But Abby had no idea how hard this was for Lexa either. Same prisoner but different experiences.

“I’m doing everything I can to make sure she gets out, Abby. There's some... there’s some new evidence. I finally got to see the footage from the parking lot where Clarke said someone pushed him away.”

“Yeah. And?”

“There was no one else there. Clarke was the one who pushed him away.”

Abby took a deep breath. Her shoulders moved up and down as she did. Her eyebrows were drawn together again. Lexa maintained eye contact with Abby even if it felt like she was staring at the sun. Lexa could read the disappointment and anxiety in her gaze.

“What does that mean?” Abby asked. There were tears in her eyes.

“It means that Clarke got confused caused by the trauma of the experience,” she replied. “Hopefully, the state attorneys won’t make too big a deal out of it. Best case scenario, we can probably pass it off as confusion.  Worst case scenario, the attorneys say that Clarke was trying to blame the murder on someone else because she killed him herself.”

Abby let out a sob, covering her eyes with her hands, but quickly composed herself. This was the reason Lexa did not want to talk about this right now. She understood why Abby asked though. Abby felt like she was in the dark about everything. Lexa would feel the same if she were in her situation. Lexa felt like she knew  _ too  _ much. 

“I’ll figure something out, Abby,” Lexa said. She took one careful and slow step toward her. Her arms were extended slightly. Her mother-in-law fell into them easily. Lexa had not been expecting Abby to  reciprocate . “She didn’t do it.”

“I know she didn’t,” Abby said, sniffling. She pulled away from the hug and wiped her cheeks. “But I'm scared she’s going to lose her life for it anyway.”

* * *

_ [Five Years Ago] _

_ Lexa awoke to the smell of pancakes and bacon. She could hear Clarke singing in the kitchen. Lexa stood and stretched her arms above her head. She brushed her teeth, grabbed something from the nightstand drawer, and joined her wife in the kitchen. _

_ Today was a very special day. They had been married for three years as of today and had plans to go out tonight. Lexa had hoped to wake up earlier than Clarke to cook  _ _ breakfast, _ _ but her wife must have set a silent alarm. Clarke liked to sleep in on the weekends.  _

_ Her arms wrapped around Clarke as she danced in front of the stove. Clarke startled but quickly recovered. She turned in Lexa’s arms and wrapped her own around her wife’s neck.  _

_ “Happy anniversary,” Lexa said.  _

_ Clarke hummed as she leaned in for a kiss. Her hands moved to Lexa’s cheeks to keep her there. The kiss deepened until Lexa’s back was pressed against the kitchen island. Clarke was a very, very good mood.  _

_ “Happy anniversary,” Clarke replied, breathlessly.  _

_ “Hmm, you woke up early to cook for me. I am lucky.” _

_ “Yes, you are.” _

_ Lexa laughed as she pressed their foreheads together. She knew she was lucky, but right now she felt like the luckiest person in the entire world.  _

_ “Do you want your present now?” Clarke asked. _

_ “I get a present, too?” she asked. _

_ Clarke scoffed. “You got me something, too,” she said. “Stop playing games.” _

_ Lexa shrugged, innocently, and stepped back so Clarke could move. She went to her purse and grabbed an envelope from inside. Clarke held it out for Lexa to take. As she opened it, Clarke made their plates. She carried them into the living room to eat in front of the TV. _

_ “Plane tickets?” Lexa asked. She turned them over to see where they would be going. “What? You’re taking me to Italy? But you’re scared of flying.” _

_ “Yeah, well... you want to  _ _ go, _ _ and you’ll be there to hold my hand.” _

_ “I promise to hold your hand the entire flight.” _

_ Clarke smiled and kissed her again. “I love you.” _

_ “I love you. We're going to need a vacation anyway.” _

_ Lexa took a piece of paper from her pocket, the one that had been hidden in her nightstand drawer for two  _ _ weeks, and _ _ held it out for her. Clarke looked at her  _ _ questioningly _ _. Lexa’s heart pounded as Clarke unfolded the paper and stared down at it for a long time. Tears slipped down her cheek and fell onto the piece of paper.  _

_ “You picked one,” Clarke whispered.  _

_ Lexa nodded as she looked at her wife. Clarke looked so happy and Lexa knew she would never forget how she looked right now.  _

_ “You picked one,” she said again. _

_ Clarke ran at her and jumped into Lexa’s arms. She was laughing and crying all at once as Lexa held her. There was something magical about this moment. Clarke had been bringing it up for months. Lexa knew Clarke was waiting for her to make the first move. She was terrified, but if she had Clarke then she had  _ _ everything _ _. _

_ “You picked a donor,” Clarke said. She grabbed Lexa’s face  _ _ again, _ _ so her wife had to meet her eyes. “You’re going to be a mommy.” _

* * *

Anya did not bother knocking when she arrived. She was carrying another side dish. Aden and Roan followed behind her sister. Kennedy hopped off the couch from where she was sitting between her two grandparents. The food was already finished but staying warm in the oven. 

“Hey,” Anya said. “ Aden, take off those dirty shoes.”

“Mommy,” Kennedy said, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s legs. “I’m so hungry. Can we eat yet?”

Lexa chuckled as she held the back of her daughter’s head. “Yes, we can eat now,” she said. 

The five adults sat around the dining room table while the two kids sat in front of the TV. Lexa realized that she was letting Kennedy do that too often but there was no choice today. She only had six chairs. Clarke’s picture was still in the empty chair. Everyone was avoiding it. 

“Kenny, Lexa told me that you guys are going on vacation,” Anya said loud enough for the kids to hear. “Do you know where you’re going yet?”

“Florida,” Kennedy said with a wide smile. “Mommy said we can see dolphins!”

Lexa glanced at Abby’s face who was staring at her. She wondered what the woman was thinking now. Lexa had a feeling that she knew. Abby was wondering how Lexa could plan a vacation when her daughter could be given a life sentence. 

“It was Clarke’s idea,” Lexa said to no one in particular. She kept her eyes down on her plate.

“Mama said she might not go,” Kennedy said. 

It was silent for a long time after that. The only sounds were forks on plates and even their bites were hesitant. The tension in the room was scary. Kennedy and Aden chatted away as if nothing was wrong. 

Lexa barely ate. She pushed the food around on her plate and thought about how different things would be in Clarke was  sitting in the chair beside her at their house. She would make some joke about everyone being too serious all the time. Clarke would have turned to Lexa and blamed her, jokingly, saying that Lexa had to be serious for a living and she must be rubbing off on her. Anya would have made a gagging noise at the innuendo. 

Things would be perfect. Instead, Lexa was sitting in a tiny apartment with a picture of her wife beside her. They were eating dinner as if everything was okay while Clarke was sitting in a ten by ten cell and wondering if it was where she would spend the rest of her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke changed her bandage in the tiny mirror attached to the concrete wall. Her stitches looked good for doing them herself and inside a prison where they barely had enough supplies to patch any kind of wound. Ontari had not bothered her since the day in the yard, but Clarke had a feeling she was waiting for Raven to be cleared before making another move. 

Ontari was getting her wish today. Raven would be leaving for trial just after breakfast. Gustus had promised to allow them to say goodbye before she had to go. Clarke was happy for her friend and terrified for herself. She had a bad feeling. 

A loud buzz sounded at exactly seven as their cells were unlocked for breakfast. The hallway was immediately alive with voices, laughter, other sounds Clarke was used to. Raven was buzzing with excitement when she found Clarke outside her cell. 

“You ready?” Raven asked. 

“As opposed to what?” Clarke said, chuckling. 

Raven grabbed her hand, which she had never done, and practically dragged her to the cafeteria. Clarke did her best to be happy for her (best?) friend. She stares were at an all-time high though. Raven was too excited to notice. 

They sat across from each other at their table. There was a new group of women sitting at the table beside them. Clarke wondered if they had known each other on the outside. 

“Look, I haven’t been able to find out much about Ontari and her girls,” Raven said. 

“Oh,” Clarke said. “We don’t have to talk about that now.” 

“When the hell else are we going to talk about it?” Raven had a point. 

“I just mean that I don’t want to taint your good day with my drama.” 

“Would you shut up for a second?” Raven paused as Clarke chuckled. “I’ve taken care of everything though.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means that you’re protected. I took care of everything meaning that the bitch won’t touch you again and if she does... well, it won’t be good for her.” 

Clarke had no idea what to think about that, but Raven’s expression implied that the conversation was over. She doubted she was free of Ontari’s intimidation though. Raven would be out by the end of the day and she would move on with her life. 

“You better not end up back in here, Raven,” Clarke said firmly. 

“I won’t, Clarkie-Pooh,” she teased. “I got a niece or nephew on the way.” 

“What?” 

“I called O last night. She's pregnant. They found out a few days ago.” 

“That’s wonderful news. Babies are so great.” 

“I’m excited. O and Lincoln are nervous, but they’ll be amazing parents.” 

“And you’ll be an awesome aunt.” 

“Thanks, Clarke.” 

Breakfast ended faster than it ever had. Clarke was admittedly sad. Murphy and a few other guards led the other woman outside to the yard while Gustus motioned for Clarke and Raven to follow him. He led them to the empty TV lounge to allow them to say their goodbyes. Clarke was crying against her will. 

“Hey, stop that,” Raven said. She reached forward and carefully wiped Clarke’s tears away. “Stop. You'll be out soon, too, and I'll give you that tattoo.” 

“I can’t wait for that,” she said. Even if Clarke was doubtful, she still had hope. “You’re a great person, Raven. I’ll miss you here. Have fun getting back into your parlor. I know you’re itching for another tattoo.” 

Raven laughed. It was watery, but Raven had more control over her emotions than Clarke did. She swallowed thickly and hid her tears. 

“Maybe I’ll get your name tattooed on my ass,” Raven said. 

Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes. “You wish,” she said. 

They hugged tight. There were so many other things Clarke wanted to tell her, but the words got stuck in her throat. Raven grinned at Clarke before stepping toward the door. She turned back to look at Clarke once more before stepping out. Clarke stood in the doorway as Gustus unlocked one of the exits and Raven was gone. 

* * *

Clarke let her head fall back on the wall after the cells were locked for the night. Her mom and Kane were at Lexa’s apartment right now for dinner. She thought about what they were talking about. She thought about how happy Kennedy probably was to have company. Clarke wondered if she missed her. 

It was becoming abundantly clear that Kennedy would learn to live without Clarke. Even during their Sunday visits, Kennedy talked about dance class, preschool, and things she and Lexa had done throughout the week. Clarke was never in her stories anymore. 

Clarke thought about Kennedy being a teenager and sitting across from her at visitations. Her own blue eyes would stare back. Clarke would be weathered after years of being in prison. Kennedy would not remember what Clarke was like on the outside. All Kennedy would know was that Clarke was convicted of murdering a man she went on a date with while she still married to the mother Kennedy truly loved. Even if Lexa explained everything, Kennedy would never fully understand. 

Kennedy and Lexa would continue to make memories. They would eventually find themselves too busy to visit one Sunday. One would turn into a few Sundays and then it would be once a month Clarke would get to see her family. The sad part about it was that Clarke would understand. She did not want their lives to end, too. 

Clarke’s head was spinning. She had been struggling this week more than any other week so far since her arrest. Her mind and heart were heavy with a decision that needed to be made. Seeing Raven leave made up her mind. If she was found guilty, Clarke was going to ask for a divorce. Lexa could move on and Kennedy could grow up without the pressure of Clarke’s conviction constantly weighing on them. 

And Clarke could fade even further into the background of their lives. 

* * *

_[Ten and a Half Years Earlier]_

_Clarke could not stop staring at her engagement ring. After proposing to Lexa, she had hoped Lexa would also buy her a ring. She never should have doubted her_ _fiancée_ _. Lexa always seemed to know what Clarke wanted even if she never said it aloud._

_Their friends had invited them out to celebrate the engagement even though it had been four months since Clarke proposed. As happy as she was, Clarke had a weird feeling. Lexa was being distant and quiet today. That had not been the case the day before when she gave Clarke the ring at their dinner table._

_Clarke found her_ _fiancée_ _in the office. She was scrolling through emails and other tabs were opened on their desktop computer. Lexa only had a year left of law school. Clarke had never been as proud of Lexa as she was now. Even though she was stressed beyond belief and pulled in a million directions for the school, Lexa always made time for her._

_“I’m going to take a shower,” Clarke said._

_Lexa did not seem to hear her, so Clarke stepped into the room and kissed the top of her head. She smelled like the perfume Clarke loved._

_“Before you go,” Lexa said, turning in the chair. She reached for Clarke’s hand. “We need to talk.”_

_Clarke’s heat sunk into her stomach. She knew there was a reason for her weird_ _feeling_ _. Clarke’s gut was hardly ever wrong._

_“What is it?” Clarke asked, panic already in her voice._

_“Sweetheart, I’m not dying or breaking up with you,” Lexa said with a grin. It was only slightly forced._

_“Well, thank goodness for that, but what’s wrong?”_

_“I, um... I got an email today from my advisor. There's an internship in New York that she offered to me.”_

_“I don’t know what that means, Lex.”_

_Lexa sighed as she looked up at her. “It means that I have to make a decision. I can take online classes for my last year and do the internship which would guarantee me a job after_ _graduation,_ _or I could stay_ _here,_ _and risk not being_ _employed_ _for a while.”_

_“I thought your professor said that you would have no problem_ _getting_ _a job right out of law school.”_

_“She did, but... pretty much all firms require at least some legal experience and all I have is a few months from school breaks. Plus, the experience wouldn’t hurt. The firm I would be interning at is a good one.”_

_“Then... you should do it, babe.”_

_“But it would mean being away for a year.”_

_Clarke hated the thought of being away from Lexa for a year, but she could always visit Maryland when she got the chance. (That turned out to be fewer than two weeks in total.)_

_“I know,” Clarke said. She straddled Lexa’s thighs and wrapped her arms around her_ _fiancée's_ _neck. “Do you plan on finding some fancy lawyer while you’re up there?”_

_Lexa smiled, her eyes darting between Clarke’s eyes and mouth. “When I have a fancy doctor here?” she teased. “No way.”_

* * *

Raven took a deep breath as she stared at the apartment building. She could see someone moving around in a few of the windows but had no way of knowing which was Lexa’s. Clarke had no idea she was here. Honestly, it had taken Raven all night to find Lexa’s address. She had not truly slept since Thursday night in her prison cot. But it was now Saturday morning and Raven was free. Her first day of freedom and she felt like a stalker. 

After five minutes of sitting in front of the building in her car, a woman stepped out of a first-floor apartment to get her mail. Raven recognized her as Clarke’s wife from the few visitation times they had shared. If that was not enough to convince her that she was at the right place, a little girl leaned out the doorway. Raven’s breath was taken away. Raven was looking at a miniature version of Clarke and it made her miss the woman like crazy. 

When Clarke’s wife and daughter went back into the apartment, Raven climbed out of her SUV. She took another deep breath as she walked up the concrete path. Her stomach was twisting and turning. She was out of place in this neighborhood. A woman stared at her as if she might be carrying a gun. It took her a moment to work up the courage to knock on the door. 

Raven heard the little girl’s voice and then her mother’s louder one telling her not to touch the door. a second later it was pulled open and Clarke’s wife was standing in front of her. Raven suddenly forgot why she was here. 

“Uh, hi,” Raven finally said. 

“Hi,” Lexa replied. 

She had the look of a lawyer. Clarke had talked about Lexa so much on the inside that Raven felt like she already knew her. 

“Sorry, but... who are you?” Lexa asked. 

“Oh, right,” Raven said. “I’m Raven Reyes. I, uh... I just got out of prison and I, um... I’m a friend of Clarke’s.” 

“Please, come in,” she said, pulling the door open fully. 

Lexa closed it once Raven was inside. Kennedy, Clarke’s small twin, was staring at her from the couch. She was holding a juice box and eating goldfish out of a small bowl. Her jaw hung open though and the snacks were forgotten as the little girl stood. 

“Wow!” Kennedy said. “Look, mommy. She has tats!” 

Raven could not help but laugh at that. Clarke had been right about Kennedy loving tattoos. The little girl grabbed Raven’s hand and inspected the webbing there. It had also been Clarke’s favorite. 

“Sorry about her,” Lexa said. “Sweetheart, you can’t just grab someone without asking.” 

“No, it’s fine,” she said. “Clarke told me about her obsession.” 

“You know my mama?” Kennedy asked with wide eyes. 

“Yes, I do.” 

Lexa put her hand to the top of Kennedy’s head and sighed. “Baby, can you give us just a minute or two?” Lexa asked. “I need to talk to Raven about adult stuff.” 

Kennedy’s shoulders fell as she started for the hallway, where Raven assumed her bedroom was, and let her head fall back. “Adult stuff always!” she complained. 

Once she was gone, Raven looked at Lexa again. “She truly is Clarke’s daughter,” she said. 

“Tell me about it,” Lexa said, chuckling. “Two attitudes all the time. Well, you know...” 

“Yeah.” 

“Let me get you some coffee or something.” 

Raven followed her into the kitchen and sat down on one of the stools by the counter. She slipped her jacket off her shoulders and laid it on the other one. 

“You don’t have anywhere to be, right?” Raven asked. “I don’t want to interrupt anything or intrude.” 

“No,” she said. “We don’t have plans today. I was just going to work on her case.” 

“I know you can’t tell me much, but... how is it going?” 

Lexa laid the mug in front of Raven and leaned against the other side of the counter. She stared down at the tabletop for a while. Raven already knew the answer to her question, and it made her chest ache. 

“It... it’s not looking good, Raven,” Lexa said. “They haven't found anything to link another person to the murder and... you know they have to blame someone.” 

“Yeah, I know they do,” she said, staring down at the black liquid in her mug. “And they have Clarke.” 

Lexa nodded and swallowed thickly. “Yes,” she whispered. “She was with him the night of the murder and they can prove it. All they have to do is show the security camera footage in court and the jury will make up their minds. I feel... I feel so helpless. You know? I should have never agreed to take this case. I'm not the best lawyer for it. I don’t have enough experience with murder cases.” 

“Yes, you are,” Raven said quickly. “Lexa, there is no one else in the world who would do a better job. You should have heard the way she talked about you. Seemed like you hung the moon.” 

Lexa rubbed her forehead. There were dark bags under her eyes. Raven doubted the woman had slept any more than they did in prison. She doubted Lexa had slept at all since Clarke was arrested. Clarke used to say the same thing. 

“I, uh... I’m not sure if Clarke would want me to tell you this but... she’s safe,” Raven said. “I made sure of it before I left.” 

“You’re referring to her being punched in the face?” Lexa asked. Her jaw was clenched, obviously angry about it. 

“Yes, that’s what I’m talking about.” 

“She’s safe? It isn’t going to happen again?” 

“Not if I can help it. I have a friend on the inside who's going to look after her for me. Until Clarke gets out.” 

Lexa took a deep breath, maintaining eye contact, and nodded. “Thank you, Raven,” she said, sincerely. 

They sat in silence for a while, sipping their coffee and sharing each other’s company. It was nice to be around someone who loved Clarke, too. She wondered if this was the last time she would see Lexa and Kennedy before Clarke’s trial. 

It must have been a long enough silence to signal to Kennedy that adult time was over. She emerged from a room down the hall and stopped beside Raven. 

“Does my mama still have my picture?” Kennedy asked. 

“She has a lot of your pictures,” Raven said. “She looks at them every single day.” 

“She does?” 

“Of course. I've heard so many stories about you. I know about the time when your moms were swinging you between them and your arm popped out of the socket and they cried more than you did. I’ve also heard your birth story more times than I can count.” 

“My birth story?” 

Kennedy looked at Lexa, asking her silently what that meant, and Lexa smiled. “The day you were born was... a crazy day,” she said. “I’ll tell you about it later.” 

“No, mommy,” Kennedy said. “I want to know now.” 

Lexa looked up at Raven who was smiling. “I have the time,” Raven said. “I wanna hear your side of the story.” 

* * *

_[Four Years Earlier]_

_Lexa had begged Clarke to stay home that day. She was already three days overdue, but Clarke insisted on going into work anyway. She could barely stay on her feet for more than a few minutes without getting winded or her legs hurting. She was always asking Lexa to rub them when they were home together. Lexa never minded. Clarke’s little noises were cute._

_But now she was racing to the hospital where Clarke’s water had broken. Wells had been the one to call her. Lexa had left a meeting with a client. She had been too distracted anyway. Their baby would be arriving_ _soon,_ _and she could think of nothing else._

_Lexa was terrified. She kept having dreams where she lost the baby or had to save her from a fire or some other traumatic_ _situation_ _. Clarke told her it was normal. The stress of becoming a parent often caused dreams like that. Realistically, Lexa knew her wife was right. But Lexa could not stop wondering if it was a sign that she was going to be a bad mother._

_When she arrived_ _at_ _the hospital, Lexa ran through the parking lot and pushed open the ambulance doors because they were the closest. Thankfully, someone knew why she was here because words suddenly seemed impossible for Lexa to speak. She was not sure but, as she ran up the stairs, Lexa realized she had just made noises at the poor nurse in the ER._

_“Lexa!” Wells called down the hall. “Over here!”_

_She apologized after bumping into another doctor on her way down the hall. Before she had made it to the end of the hall, Lexa heard Clarke’s shout._

_“Don’t touch me!” Clarke said from behind one of the doors._

_Lexa opened the door that Wells pointed to and found her wife sitting on one of the_ _beds where she seemed to be hiding. This was Clarke’s surgical wing and not maternity. One of the nurses Lexa recognized was talking to her. Lexa could not remember the woman’s name._

_“Clarke,” she said. “It’s okay, baby. I'm here.”_

_“Where were you?” Clarke asked. She was crying in relief though._

_“I got here as soon as I could,” she said. “Everything’s okay though. They just need to take you upstairs to the maternity ward.”_

_“I don’t want to go, Lexa,”_ _Clarke_ _said. She grabbed Lexa’s sleeves and stared her right in the eye. There was a crazed and pained expression there. “I’m not ready.”_

_“Clarke... our baby is ready. You are, too.”_

_“I need my songs. I need you to play my birth songs. Where's my phone?”_

_“I’ll play them. I promise, okay? Let’s just go upstairs.”_

_Lexa motioned toward the wheelchair now sitting by the bed. Clarke shook her head and stood. She was a bit wobbly, but it seemed that she was determined to walk. Lexa wrapped an arm around her waist to help. It was ridiculously stubborn of Clarke to be acting this way, but she was_ _scared._ _Lexa was too._

_Shania Twain’s ‘From This Moment’ song began to play while Clarke got settled in the bed. It seemed to calm her down. It was one of the songs she had added to her birthing playlist. There were plenty of other songs. Lexa could not remember them all and Clarke’s phone was nowhere to be found._

_“I’m not ready, Lexa,” Clarke said again. “I’m not. What if something happens? What if I bleed out or_ _something_ _?”_

_“Clarke, stop,” Lexa said,_ _desperately_ _. She had already thought of these things too. “Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise. Nothing. You'll deliver our little Kennedy and the three of us will walk out of here in just a few days. Well, Kenny won’t walk but... you know what I mean.”_

_That made Clarke laugh. “Are you going to call her Kenny all the time?” she asked._

_“Probably,” Lexa said with a smile. “Do you not like it?”_

_“No, I do. It's cute.”_

_Clarke suddenly tensed and her face got red. It was the first contraction Lexa had witnessed and Clarke was gripping her hand too tight. She was_ _afraid_ _of it breaking._

_“Sweetheart, sweetheart, you have to let my hand go,” Lexa said, pulling it from her grip. As soon as it was released, she sighed in relief._

_“Really, Lexa? You think that was painful? I'm pretty sure that I'm already tearing,” she said._

_“Are you serious? Where the hell is the doctor?”_

_“Do me a favor, Lex. Lift the blanket and_ _look_ _.”_

_“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not, Clarke. You're freaking me out.”_

_“Lexa! Lift the blanket! Something’s wrong!”_

_The doctor entered the room the moment Lexa lifted the blanket. She could see the top of their baby’s head. Her vision went blurry. For a moment, she thought she was going to faint. Everything happened quickly after that. Lexa could not remember all the details but there was not even time for the nurses to come in before the doctor was lifting their baby._

_The baby was the best and weirdest thing she had ever seen. Lexa could feel Clarke’s hand in her own. One of the nurses, who arrived a few moments before, took the baby from his hands._

_“Why isn’t she crying?” Lexa asked._

_The nurses were clearing Kennedy’s nasal passages, but she was still silent. To Lexa, her skin had a blueish tint. Clarke was crying. It had been almost a minute of silence now. Three nurses surrounded their baby as they tried to get her to breathe. Lexa’s world was falling apart and..._

_Kennedy cried. Clarke cried just as loud. Lexa wanted to, but there would be no one stable enough to focus if she did. Kennedy was laid to Clarke’s bare chest. There had never been a more amazing sight. Clarke instructed Lexa to remove her shirt, which she did, before handing Kennedy over. The newborn whined until she was pressed against Lexa’s skin._

_Everything about her was perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa had a hard time saying goodbye to Raven. The woman promised to come back soon. Kennedy held Raven’s hand as she walked to the door. It seemed like Raven was also having a hard time saying goodbye to Kennedy. It was easy to see how much Raven loved Clarke. Her affection for Kennedy proved as much. 

Raven open the door. Kennedy hugged her tight and asked her to come over for dinner another day. She agreed. Lexa watched her daughter run back across the room and grabbed the remote she abandoned on the coffee table. 

They stepped out of the apartment and Lexa closed the door behind them. 

“I... thank you for coming,” Lexa said. “I’m not sure how you found my address and I don’t want to know. Thank you for taking care of Clarke.” 

“You’re the one taking care of her,” Raven said. “She loves you.” 

Lexa nodded because she knew that. She knew that Clarke loved her just as Lexa loved Clarke. Things might have been rough before Clarke was arrested, but Lexa regretted that now. She should have savored the time they did have together. There was no room for regrets in their lives when everything was riding on their future. 

“Clarke thinks she’s ruining Kennedy’s life,” Raven said. “She told me so. I think when Kennedy tried bringing her mugshot to school... it changed something. It changed the way she saw everything. She's almost more scared of getting out than she is of staying in.” 

“I know.” 

“Lexa, she’s going to ask you for a divorce. You know that, right?” 

Lexa took a deep breath and held it in for a moment. She had been so scared of Raven saying it aloud and making it true. It had been a thought in Lexa’s mind since their last visitation. Something about Clarke had been off. The way she looked at Lexa was not the same as before. 

“I know,” Lexa said. “And... and she’s going to request that I get full custody of Kennedy.” 

“Yeah,” she said, staring down at her hands. Raven’s voice was thick with sadness. 

“Being in prison is screwing with her head. I just... I need to get her out of there and we can start over. She can get therapy or something.” 

“Look,” Raven said. “It might not be any of my business, but I did my crime. I confessed to being in the car with them when they robbed that gas station. Clarke didn’t kill that guy. She's lost six months of her life for a murder she didn’t commit. That's harder. You don’t know what it’s like in there.” 

“I do, Raven, and it keeps me up at night. I... it’s silly, but... Clarke used to make fun of me for going to bed at ten. She would be out here watching TV or doing work on her computer. I would always... I would always be, like, half-awake until she got into bed with me. Clarke had trouble sleeping when it was dark but would sleep in while it was light outside. When she thought I was asleep, Clarke would press herself tightly to my back or chest as if I could protect her from the dark. I think about her being in there, in the dark and alone, and... it just kills me every single night.” 

“That isn’t silly. She never once complained about being afraid of the dark. I think she’s developed this persona to keep herself detached. It's working well enough. Once she’s out, you’ll get your Clarke back. We just... we need to _get her out_ first.” 

“I’m working on it. I'm... I'm doing everything I can. She means the world to me, Raven. I need her back.” 

Raven’s grin was sad but honest. “Find something, Lexa. There has to be something,” she said. 

“I will,” Lexa said, confidently. “I’ll find something.” 

* * *

That night at dinner, Kennedy talked about Raven’s tattoos. She asked Lexa when she could get one. Kennedy did not like her answer to ‘when you become an adult.’ Lexa's mind was far away, but she managed to stay present for her daughter. Kennedy was playing with a few dinosaur figurines at the table while they ate. Lexa was distracted, too, by her laptop. She felt terrible for working during dinner, but her conversation with Raven had lit an internal fire inside of her. 

Kennedy sat on the closed toilet seat while Lexa filled the bathtub. When Kennedy sunk into the bubbly water, her head could barely be seen. The tub was one of the reasons she rented the apartment. It was huge and had water jets which Kennedy turned on. Lexa had already signed the rental agreement before realizing that Clarke was the one who loved baths. 

“Mommy, look at this,” Kennedy said, pointing down at the smiley face she made with the bubbles. 

“You’re such an artist,” she said with a smile. 

“I know. Like mama.” 

Lexa swallowed back tears. She leaned over and kissed Kennedy’s forehead. She might regret the words later, but Lexa desperately needed to say them aloud. “Mama’s coming home in six weeks,” she said. “Just six weeks and mama will come home to us.” 

* * *

_[Thirteen Years Earlier]_

_“Aren’t you excited about graduating?” Clarke whispered._

_Lexa turned around to face her in the queen-size bed and ran a finger down her cheek. She could not keep her eyes off Clarke’s mouth. The blonde even licked her lips,_ _unconsciously_ _, which drove Lexa crazy._

_“I guess,” Lexa said. “But I’m going right into law school in a few months.”_

_“My sexy lawyer,” she whispered._

_Lexa chuckled. She pulled her arm out from under the thick blanket and rested her palm on Clarke’s cheek. Clarke wrapped her fingers around Lexa’s wrist as they maintained eye contact. Lexa could feel Clarke’s pulse and her heart was beating rapidly. Clarke was worked up about something._

_They had just had sex, so Lexa knew it was not sexual frustration. Her mind went to extremes. There was something in Clarke’s eyes that she could not read. Perhaps Clarke was trying to break up with_ _her._ _Lexa had no idea what she would do if she did._

_Clarke had been her rock since they began dating a few months ago. She could not explain it, but there was something different about their relationship than any other she had been in. Lexa had not been in many and they had not lasted nearly this long. She tended to leave before feelings were involved._

_“Lexa, I...” Clarke started. She swallowed thickly._

_Lexa felt like her world was falling apart. Clarke was going to leave her. There was probably a good reason since Lexa kept her heart locked away. Clarke was the opposite. She believed in the goodness of everyone._

_“Just say it, Clarke,” Lexa said, pulling her hand away. “It’s fine.”_

_Clarke raised an eyebrow at her. “What is it that you think I’m going to say?” she asked._

_Lexa sat up and let the blanket fall off her body. She swung her legs off the bed until her feet were on the ground. Lexa did not notice her own overreaction since all she could focus on was the thought that Clarke was going to leave her._

_She was graduating from college tomorrow despite every odd against her. She had survived a group home. She had overcome so many things and she was letting a woman affect her this way. That was the risk you take when falling in love. This is exactly why she stayed away from relationships or left before anything happened. She did not need the distraction anyway. Law school was going to be_ _hard,_ _but becoming a lawyer was all she has wanted to do since watching her mother overdose in their living room while she ate cereal with water instead of milk. Her mother could never afford milk. She had other things to buy._

_Because of her panic, she did not notice Clarke now standing in front of her until the blonde grabbed the tops of her arms._

_“Lexa, stop,” Clarke said. She did not let the woman grab her other shoe. “Why are you leaving?”_

_“Me? Why am I leaving?” she asked._

_“Yes. Why are you leaving?”_

_“Because you’re going to break up with me and I don’t want to hang around afterward. You know what, I'll save you the trouble. We're over. I know you would try to drag it out to keep from hurting my feelings because... I'm not a good person like you are. So, I'm going to go back to my apartment. Don't bother checking on me.”_

_Clarke's eyes were red-rimmed. She moved to stand in front of her bedroom door, blocking it. “I’m not letting you leave, Lex,” she said._

_“I told you this was going to happen. You don’t have to feel bad now.”_

_“_ _Lexa,_ _sit down on the bed. I'm not asking. I'm telling. Sit down on that bed and shut the hell up, okay?”_

_Lexa was surprised by the sudden intensity of Clarke’s voice. She sat on the bed as Clarke instructed her to. Her heart was pounding. All she wanted to do was run back home and pretend this never happened._

_Clarke stared at her, unable to believe Lexa’s rant, and seemed breathless. Lexa could tell that she was surprised and hurt._

_“If you want to break up with me, fine,” Clarke said. “I can’t stop you.”_

_Lexa stayed silent but forced herself to look Clarke in the eye._

_“But I don’t want you to break up with me because I... I'm in love with you,” she said. “I got nervous when I tried to tell you earlier and...”_

_Lexa's hands were on her face and they were kissing before she could finish speaking. She lifted Clarke’s_ _legs until_ _they were around her waist. They made out against the wall for a long time before Lexa moved her to the bed._

_“Wait,” Clarke said, pulling away and catching her breath. “I’m sorry I scared you. But you are not allowed to do that to me again.”_

_“I’m sorry,” Lexa said. “I guess I just got... freaked out and scared. I, um... I'm in love with you, too. I've never said that before and I...”_

_“I know, Lex. I know you’re scared. I know. I'm scared, too.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to kiss me.”_

_Lexa smiled, blushing, and kissed her once. She moved down her neck. “I plan on doing a lot more than that, my love.”_

_Clarke melted._

* * *

Lexa sat in her car, gripping the steering wheel tight, as she sat in the prison parking lot. The building was surrounded by a tall fence with barbed wire on top. She imagined Clarke trying to climb the fence and run. It would be impossible for many reasons. But she would not even be able to hold herself up because Clarke’s arms were very weak. Lexa wondered if running for her life would change that. 

“Let’s go, mommy,” Kennedy said. 

She looked at the clock and saw that it was already noon. If Lexa was not inside the building at noon, they were less likely to give Clarke any kind of visitation. She grabbed Kennedy from her car seat and carried her to the gate. Thankfully, there was another family that was always here on Sunday standing in front of her. She let out a breath of relief when they were let inside. 

Clarke was already sitting at their usual table when they were led inside. Kennedy sat in the chair beside her as opposed to in her lap which Lexa could tell hurt her wife. Clarke moved her hands to her lap. She watched Lexa take the seat in front of her. 

“When can you take your stitches out?” Lexa asked. 

“A few weeks,” Clarke said, shrugging. 

“Kennedy, go sit on mama’s lap,” she said. 

Their daughter did as Lexa said. She sat backward like she always did so that she could look up at Clarke’s face. “Mommy said you’re coming home,” she said. 

Clarke's eyes moved to Lexa’s face and then back to her daughter. “I hope so,” she said. “But... it’ll be a while.” 

“Your friend came over yesterday,” Kennedy said. “She had the best tats ever! They were so cool, mama.” 

“Raven came over?” Clarke asked her wife. 

“She did,” Lexa said. “She, um... I think she just wanted to meet Kenny. She couldn’t get over how much you two looked alike.” 

“Why were you late today?” 

“I’m sorry. I lost track of time.” 

“Right, yeah. Listen, uh... I was thinking that you two could stay home next Sunday. We can just... we can talk on the phone another day.” 

There were tears in Clarke’s eyes and it broke her heart. “Clarke, don’t do that. I'm sorry. We want to come. Right, Kenny?” 

“The people are scary, mama. Why do they have guns?” Kennedy asked. 

Lexa’s heart broke because she knew that Clarke’s would. One look at her face confirmed it. Things were spiraling out of control and Lexa felt like she was trying to catch sand. 

“Because sometimes people do bad things,” Clarke said. She leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “But they won’t hurt you, baby. I want you and mommy to stay home next week, okay?” 

“Okay, mama,” she said. “We can go to the park.” 

“Exactly.” Clarke’s voice broke when she said the word. 

“No, we’ll be here next week,” Lexa said. Her voice grew soft as she leaned in closer. “Clarke, I'm telling you to stop doing that. Stop pushing us away.” 

“Lexa,” she said. Clarke leaned in just as her wife did. “She’s a child. A baby. Our baby. When I... when I carried her, you promised to protect her. You did protect her.” Clarke looked over at the armed guards by the door. They met her eyes before turning back to Lexa. “And I want you to protect her from this place. When I get out... when I get out, Lexa, I won’t regret this. I'm asking you to... not to bring her next Sunday. I can’t stop you from coming but... leave Ken with your sister or my mom.” 

“Clarke, I'm telling you right now that Kennedy is coming next week,” Lexa said. “You’re being a martyr. You're giving up and it... you never let _me_ give up. I'm not letting you give up either. I'm working every single second of the day to get you out of here. You fought for me, for years, and now it’s my turn to fight for you.” 

Tears streamed down Clarke’s face as she kissed the top of Kennedy’s head. Their daughter did not complain about how tight Clarke was holding her or the tears in her hair. 

“This is different, and you know it,” Clarke said. 

“How?” she asked. “Remember when you would stay up just to make sure I didn’t leave in the middle of the night? Yeah, well... now I’m staying up to make sure that _you_ don’t leave _me_.” 

Clarke met her eyes and Lexa could see her brain working. She understood what Lexa was saying. “I love you,” she said, reaching her hand out. 

Lexa grinned as she laid her hand in Clarke’s. “I love you,” Lexa said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline (for clarity)
> 
> met: 2007  
> engaged: 2010  
> married: 2012  
> kennedy born: 2016  
> separated: 2019  
> clarke arrested: 2020


	8. Chapter 8

_[Thirteen Years Earlier]_

_Clarke felt very lucky. The woman lying next to her was by far the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen. She had been out with friends when they met at the bar. It felt like a cliché. They were out celebrating Clarke’s twenty-fourth birthday. Jasper kept buying her shots. Monty and Echo were playing pool. Clarke had tried to play a game and ended up hanging her stick over. It was boring and she would rather be dancing anyway._

_But while Jasper was at the bar, Clarke had decided to join him. He laughed at her when she tripped over her foot. She slapped his arm. The liquid spilled from the cup in his hand._

_“Oh, I’m sorry,” Clarke said to the person in the seat beside them. Thankfully, the alcohol had only spilled on the bar and not on her clothes at all._

_“It’s fine,” the woman replied._

_Clarke leaned around Jasper to see who had spoken. She was met with the brightest green eyes she had ever seen. They seemed to speak to Clarke without the woman saying words. When she smiled, Clarke’s knees buckled._

_“Are you okay?” the woman asked. There was a playful smirk on her face._

_“Yes,” Clarke replied. “Or... maybe I was like two seconds ago but now...”_

_The woman turned in her seat and Clarke realized that Jasper had left. They were facing each other. There were_ _only two feet of space between them._

_“Are you flirting with me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow._

_“Do you want me to?” Clarke asked. “No, wait... I can do better than that.”_

_The woman laughed and it was magical. Her laugh made Clarke’s heart flutter as if it might_ _burst_ _._

_“Okay,” she said. “Then I'll give you a minute to think of something better. By the way, my name is Lexa.”_

_Clarke grinned as she leaned against the bar. The spilled drink was forgotten as it had already been cleaned up. She was too distracted by green eyes to notice. (Clarke would be distracted by those eyes for many years to come but had no idea then.)_

_“My name is Clarke,” she said. “And aside from being the sexiest person here, what do you do for a living?”_

_Lexa laughed again. “That was not any better,” she said. “It was probably_ _worse_ _than your first try.”_

_“That was gold and you know it,” Clarke said with a smile._

_“Your friends are watching us.”_

_Clarke looked back and found three sets of eyes on her. She rolled her eyes before turning toward Lexa again. “They’re very overprotective. Plus, it’s my birthday.”_

_“It’s your birthday?” Lexa asked. “How old are you?”_

_“Hmm... why should I tell you?”_

_Lexa leaned in until her lips were touching the edge of Clarke’s ear. “Because I would like to know before I go home with you, birthday girl,” she whispered._

_When Lexa pulled back and met her eyes again, Clarke was unable to speak for (maybe) a minute. “Okay,” Clarke finally replied. “That one was good.”_

_Lexa, indeed, had left with her not twenty minutes after that and now they were lying in her bed. Lexa seemed to be asleep as it was almost four in the morning. Clarke turned on her side. She pulled the comforter higher up Lexa’s body so her entire chest was covered._

_Clarke was asleep a few minutes later. Lexa was gone when she woke up and Clarke pretended not to care. She knew next to nothing about Lexa’s personal life, so it was impossible to go find her. She spent the next two Saturdays in the same bar with no luck. She told herself that if she did not see Lexa that night then she would give up._

_“So, are we pretending to be hanging out while you watch the door?” Echo asked._

_A woman with brown hair stepped inside the bar, but it was not Lexa. She looked back at her friend and sipped the drink in her hand._

_“Sorry, what?” Clarke asked._

_“Have you tried social media_ _stalking this girl?” she asked._

_“No. I don’t know her last name.”_

_Echo rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. She messed with it for a minute, typing a few things, and making unreadable facial expressions. Finally, she smiled. “Woods,” she said. “Her name is Lexa Woods. She works at Grounders Coffee. She goes to college not far from here.”_

_“What? How did you know all that?” Clarke asked, grabbing her phone. She scrolled through Lexa’s Facebook profile. Lexa had not posted much but there were some posts that other people had tagged her in,_ _including_ _coworkers._

_“You should go there. You could just, like, pretend to be there for coffee,” Echo said._

_“Real subtle, E. She left my apartment. She doesn’t want a relationship,” she said._

_“Then why are we here looking for her?”_

_Clarke did not have a good answer to her question. She had been asking herself that since they arrived. If she did see Lexa, would Clarke pretend to bump into her again? That seemed... stalker-_ _ish_ _._

_But Clarke could not let her slip away either._

_A few days later, Clarke could not take it anymore. She had somehow worked herself up into a frenzy. She was mad. How could Lexa leave in the middle of the night after the fun they had? How could Lexa not want her as much as Clarke wanted_ _her?_ _Clarke needed answers._

_She walked into Grounders with her hands stuffed into her_ _thick_ _coat. A woman was standing behind the bar with very high cheekbones. She looked at Clarke very intensely as if trying to figure out who she was._

_“Hi, um... does Lexa work here?” Clarke asked._

_The woman smiled like she had a secret. “Yes,” she said._

_When she offered nothing else, Clarke asked, “Is she here now?”_

_Clarke was beginning to feel very uncomfortable by this woman’s gaze. She looked Clarke up and down before turning her head slightly. “Lex!” she called. “Someone is here to see you.”_

_Lexa walked out of the door behind the counter. “What?” she asked before her eyes landed on Clarke. Her shoulders seemed to_ _drop,_ _and Clarke wondered why she had come here. It suddenly felt like a terrible idea. Perhaps it always had, but Clarke had to try._

_Clarke walked over to where Lexa had stopped. “Hey,” she said._

_“Clarke,” she said. Her eyes seemed to express happiness, but Clarke figured she was seeing what she wanted to. “What are you doing here?”_

_“I, um...” she said. Clarke glanced down at her hands before forcing herself to look up at Lexa. There was no alcohol to give her the confidence she desperately needed. “I wanted to ask you if, maybe... you wanted to go out with me sometime.”_

_“Like a date? Sorry, but I can’t.”_

_“As in... you're busy or you don’t want to?”_

_“Do you want to know the answer to that question?”_

_“Well, I wasn’t sure if you had, maybe... wanted to hang out again but didn’t have my number.”_

_“I knew where you lived, Clarke.”_

_Clarke’s heart sunk and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Right, yeah. Sorry. It was stupid of me to come here. I'll go. Have a... have a good day.”_

_She left as quickly as she could. Clarke wanted to run away from here and not stop until she was driving her car into the ocean. She wanted to hide until everyone forgot who she was. Clarke had never been so_ _embarrassed_ _in her life._

_Clarke picked up_ _Chinese_ _takeout on her way home. A movie played while she ate on her couch in sweatpants and wrapped in her favorite blanket. There were many texts from her friends that she had ignored since leaving the coffee shop earlier._

_When there was a knock at her door, Clarke assumed it was Echo. “I’m fine, E,” she said loudly, walking toward the door. “I’m...”_

_The words died in her throat when she found Lexa standing in front of her. She was wearing the same clothes beside the coat she now wore._

_There was a takeout container in Clarke’s hand which she quickly laid on the counter. She also wiped her mouth in case there was any food there. This whole day was going to go down as the worst of her life._

_“I’m sorry about earlier,” Lexa said. “I was a total dick. I guess I could give you all kinds of excuses but... you didn’t deserve that. I've been thinking about you. A lot. I guess I panicked when I realized I had stayed the night. But I have been thinking about you. I’ve_ _walked_ _here a few times but chickened out.”_

_“Um, okay?” Clarke asked._

_Lexa cleared her throat. “So,_ _basically_ _, what I'm saying is that... yes, I do want to go on a date with you. But I’m terrified. I’m sorry for leaving and treating you like shit earlier.”_

_“Oh, uh... okay. Do you want to come in?” Clarke asked._

_“As long as you promise not to make any moves on me. We_ _must_ _go on at least one date before we sleep together again.”_

_Clarke moved to the side and let her in. Lexa shrugged out of her coat._

_“Why do you get to make all the rules?” Clarke teased._

_Lexa smirked at her as she tossed her coat on the kitchen counter. “Because I want to hear what you sound like when you beg,” she said. “And see what your eyes look like in candlelight.”_

_When Clarke kissed her on the couch that night, Lexa did not pull away. (They managed to not sleep together that night even though Clarke tried. However, they wasted no time after their first date two days later.)_

* * *

It had been six days since Raven got released from state prison. Clarke had never felt so alone in her life. She was constantly surrounded by other people, but she hardly spoke more than five words throughout the days following her friend’s release. 

But today felt different. She awoke to a bad feeling and it followed her through breakfast. She could barely eat with the dread in her stomach. Clarke could feel stares at her back as she walked back toward her cell. If this were a normal day (as in, if Raven were here), she might have gone to the library or sat in the main hall. Even here, Raven had a way of taking the pressure off. 

Before she had the chance to say or do anything, someone’s hand was shoving her head into the concrete wall. She realized much too late that she was falling and was, therefore, unable to catch herself. As soon as her head hit the ground, Clarke's vision went blurry. She pushed herself away from the wall as much as possible in case they tried to kick her. When she moved, there was a red bloodstain on the floor from her head wound. 

Clarke was not sure how long it took for someone to arrive to help. She managed to stay awake until she saw a guard. It looked like Officer Murphy, but her vision was too cloudy to be sure. 

“Le...” Clarke tried. It felt like she was trying to speak with a rag in her mouth. “Le...” 

“There’s an ambulance on the way,” someone said softly. “Can you hear me? 201, can you hear me?” 

If Clarke could, she would have laughed. She could be dying from internal bleeding and the people helping her did not even know her real name. It was ironic. Clarke saved people for a living. She devoted her life to saving other people. Now, she needed someone else to save her and she could not trust them. 

She wanted Lexa. Clarke knew something was wrong and she wanted Lexa. There were only three days until Sunday visitation, but Clarke doubted she would be back by then if they took her to the hospital. She felt nauseous, but she could not tell if it was from stress or the head wound. Clarke blacked out before she could be sure of anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about that


	9. Chapter 9

“Very good, Kenny,” Luna said. 

Kennedy smiled proudly when she landed her spins. Lexa was not sure of the technical terms when it came to Kennedy’s dance class. Lexa’s fingers itched to get her laptop from the car and continue working, but Kennedy always got upset when she was not paying attention. This was the only time in the week that Lexa forced herself to cease work on Clarke’s case. 

“Mommy, mommy,” Kennedy said. 

Lexa smiled and nodded at her. “Very good, sweetheart,” she said.

Her phone rang and she answered it quickly before it disturbed their practice. Lexa stepped out of the room.

“Hello?” she asked.

_ “Mrs. Griffin-Woods,” the woman at the end of the line said. “This is the DC Department of Corrections. I am calling to inform you that your legal spouse, Clarke Abigail Griffin-Woods has been transferred to a local hospital for medical treatment.” _

Lexa saw red. Raven had promised her that Clarke would be safe. This had something to do with the person who gave her stitches the first time. “Where is she?” Lexa asked. “I’m on my way to the hospital.”

_ “Unfortunately, Mrs. Griffin-Woods,” the woman said. “You are unable to see the inmate.” _

“I am going to see her,” Lexa said. “You tell me what happened right now!”

The parents in the lobby were staring at her. They were trying to listen in to the conversation and it made her even madder. Lexa turned her back to them. 

_ “I’m sorry,” she said. “I am unable to give you any information.” _

“Then why did you even call?” Lexa asked. “What’s your name?

_ The woman on the other end cleared her throat. “Lexa,” she said in a softer tone. “It’s Officer Porter from the front desk. Look... your lucky to be receiving this call, okay? I’m sorry. The ambulance got here as soon as possible. I can’t tell you anything else.” _

“Officer Porter, please,” Lexa begged. “Just... was it the same person who hurt her before? Was she awake when she left?”

_ “I cannot tell you anything else,” Officer Porter said. “I’m sorry.” _

Lexa hung up before she got herself into trouble. The last thing she needed was to be on an officer’s bad side. Lexa was not dumb. She knew the system was corrupt. That was why she devoted her life to helping people get out of it. If she learned anything in the group home, Lexa learned that you protected herself and the things you loved. 

“Luna, sorry to do this,” Lexa said. “But we have to leave early. Like, right now. Come on, Ken. Grab your bag.”

“But mommy,” Kennedy whined. “I haven’t done my routine yet.”

“Let’s go, Ken,” she said again. “Grandma and grandpa want you to come over for dinner.”

Lexa did not feel guilty at all for lying to her daughter. She texted Abby that she was dropping Kennedy off as she packed her bag and followed Lexa out of the studio. Her finger hovered over a name in her contacts, but she locked her phone before pressing the name. 

The ride to Abby’s house was filled with questions and short answers that were mostly lies. Lexa’s head was spinning with anger. She debated on traveling to every hospital near the state prison, but she knew it would only make things worse. The doctors would help Clarke as best as they could. Lexa was not going to sit around and wait for the call.

Abby was outside her house when Lexa parked. The little girl unbuckled herself and ran through the grass toward her grandmother. Lexa climbed out of the car. Abby ushered Kennedy into the house where Kane was waiting for her. He nodded at the two women before closing the door behind them.

“Hey,” Abby said, walking toward her. “What’s going on?”

“Clarke’s, um... she got hurt and... I don’t know, but... I can’t tell you what I’m about to do,” Lexa said. “But I need you to keep Ken until I come back to get her.”

“Lexa,” she said, putting her hands on the tops of Lexa’s arms. She squeezed gently. “You need to calm down. You cannot do anything stupid.”

“I’m going to see someone. Clarke’s friend from the inside. There’s someone in there who has it in for Clarke.”

“You need to listen to me. Lexa, look at me. Take a deep breath.”

Lexa did as her mother-in-law said. She kept her eyes on Abby’s and tried to count to ten before the woman started speaking again. 

“If you do anything, it will come back on Clarke,” Abby said. 

“No offense, Abby,” Lexa said. “But I know more about prison than you do. I'm the one who sees her every week. You should have seen her face after they... I have to go. Tell Kennedy that I’ll be back later.”

Lexa heard the door open. Kennedy ran down the steps and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s legs. 

“Tell her yourself,” Kane said.

Lexa momentarily forgot her anger. Kennedy was staring up at her with Clarke’s blue eyes and she was brought back to every good time she had with her wife. Lexa got down on her knees in front of her daughter and pushed her hair back from her face.

Kennedy had never looked so much like Clarke. Lexa always saw her wife in Kennedy’s face, but this time was different. Lexa could not do anything to put their baby in danger. If Lexa made a mistake and Kennedy paid the price for it, Clarke would never forgive her. No matter how angry Lexa was, Kennedy came first. Lexa had a hard time accepting it, but Clarke was an adult. Kennedy was just a child.

“Listen, baby,” Lexa said. “Mommy’s going to go visit your mama’s friend, Raven. I’ll be back after dinner with grandma and grandpa, okay?”

“I wanna go, mommy,” she said. 

“Next time. You can go with me next time. I promise.”

* * *

It was not hard to find the name of Raven’s tattoo parlor. It only took twenty minutes to drive into town from Abby and Kane’s house. She sat in her car for a moment to get her bearings before climbing out. The tattoo parlor was pushed back away from the street. There were plenty of neon signs lit up in the windows, so she was unable to see inside from the sidewalk. 

There was a bell on the door that made a noise when Lexa pushed it open. She could see the top of Raven’s head behind one of the half-walls that separated the stations from the rest of the shop. Raven glanced up to see who had arrived and smirked to herself.

“Hey,” Raven said. “I’m going to assume you aren’t here for a tattoo.”

Lexa walked closer and leaned over the half-wall. Raven was tattooing her leg. Lexa raised an eyebrow and Raven just shrugged casually. 

“I don’t trust anyone else,” Raven said.

“That’s true,” a man said. 

Lexa turned to see who had spoken and her breath got caught in her lungs. “Lincoln?” she asked.

Lincoln's eyes were wide as he looked at Lexa, realizing who she was, and bit down on the inside of his cheek. A woman emerged from the back and moved to stand at his side. The woman looked up at Lincoln, silently questioning him.

“I, um... we know each other,” Lincoln said.

Raven shut down her tattoo machine. She moved to stand beside Lexa now. 

“How do you two know each other?” the other woman asked, defensively.

Lexa could tell they were in a relationship. The woman looked at Lexa up and down as if something was going on between herself and Lincoln.  There was a time in Lexa’s life where  she would have made this woman regret looking at her at all. 

“O, down,” Raven said. “This is Clarke’s wife, Lexa. Trust me, she’s the  _ last  _ person who wants your  _ man _ .”

She had a feeling that Lincoln had not told Octavia about his past. Lexa was not going to be the one who ruined whatever delusion he had created. Admittedly, there were some things that Lexa had not been a hundred percent honest with Clarke about. But her wife knew enough. There were so many things that Lexa was ashamed of. Lincoln had been there for some of them.

“Rae,” Lexa said, looking at her fully. “Can we talk for a moment? Alone?”

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “You two. Go pick up some food.”

Lincoln’s girlfriend, O, rolled her eyes. She grabbed her purse from behind another station wall and started for the door. Lincoln looked at Lexa, apologetically, before following. 

“Okay,” Raven said. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “We, um... we knew each other when we were younger.”

“I won’t ask,” Raven said. “So, what’s going on?”

“They, uh... they called and told me Clarke was transported to the hospital,” Lexa said. 

Raven sighed and rubbed a hand down her face. She was already thinking. Lexa had a pretty good idea of what she was thinking about (or who she was thinking about). 

“All I need is a name,” she said. “Give me a name, Raven.”

“Lexa...” Raven said softly. 

“Come on. I won’t say who it came from. I'll take care of everything.”

“Clarke told me a little bit about you, Lex. Some of your background. You know exactly why I’m not going to give you her name. Plus, if it’s the same person... she’s  well connected on the outside. She could fuck up your life. I’ll see what I can find out from a few people still inside.”

“That’s not good enough, Raven.”

“Lexa, I need you to think about this very carefully. You are Clarke’s lawyer. The cops are looking for every reason to blame this murder on her. She'll be fine. You could probably even sue the person who assaulted her.”

“Have you ever been completely in love with someone? Is there anyone in the world who you would die for?”

Raven sat down in one of the chairs but made sure to keep eye contact with Lexa. “I can think of someone like that,’ she said. “But none of that matters right now. If you go in there... hiring someone to take one of the girls out, how long do you think it would be before they catch you? Lexa, they put Clarke away from something she didn’t even do. She's got... what? Five weeks?”

“I hear you, Raven. I do. But I don’t care to spend the rest of my life in prison if it means she’s safe. Don't you care at all about her? I know you do. You promised she would be safe and that didn’t work.”

“And then she gets found guilty for Finn’s murder. Kennedy would grow up without either one of you. Is that what you want?”

Lexa pressed her thumb and forefinger into her eye  sockets hard enough to hurt. She just wanted to start all over. She wanted to go back to when things were good. Lexa had never been happier than when she and Clarke had been married. Lexa never thought she would have that before meeting Clarke. It was impossible to imagine now.

“No,” Lexa said, slumping into one of the chairs. “Clarke would... Clarke would hate me if I lost Kennedy. She, um... she said that she didn’t want Kennedy to come to visitation anymore. She’s already planning to be out of her life. Clarke thinks she’s going to be found guilty and I... I'm losing confidence in everything, too.”

Raven stood and walked over so she was standing in front of Lexa. She pointed a very stern finger at her. “Now, you listen to me right now,” she said, angrily. “You need to get your fucking head out of your ass and get your shit together. I know you’re stressed. I'll help with that. I'll come over and play with Kennedy while you’re working. I'll take her out or something, but I need you to keep it together. Clarke needs you to keep it together.”

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re right,” she said. “You’re right. I'm... I guess some days it feels like I’m drowning. You know? Today is one of those days. I just want to know that she’s okay.”

“Give me a second,” Raven said. She pulled her phone from her pocket and grabbed a pack of  cigarettes from the front counter. She slipped out of the front door before pressing the phone to her ear.

* * *

_ [Thirty Years Earlier] _

_ Lexa’s eighth birthday came and went without anyone noticing. She was fine with that. Lexa would rather not speak to anyone in the group home anyway. The only person who sometimes spoke to her was a ten-year-old boy who slept in the boys’ bedroom down the hall. It had begun to rain, so Lexa went outside. She laid in the grass on the side of the house, where no one could see her, and stared at the sky. She tried to guess where the next raindrop would hit her body. _

_ “There’s an adoption thing this weekend,” Lincoln said. “She just told me.” _

_ His jacket was already drenched. Lexa was so jealous of him. He was tall and a boy and everything Lexa was not. He laid down on the grass beside her. _

_ “What are you looking at?” he asked. _

_ Lexa shrugged. “The sky,” she said. “The water. I don’t know. I like the rain.” _

_ “Yeah, I guess it’s pretty cool,” he said. _

_ She could tell he did not care at all about the rain and would rather be inside. Her heart was happy that he was here though. If he asked, Lexa would have lied about being happy.  _

_ “The... the adoption thing,” Lexa said. “What is it like?” _

_ “It’s boring and weird,” he said. “We basically sit with kids our age and people look at us like animals in a zoo. It's mostly rich people and people who do want a kid but... not many kids get adopted when they get to our age. The babies and little kids do.” _

_ “I don’t want to be adopted anyway,” she said. “I’ll be going back home soon. As soon as my mom gets out of jail, I'm going home.” (She did not.) _

_ “Yeah, well... no one _ _ looks at the older groups anyway,” Lincoln said. _

_ When Lexa got home from school on Monday, Lincoln’s stuff was gone. The woman who ran the group home told Lexa that he had been adopted by someone at the festival that weekend. Lexa pretended that she was not jealous or sad.  _

_ When her stepsister, Anya, turned eighteen two years later and took custody of Lexa, she still remembered the boy who laid in the rain with her and talked to her like a human. _

* * *

“Clarke’s at the hospital,” Raven said.

“What? We already knew that,” she said. “Who did you talk to?”

“I have some contacts. The girl who did it is already in solitary with no potential of getting out any time soon.”

“That’s good, at least. What else did they say?”

“So, she had a head wound when she left prison. She passed out before the ambulance arrived but was awake again as they rolled her out.”

Lexa’s face fell into her head. Her elbows dug uncomfortably into her thighs. 

“But,” Raven said. “They’ll be calling you soon. I made sure of that. They'll tell you everything they know. Probably won’t call until tomorrow morning.”

Lexa could not do much now. She knew that Raven was right about Kennedy and Clarke. Lexa was going to have to be the strong one. She was tired of being the strong  one, but she had no choice. Clarke had held her above water for so many years. 

The bell dinged on the door as Lincoln and his girlfriend returned. Lexa watched the man, who had  grown up, and nodded at him. He nodded back, once, before disappearing into the back room. Lexa suddenly felt like she was eight years old again. 

“Your friend,” Lexa said. “What’s her name?”

“Octavia Blake,” she said. “They’ve been together for a while. She just found out that she’s pregnant.”

“Wow. That's  great .”

“Yeah, they’re pretty happy. O’s a lot younger than he is. It's a running joke around here. He knocked up a young girl when he turned forty. He's sensitive about his age.”

“I guess we all are once we get past thirty. You'll find out soon enough.” 

Lexa stood from her chair and wiped her sweaty hands on her pants. She missed her daughter. She should have stayed for dinner with Abby and Kane, but then she would not have been promised a phone call from someone who knew about Clarke’s  condition. Lexa would have also not seen Lincoln again after all these years. She was surprised she recognized him despite the decades that had passed. 

“Speaking of which... you totally don’t have to answer this, but... did you and Clarke want to have another kid?” Raven asked. 

“No,” Lexa said, chuckling. She glanced down at the floor and wondered if she would cry. “We wanted one perfect kid and we got her.”

“I guess your jobs don’t leave a lot of free time either,” she said.

“I guess so,” Lexa said. “But we could have figured something out if Clarke wanted another. As you know, I didn’t have the best childhood. I guess I wouldn’t mind trying to adopt or something.”

“Maybe you guys will one day.”

Lexa nodded and started toward the door. She pushed it open,  heard the bell, and stopped. Raven was still sitting in the same  place .

“Thank you, Raven,” Lexa said. “Oh, and Kennedy wants to see your tattoo shop soon.”

Raven laughed. “Bring the nugget by any time,” she said. “I would be happy to show her around. Who knows? Maybe one day she’ll be tattooing in the station next to me.”

Lexa smiled at the thought. “She’ll try to hurt me one way or another,” she joked. She could hear Raven’s laugh until the door swung closed. 

She pulled her keys from her pocket and unlocked her car door. The bell dinged  again, and Lexa knew who it was before she turned around.

“Lexa,” Lincoln said. “Um... how are you?”

“I’ve been better,” she said. “How are you?  Congratulations by the way. Raven told me that you’re going to have a kid soon. That's great.”

“Yeah, we just found out about a week ago. We should... we should hang out soon. Maybe once things calm down with...”

Lexa chuckled but nothing was funny. “It’ll be a while before things calm down for me. We’ll probably have to move once she gets out anyway.”

“It’s crazy, you know,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I bet you always thought it would be you ending up there.”

“I did,” Lexa said. “End up there, I mean. A few times. Nothing ever stuck too badly. I'm, uh... I'm assuming your girl doesn’t know about the group home. You looked freaked when you saw me in there.”

“Yeah, about that... she thinks my parents...” 

“Hey, you don’t have to defend yourself to me. It's great that you got adopted into such a good situation. I wasn’t there for too much longer before my sister took me in, so... I guess things worked out well enough for both of us. I won’t say anything to her... if that’s why you came out here.”

“No, I came out here because I just wanted to... say hi. It’s good to see you.”

“You too, Lincoln.”

Lexa watched him in her rearview mirror until he was out of sight. She did not feel at all better, but hopefully, Raven’s contact would call in the morning. Raven’s contact had not worked before, so Lexa did not know what to believe.

“Mommy!” Kennedy shouted when she walked into Abby’s house. “Grandma made tacos!”

“Yum,” she said. Lexa nodded at Abby and Kane while her daughter was distracted with her food again. “Do you mind if I eat?”

Abby stood. “Of course,” she said. “Here, sweetheart. Let me get you a plate.”

That was the first time Abby had spoken so sweetly to her since she and Clarke separated. She did not know why Abby was suddenly being so nice to her, but Lexa appreciated it. This had been one of the more stressful days she had experienced since Clarke’s arrest. 

“Listen... I don’t want to impose,” Lexa said softly as Abby made her food. “Do you think... could Ken and I stay in the guest room tonight? I don’t want to drive home and I... my head is pounding and-”

“Yes,” she said. “Of course. We would love that.”


	10. Chapter 10

There was a loud beeping that seemed to echo in her head. Clarke recognized the sound well. She was in a hospital. It was not her hospital. The smells were different, and she did not recognize any of the voices. Her head was itching like crazy but, when she tried to scratch it, the cuffs stopped her. Clarke was cuffed to the bed. 

Her eyes opened slowly. Clarke noticed the guard standing at the door. Every person that walked by the room seemed to stare at her. They must have figured out who she was by now. To the world, Clarke was a surgeon who turned into a killer. Gossip like that spreads like wildfire in hospitals. She remembered a few inmates coming into her hospital when she was working there. 

“Dr. Griffin,” someone said. “Glad to see you awake.” 

Clarke had not been Dr. Griffin for eight years. She grinned when she saw who was standing in her doorway. “Wells,” she said. 

Wells quickly closed the door. “Don’t let him figure out that you know me,” he said. “They’ll have you moved out of the unit. Or to another hospital.” 

As happy as Clarke was to see him, her heart ached. Wells must have heard about her charges. She surely did not look anything like the wide-eyed, excited medical student to him any longer. Clarke was now a murderer in their eyes. 

“Wells, I...” Clarke said. 

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t you dare say anything. Clarke, I know you. The first time I heard... it’s all bullshit. I haven’t trusted the cops since.” 

“They aren’t all bad,” she said. “But what am I looking at? Concussion?” 

“Among other things,” he said. “Clarke, you hit your head twice. It's a traumatic brain injury. It's mild as far as we can tell, but you’ll probably have symptoms for a while.” 

“Yeah,” she said, letting her head fall back on the pillow. “Taste and smell, vomiting, I know it all. Could you do me a favor though? I hate to ask you to do this... and you don’t have to do it at all.” 

“I’ve already called Lexa,” he said. “We, um... we’ve worked out a way for her to stop in here for a second. I can’t give you too many details just in case someone figures it out, but... you won’t be blamed for anything if it does.” 

Clarke tried sitting up more, but her head started to spin. “You called her?” she asked. 

“She’s on her way here now,” Wells said with a grin. 

“Do I... do I look okay?” Clarke asked. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment at having to ask. 

“You’re always beautiful, Clarke,” he said softly. 

Clarke’s heart ached as she looked at him. She suspicions all those years ago were true. Wells had been in love with her, might still be in love with her, but she had already been dating Lexa when they met in their last residency program. 

“Um... she isn’t bringing Kennedy, right?” Clarke asked. 

“She didn’t say anything about anyone else coming,” he said. “I did tell her to come by herself so that it would be easier to sneak her in.” 

“I... I don’t know what to say, Wells,” she said. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” 

“Happy to do it,” he said. “I’m happy to see you two are still together. You two were... something else back in the day.” 

“Trust me, we’ve had our problems,” she said. “What about you? Are you married?” 

“Nope,” he said. “Dated someone for a while. Just didn’t work out.” 

“Sorry to hear that,” she said. 

Wells shrugged. “It happens,” he said. “I’ll be back in a little while.” 

Clarke closed her eyes. She felt dizzy and nauseous, as to be expected with a mild brain injury and concussion, but she must have eventually fallen asleep. There were noises, but she could not get herself to fully wake up. It was a weird feeling. 

There was a new weight on one side of the bed. “It’s me, my love,” Lexa whispered. “Can you hear me?” 

She pulled herself from the half-aware state of sleep she was in. Lexa’s face was close to hers when she opened her eyes. It was the closest they had been in almost a year. Without the constant beeping of the monitors, Clarke might have been able to trick herself into thinking they were at home and in their bed. 

Before Clarke could ask, Lexa kissed her. It felt almost as good as their first kiss. Maybe as good as their wedding kiss. She remembered it well. Clarke remembered how happy and invincible she felt. She had been certain that nothing bad would ever happen to them. 

“You’re here,” Clarke whispered. 

“I’m here,” Lexa said. “Are you okay? Are you hurting?” 

“I feel okay,” she said. “Where’s Kennedy?” 

“With your mom and Marcus. We stayed the night there last night. Long story. Gustus must like you, babe.” 

“What’s not to like?” 

Lexa laughed before leaning down to kiss her again. “That’s my girl,” Lexa said. 

“How long can you stay?” Clarke asked. 

“Just a few minutes.” 

Clarke reached over with the one hand that was not cuffed to the bed and laced their fingers together. Someone knocked on the door which must have been the signal for Lexa to leave. Her wife got off the bed and wiped her hands on her pants. Lexa’s hands always got sweaty when she was nervous. 

“I love you,” Clarke said with a smile. “Tell Kenny that I love her.” 

”We love you more,” Lexa said.

They kissed again as Lexa did not want to leave. Clarke was clinging to her wife, too. There was another knock before Gustus pushed open the door. He must have offered to guard her door. 

“I know you heard me,” he said sternly. 

“Go, Lex,” Clarke said. “I’m okay. I love you.” 

“I love you, darling,” she said on her way out the door. 

* * *

Clarke jolted awake and the sounds of the metal cuffs against the metal bed frame were much too loud in her ears. She looked toward the door and saw that it was not Gustus sitting outside her door. Her chest began to ache. Lexa had not been here at all. It had been a dream, or a hallucination, caused by the pain medicine she was on for her head injury. 

“Hey!” Clarke tried to shout. It did not come out as anything more than a normal speaking voice, if not quieter than usual, but the guard looked back from his perch by the door. 

“What?” he asked. 

“Was there anyone here?” she asked. 

“You aren’t allowed visitors, so no,” he replied. “Only your doctor and cleared nurses.” 

“Who is my doctor?” 

“I don’t know her name.” 

“Her? My doctor isn’t named Dr. Jaha?” 

“No. No more talking.” 

Clarke let her head fall back on the uncomfortable pillow. It felt like heaven compared to the pillow on the cot in her cell. Her head was pounding and there was heavy gauze wrapped around her head which made her neck hurt. Mostly, Clarke was tired. She was tired of everything. Her lips burned as if Lexa truly had kissed her. A year without kissing or touching her wife was beginning to weigh on her. It had been almost eight months since having any kind of sexual release. Even before being arrested, Clarke had done nothing for two months before. She realized now that she had been depressed even then. 

* * *

_[Eight Months Earlier]_

_There was a bird outside her kitchen window. It chirped as she took a sip of her coffee. The house was quiet, too quiet, as Lexa had taken Kennedy back to her apartment the night before. Kane had taken her off the schedule_ _for_ _the day. She was slipping, and people were starting to notice. As much as Kane loved her, he could not have her mistakes on his record._

_Lexa knew nothing about her current work situation. Why would she care? Lexa had packed up her things, made a custody schedule, and left the home they bought together. Lexa had not fought her on anything. Clarke had wanted her to. She had wanted Lexa to fight for something, for them, but she had not._

_Clarke grabbed one of the picture frames off the living room wall. She stared down at it. The time when it was taken felt like a different life. Kennedy had only been eighteen months old. Clarke had been so miserable about her weight as she was unable to get her body back to before giving birth. Lexa liked kissing her belly and her thighs, other things, and reminding Clarke that her body had created the most precious thing in the entire world. Tears formed in her eyes when she_ _remembered_ _it._

_The day they split had been tough. Clarke had tried to explain the reasons for being on her phone more as work had been more stressful than ever. Lexa just kept saying that she was being_ _distant,_ _and they did not have sex as much as they did before. Their schedules were overwhelming most days and Kennedy demanded all their free time. It was not that she did not want to have sex with her wife. Clarke did._

_But none of that mattered anymore. Lexa was living miles away. She had her own bed. They no longer fell asleep next to each other or talked on the phone during their lunch break. Lexa could now go out on dates with another woman. She could tell that woman the same stories she used to stay awake and tell Clarke. They could sip wine over candlelight and giggle. They could fall into each other’s beds and..._

_Clarke just wanted her back. Yes, she had been distant during their last few months_ _together,_ _but it had not been personal. Clarke had thought they could get past it. Clarke never in her wildest dreams thought Lexa would move out._

_Lexa had a habit of jumping to conclusions. Clarke vividly remembered the times when they would fight for hours and it all boiled down to Lexa believing that Clarke wanted to leave her. It had been heartbreaking at the time, but now it was even more upsetting. Lexa had freaked out for the same reasons now. But the present was different than the years they were broke and living in a crappy apartment. They had a daughter._

_There was a part of Clarke that was mad at Lexa for leaving, a larger part than she would ever admit, but it was the risk she took when falling in love with her. Lexa's past did not make her the most stable partner. Lexa's mother had been a terrible role model. Lexa had raised herself and fought for everything she got._

_Clarke went upstairs and laid back down in their bed. She reached for Lexa’s old pillow. It no longer smelled like she did after two months of her being gone but it was comforting. She pictured Lexa’s smile when they got married. She thought about how worried Lexa had been when their baby came out silent. She thought about every night they laughed while_ _lying_ _in bed until Clarke was sobbing._

* * *

“Mrs. Griffin-Woods,” the doctor said as she entered the room. 

“Doctor,” Clarke corrected. 

“Yes?” 

“No, I mean... my name is Dr. Griffin-Woods.” 

The doctor cleared her throat, but Clarke held her chin high. The woman believed Clarke was a murderer as everyone else did, but Clarke had worked her ass off to become a doctor, and that had not changed even if her freedom had. 

“My apologies,” the woman said. “As you’re probably already aware, we have given you pain medication. You suffered brain swelling as a result of the trauma to your head. You'll need to stay for a few days for observation. You’ll do PT with our therapist to make sure you won’t have any lasting trauma to your limbs.” 

“What is your name?” Clarke asked. 

“Dr. Robins. Just ask for me if you have any pain, okay? I've told the guard the same thing.” 

“Thank you, Dr. Robins. I, um... I appreciate you helping me.” 

“Of course, doctor.” 

No one had called her doctor in so long that it sounded foreign. The woman left and Clarke was alone again. Her dream had felt so good. She wondered what things would look like for their marriage if Clarke was released. She refused to let herself go down that road. It was still much too big of an _if_. 

The nurses trod lightly when working with Clarke throughout the day and evening. None of them looked her in the eye. Clarke was used to nurses respecting and listening to her. It affected her more than she thought it would. 

“Could I... is there any way I could make a phone call?” Clarke asked the physical therapist when he entered the room. 

“Let me ask your guard,” he said. The therapist stepped into the hall and spoke to the guard sitting out there for a moment. When he returned, there was a frown on his face. “I’m sorry. He said you aren’t allowed any contact.” 

“It’s okay,” she said. “Thank you for asking.” 

“You’re welcome, doctor,” he said. “Are you having any pain? Have you had the full function in your arms and legs?” 

“Yes,” she said. Clarke wiggled her fingers and lifted the arm that was not cuffed above her head. 

“Good. Everything looks good on your scans by the way. Would it be weird if I asked why you had a guard outside? No. Don't answer that. It was stupid of me to ask. You just... you don’t seem like the usual felons we get around here from the prison.” 

Clarke blushed. “No, I... I didn’t do anything. I'm surprised you haven’t heard from everyone else. I'm a surgeon. I know how word spreads around a hospital. Faster than a high school.” 

The guy chuckled as he moved the blanket off her legs. He raised her foot and bent her knee. “I would agree with that. I've been upstairs for most of the day. I work in the pediatric unit for the most part.” 

“I love pediatrics. I have a young daughter. She's four.” 

“That’s a great age.” 

Clarke nodded and watched him go through the motions of checking her limbs for any trauma. She would take this over being in prison any day, but she was scared to return. A wild part of her wondered if there was a way to break out of here. Being on the run every day did not sound like a good life. 

At least in prison, she could see her daughter and wife. They were the only good things she had left. 


	11. Chapter 11

Lexa woke up sweating and shaking. She threw the blanket off her body. It landed with a thump on the floor. Clarke had always been the one to change out their comforters to fit the season. Lexa had never been too cold or too hot while sleeping when they were living together. 

She held her head with both hands. Her body was cold from the sweat covering her body now. The dream she had been having suddenly came to mind. Cameras. Video cameras. Neighborhood security cameras. Lexa climbed from her bed and rushed down the hall. She opened her laptop. 

“Mommy?” Kennedy said from her doorway.

Kennedy was wearing her matching puppy pajama set. Lexa glanced at the clock and saw that it was two in the morning. 

“Baby, everything’s okay,” Lexa said. “I just had to do something really quick. Go back to sleep.”

Kennedy walked over and put her head on Lexa’s lap. She rubbed the little girl’s back for a moment as she finished reading the document open on her computer. Once done, she lifted Kennedy in her lap. Her heart was still pounding from the excitement of discovery. There was no way she was going to be able to go back to sleep now, but Kennedy had to.

“Want to lay down in my bed?” Lexa asked.

Kennedy nodded. Her eyes were already closing. Lexa carried her into the bedroom and laid her down on Clarke’s side. She covered Kennedy up with a thinner blanket. When Lexa got out of the bathroom, she noticed Kennedy sucking her thumb. Their daughter had not done that since she was nursing and a few months after she stopped at the age of two. 

Lexa laid down on her side and watched Kennedy sleep. It had not been more than ten minutes since she walked into the kitchen in her pajamas, but it felt like a lifetime to Lexa. She needed it to be morning so she could search for whatever video footage she could find. Lexa had a good feeling about it. They had already scoured security cameras from the businesses surrounding the bar Finn took Clarke to. They also checked the hospital for any sign of Clarke’s car to no avail. 

Kennedy made the same sucking noise she had when she was an infant. She was regressing for a reason. Kennedy was suffering more than she showed outwardly and that broke Lexa’s heart. Something about this reminded Lexa of her childhood. When Clarke was pregnant, Lexa promised that their baby would never have to suffer the way she had when growing up. 

The only common denominator in it all was her mother being in prison. Lexa had only been three when her mom was arrested the first time. Thankfully, her father had been there to step in until she got out. That's how she met Anya, her stepsister, whose mom happened to be married to her father at the time. The next two times her mom was arrested, her dad did not come to her rescue. When she was seven, her mom was arrested for the third time and Lexa knew she would be shipped off to child services if anyone found out that she was alone. Lexa ended up taking care of herself for four months until a neighbor turned her into the cops. The lights and water had been cut off by the time the cops arrived to take her to the group home.

Kennedy was about the same age as she was the first time her mom was arrested. Lexa did not remember. She hoped Kennedy would not either. The only reason she knew about it now was that Anya remembered it. 

“Ma...” Kennedy mumbled in her sleep. 

Lexa moved blonde hair from her baby’s face. She curled further around her legs and continued sucking her thumb. 

Lexa sighed as she climbed out of bed. She reached into the bottom of her closet and pulled out a hoodie. The hoodie had Clarke’s medical school printed on it. Lexa had taken it from their closet while packing to leave. She carried it to the bed and laid it over Kennedy’s shoulders. Her daughter sighed in contentment as she was now surrounded by her mama’s smell. 

* * *

_ [Nine Years Earlier] _

_ Lexa took a deep breath as she sat outside the apartment building. She hoped Clarke was home. She had been unable to find out Clarke’s schedule without tipping off one of her friends. All she could do was hope that the four-hour drive from New York had not been wasted. _

_ Her hands were sweaty as she carried the bouquet up the stairs. Clarke liked to tease her about it, but she was the one who made Lexa’s hands sweat the most. No one had ever had such an effect on her. Lexa was still not used to the feeling of being in love. _

_ Their fourth anniversary had passed a few days ago. It had been the first that they had not spent together and the first since becoming engaged. Clarke had worked a sixteen-hour shift that day and Lexa had two classes. But Lexa had the weekend off work.  _

_ She took another deep breath before knocking on Clarke’s apartment door. The engagement ring on her hand was a comforting weight. She often found herself staring at it and unable to believe its implication. Someone wanted to marry her. Clarke Griffin wanted to marry her. Why Clarke wanted to be was beyond her understanding.  _

_ The door was suddenly pulled open and a laughing girl stood in front of her. Lexa had never seen this woman before. Her mind went through every worst-case scenario. Clarke had fallen in love with someone else. Clarke was going to break up with her. _

_ “Clarke!” the woman shouted over her shoulder.  _

_ Would the other woman shout for Clarke if they were sleeping together? Lexa had no idea. But when Clarke came into view, she smiled wider than Lexa had ever seen and ran at her. Clarke threw her arms around Lexa’s neck and kissed her until they were breathless. _

_ “What are you doing here?” Clarke asked. She pulled away just enough to look Lexa in the eyes.  _

_ “I missed you,” Lexa said. “And I wanted to bring you these.” _

_ Clarke took the bouquet with a smile. “My favorites,” she said. “You and pink roses.” _

_ The woman who was previously standing at the door slipped past them and started down the hall. “See you Monday, Clarke!” she said. “Have fun.”  _

_ Lexa watched her fiancée close the door behind them. She stayed close to the door as Clarke found a vase under the sink. Their apartment still looked the same except the new textbooks littering the coffee table. Clarke’s mom had given it to them when they moved in. But the apartment was different now that she did not technically live there. Technically, Lexa lived in an apartment in New York while going to school online and interning at a law firm. _

_ She looked toward the door where the unknown woman had walked through and left. Lexa walked back into their bedroom to find the bed made up. Clarke never made the bed.  _

_ “Hmm, no talking first?” Clarke teased. She put her hands on either side of Lexa’s waist. _

_ “You made the bed?” she asked. _

_ Lexa could see the hurt flash across Clarke’s eyes as it clicked. “You... why are you asking me that?”  _

_ “Because you never make the bed.” _

_ “And here I thought you came back here to... If you have something to ask, just ask.” _

_ “What is it you think I want to ask?” _

_ Clarke took a step back and folded her arms across her chest. She stared at Lexa for a moment before scoffing. She rolled her eyes and started back toward the kitchen. Halfway down the hall, she turned back and pointed her finger at Lexa. _

_ “I proposed to you,” Clarke said. “ _ I  _ proposed to  _ you  _ because I love you. I proposed to you because I want to marry you and be with you forever. Now, I'll say it one more time. If you have something to ask me, then do it before I get really upset, Lexa.” _

_ “Okay. Who was that girl in our apartment?” Lexa asked. _

_ Clarke stared at her for half a minute, her hands on her hips, and her jaw clenched. “I cannot believe you,” she said. “Lexa, do you honestly believe I could even think of anyone else?” _

_ Lexa did not want to believe it. She had grown up learning that no one truly gave a shit about anyone other than themselves. If her mother could not love her, how could anyone else? She felt herself begin to panic. This had happened a few times in her life but never in front of Clarke. She focused on her breathing as she stared into Clarke’s eyes. What would she do without her fiancée? Anya had a newborn and a husband. She was no longer the older sister who got Lexa out of every jam. _

_ “Lex,” Clarke said, sighing. She stepped forward. “That was  _ _ Emori _ _. We work together at the hospital. She came over to eat Chinese food and ice cream because her boyfriend was being a dick and we both had today off.” _

_ Lexa leaned against the wall and slid down until she was sitting on the floor. It felt somehow easier to breathe down here. Clarke moved to sit beside her and laced their fingers together. Lexa did not deserve her. _

_ “I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa said. “I... god, I'm such an asshole. I just get so... I don’t know how to explain it. I hate the thought of losing you and it makes me think crazy things.” _

_ “I hate the thought of losing you, too,” she said. “But I don’t and will never want anyone else. I want you, Lexa. I only want you. I've only ever thought about you since meeting you at the bar. You didn’t make it easy then either.” _

_ Lexa chuckled, sadly, and let her head fall back on the wall. _

_ “But you’re worth fighting for,” Clarke said.  _

_ She held up the hand her engagement ring rested on. Lexa took it and kissed the ring. She ran her finger over Clarke’s palm. _

_ “I’m sorry,” Lexa said. “I love you.” _

_ “I love you too, crazy girl,” Clarke teased. “Oh, by the way... I got you a new hoodie to wear.” _

* * *

Lexa did not sleep for the rest of the morning. She watched Kennedy sleep for a while and sent out a few emails from her phone. She did whatever work she could from the bed until the sun rose. Lexa showered as slowly as she could, waiting for Ken to wake, and even made breakfast. 

The security camera footage lingered in her mind. Whatever she found would have to be turned over to the state attorneys, but at least they would have proof that Clarke was home when she said she was. 

On a normal day, they would be eating breakfast and talking about going to see Clarke. Officer Porter called the day before but knew nothing about Clarke’s condition. All she could tell Lexa was that Clarke would not be back for visitation. When Lexa told her that they would not be able to see Clarke yesterday, Kennedy had been upset. It was probably why she had been saying Clarke’s name in her sleep.

“Mommy!” Kennedy called from the master bedroom. 

Lexa ran into the room, fearful that something bad had happened, but found her daughter still under the covers. She was crying and covering her face with her hands.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

But Kennedy just cried more. Lexa noticed the wet spot now in the middle of the bed where she had been sleeping. It had been over a year since Kennedy wet the bed.  Their daughter was regressing in more ways than one. 

Lexa sighed and sat on the edge of the bed where it was not soiled. “It’s okay, Kenny,” she said. “It’s okay. Let me fill the bathtub for you. Come here, sweetheart.”

She lifted Kennedy from the bed, out of the mess, and carried her into the bathroom. Lexa held her as the tub filled with warm water despite her clothes becoming dirty. The little girl had stopped crying by time Lexa put her in the tub. 

Lexa’s back leaned against the bathroom cabinet doors as she sat on the floor. Kennedy was now playing with toys in the tub while Lexa’s mind was a million miles away. Clarke would know exactly what to do if she were here. She had been the one to do most of the potty training. Clarke knew more about developmental stages. Not only had she taken classes during college and med school, but Clarke had also read everything she could about development while pregnant. Lexa had loved listening to Clarke talk about it and learning through her wife. 

Arguably, Clarke’s pregnancy had been the best year of their marriage. They both loved their daughter more than life itself, but Clarke had been so happy while pregnant. She glowed the entire nine months. They had been lucky to get pregnant so easily. 

The perfect life Clarke had built for them was  _ crumbling _ . It had started with Lexa leaving and ended with her arrest. The longer Clarke was in prison, the harder it would be for her to get back to normal life on the outside. 

Now, Kennedy was having her own problems. While she played in the tub, Lexa pulled her sheets off the bed. She remembered Clarke using vinegar to clean the mattress when Kennedy was potty training but could not remember how. She had to look up the directions on the internet. She cleaned the baking soda up with the vacuum as Kennedy got dressed. 

* * *

Kennedy was more somber than usual as they entered Anya’s house. Her sister laid a plate down in front of Aden of chicken tenders and fries. The boy barely glanced up from his iPad. Anya grabbed the fry from his hand. 

“Hey!” he complained.

“What do you say?” Anya asked. 

Aden smiled as he looked up at her. “Thank you, mom,” he said.

She kissed his head before putting the fry in his mouth. Aden laughed. Lexa had spent her childhood being jealous of her stepsister. That same jealous had followed her into adulthood. Even though Anya was not their father’s biological daughter, he loved Anya more. Realistically, Lexa knew that he had not loved her more. Anya had been the daughter of the woman he loved. Their father had not spent any time with Anya unless her mom was there. 

“Hey,” Lexa said. “Thank you for letting her come over.”

“Of course,” Anya said. “Have a seat, Kennedy. I’ll make you a plate and you can watch whatever Aden is while you eat your lunch.”

“Okay, Aunt Anya,” she said. 

Aden smiled at her as she climbed into the seat beside him. Once they were both eating, Anya poured coffee into two mugs and followed Lexa to the back porch. They sat on the porch swing. 

“Where’s Roan?” Lexa asked.

“He went hunting with his friends. He tried to  convince me to let Aden go this time. We fought for, like, two hours later night about it. I won, of course, because he would have to pry Aden out of my dead hands before I let my baby go hunting,” she said.

“I don’t blame you.”

“What are you doing today?”

“I’m going to go door to door to see if any of Clarke’s neighbors have those doorbell cameras. I'm hoping I can prove that she was home when she said she was.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“I’m sure they’ll argue whatever I can prove. The footage wouldn’t be too hard to argue. The time of death is hard to determine  definitively . It could have taken him a while to die after the murderer left.”

“Well, their job is to argue every single point you make.”

Lexa shrugged and stared out at her sister’s big yard. Aden's playset was toward the edge of the trees surrounding their property line. It was still in good condition despite it being almost ten years old. Kennedy had begged for a playset when they lived together in the house. It had been on their list of home projects.

“Clarke, uh... she got hurt pretty bad,” Lexa said. “They couldn’t tell me  much, but I do know that it’s a head wound. Someone did it to her in there. Raven wouldn’t tell me the woman’s name.”

“Who’s Raven?” Anya asked.

“She was Clarke’s friend in there until she got out, like, a week ago.”

Anya took a sip from her mug and sat back. They  swung in silence for a moment. Lexa looked through the kitchen window to make sure the kids were okay. They were still eating and watching videos by the looks of it.

“I’m glad she didn’t give you the girl’s name,” Anya said. 

Lexa’s shoulders slumped. She knew what her sister was thinking. The thought had  crossed her mind. Clarke would never forgive her. Had Lexa been younger, she would not have hesitated. Kennedy had forced her to grow up and put someone else first. Her feelings toward protecting Clarke had to be put on the back burner for now. She would have to do everything within her legal power instead.

“I should get going,” Lexa said. “I’ll come to get her as soon as I can.”

“No rush,” she said. “I’ll take the kids to the park or something. We can go get dinner if you aren’t back by then.”

“Thank you. Let me know if she starts to get upset. She had a rough night. Wet the bed and everything. She'll be ready for a nap soon. I brought a pullup for her to wear.”

“She’s only four and a half, Lex. Aden wore a pullup for a while.”

“I know. It's just never been a problem until now. I'm sure she’s fine.”

“I know she’s fine, little sis. It's so sweet to see you like this kind of mom. You've always been so good with her.”

“You seem surprised.”

“I am. How many times did I have to pick you up from school for smoking in the bathroom or fighting?”

“Different times in my life, An. I’ll see you later. Thanks for watching Ken.”

Lexa kissed Kennedy’s head on the way towards the door. Her daughter demanded another kiss before letting her mother leave.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it will get better soon! just building up the drama

Clarke wished they could have, at least, opened the blinds in her hospital room. She had gotten so used to the darkness of prison that the overhead light felt like too much. The guard had denied her request of opening the blinds to let the sunlight in. Apparently, he had to leave them closed for her safety. It was strange to think of someone wanting to kill her. Perhaps sometimes she wished they would.

There was a knock at her door before the doctor entered. “You’ll be released in a few hours,” Dr. Robins said.

Clarke sighed as she turned to look at her. “Yeah, that’s what the guard just said too,” she said. “I guess I have no choice.”

“ Unfortunately, not,” she said. “Maybe this isn’t my place, but... I looked up some of your journals last night. The world lost a  good doctor.”

Clarke’s eyes stung with unshed tears. She could not look at the woman fully, so she kept her eyes on the scrub pants she wore under her white coat. Clarke missed hers. The hospital had probably thrown it out along with everything else she left in her office that Friday.

“I didn’t do it,” Clarke said. “I know that... I'm sure all inmates you meet say that, but... I have a little girl. She's four. Even if he had... I wouldn’t have risked leaving her.”

“I have six-year-old twins,” Dr. Robins said. “I know what you mean. No one knows how hard medical school is unless they’re in it. Why would you spend ten years killing yourself there to lose it all on one asshole? I do have a question though. I'm sure you’ve asked yourself the same thing before, but... why didn’t you call the cops that night?”

Clarke thought back to that night. She had asked herself plenty of times. “What would the cops have done?” she asked. “If I would’ve called, I doubt I’d be here now. Sure. But the cops wouldn’t have done anything. My wife is a lawyer. I called her  after, and she just told me to go home. I had no way of knowing someone was going to kill him that night. I didn’t even think she believed me at the time.”

“I guess you’re right about that. I've seen so many rape victims. I make reports and never hear anything back. It's sad.”

Clarke had seen her fair share of abuse victims. Some required  intensive surgeries from the injuries they suffered and yet their attackers usually went free of punishment. Some were even married to their abusers. She remembered going home and hugging Kennedy even tighter those nights. Clarke would look over at Lexa, wondering how she got so lucky, and think of all their good times. 

“I’m not sure I’ll go back to medicine once I get out,” Clarke said. The words surprised even her. “If I get out. I think I'll just get a normal nine to five office job. Stay home with my daughter as much as I can. After everything I've seen... nothing will ever  be too boring for me again.”

The doctor smiled but it was sad. Clarke would normally object the pity in her eyes. Not many had pitied her since entering prison except Lexa. But it felt right in her current situation. She was cuffed to a hospital bed with a head wound caused by another inmate slamming her head into a concrete wall. The pity  felt good. 

Clarke should be surrounded by her family as she healed. Instead, they had given her basic care and were sending her back to a prison cell as soon as possible. 

“I have a feeling that... that it’s going to be harder to get out than it was to get in,” Clarke said. 

“What do you mean?” the doctor asked.

“It’s going to be hard to adjust to the outside world again,” she said sadly. “It terrifies me to think about it.”

* * *

_ [Six and a Half Months Earlier] _

_ Clarke watched Finn weave through the crowd on his way to the bathroom. She picked up the bottle in front of her and took a long drink. Thankfully, there was not too big of a crowd in the bar despite it being the weekend. Clarke glanced back at the door and wondered if she could slip out without Finn noticing. _

_ “Can I get you another?” the waitress asked. _

_ “Yes, please,” she replied. _

_ While waiting for her next drink, she took her phone out of her purse. She debated texting Lexa to ask how Kennedy was doing tonight. She had not heard from her wife or daughter all day. Clarke had been hurt that Lexa insisted she go on this date.  _

_ When Finn asked her out, Clarke had told Lexa about it. They were still married after all. It felt like a respectful thing to do. She had hoped that Lexa would tell her not to go. Perhaps Lexa would say ‘go on a date with me instead,’ but she did not. Instead, much to Clarke’s surprise (and fears), Lexa said that it would be a good idea to go out with him. She still remembered the pain in her heart after hearing those words slip from her wife’s lips. Clarke had been thankful they were speaking over the phone and not in person or she would have cried. _

_ “Sorry,” Finn said when he returned. “Long line.” _

_ “That’s a first for a men’s room,” she said.  _

_ Clarke was trying to have a good time but was failing. She would much rather be snuggled up with Lexa on the couch as they watched Kennedy play. Lexa would always run her fingers over Clarke’s neck because she was ticklish. Clarke loved it though. If she thought hard enough, Clarke could still feel the touch. Sometimes Clarke would try to do it to herse _ _ l _ _ f _ __ _ w _ _ h _ _ e _ _ n _ __ _ s _ _ h _ _ e _ __ _ m _ _ i _ _ s _ _ s _ _ e _ _ d _ __ _ L _ _ e _ _ x _ _ a _ __ _ a _ _ t _ __ _ n _ _ i _ _ g _ _ h _ _ t _ _. _ __

_ If this was going to be Clarke’s life from now on, she would never be happy again. Dating was not something she  _ _ thought _ _ she would be doing again as she approached the age of forty. Clarke had been sure of the direction her life would take when meeting Lexa at the age of twenty-four. Thirteen years later and she was dating again. Life seemed very unfair right now. _

_ “I should probably get home,” Clarke said. “I have surgery in the morning.” _

_ “Right, yeah,” he said. “F _ _ a _ _ n _ _ c _ _ y _ __ _ s _ _ u _ _ r _ _ g _ _ e _ _ o _ _ n _ __ _ a _ _ n _ _ d _ __ _ a _ _ l _ _ l _ _. _ _ ” _

_ Clarke fought the urge to roll her eyes and stood from the chair. As they walked out, Clarke thought about this man  _ _ eventually _ _ meeting her daughter. She did not want him to. She wanted Finn to stay as far away from Kennedy as possible. She had not even mentioned having a kid the entire dinner. The only  _ _ personal _ _ thing he knew about Clarke was that she was a doctor. He had, at least, seemed impressed by that. _

_ But Clarke got a weird feeling from him. She had met plenty of bad people through her line of work including gang members, rapist _ _ s _ _ , _ __ _ s _ _ e _ _ r _ _ i _ _ a _ _ l _ __ _ k _ _ i _ _ l _ _ l _ _ e _ _ r _ _ s _ _ , _ __ _ an _ _ d  _ _ p _ _ l _ _ e _ _ n _ _ t _ _ y _ __ _ o _ _ f _ __ _ o _ _ t _ _ h _ _ e _ _ r _ __ _ p _ _ e _ _ o _ _ p _ _ l _ _ e _ __ _ s _ _ h _ _ e _ __ _ a _ _ s _ _ s _ _ u _ _ m _ _ e _ _ d _ __ _ w _ _ e _ _ r _ _ e _ __ _ c _ _ r _ _ i _ _ m _ _ i _ _ n _ _ a _ _ l _ _ s _ __ _ t _ _ h _ _ a _ _ t _ __ _ w _ _ e _ _ n _ _ t _ __ _ u _ _ n _ _ d _ _ e _ _ r _ __ _ t _ _ h _ _ e _ __ _ p _ _ o _ _ l _ _ i _ _ c _ _ e _ __ _ r _ _ a _ _ d _ _ a _ _ r _ _. _ __ _ L _ _ o _ _ o _ _ k _ _ i _ _ n _ _ g _ __ _ a _ _ t _ __ _ F _ _ i _ _ n _ _ n _ __ _ f _ _ e _ _ l _ _ t _ __ _ t _ _ h _ _ e _ __ _ s _ _ a _ _ m _ _ e _ __ _ a _ _ s _ __ _ l _ _ o _ _ o _ _ k _ _ i _ _ n _ _ g _ __ _ a _ _ t _ __ _ t _ _ h _ _ e _ _ m _ _. _ __ _ H _ _ e _ __ _ m _ _ a _ _ d _ _ e _ __ _ h _ _ e _ _ r _ __ _ u _ _ n _ _ c _ _ o _ _ m _ _ f _ _ o _ _ r _ _ t _ _ a _ _ bl _ _ e _ _. _

_ “ _ _ I _ __ _ h _ _ o _ _ p _ _ e _ __ _ I _ _ ’ _ _ m _ __ _ n _ _ o _ _ t _ __ _ b _ _ e _ _ i _ _ n _ _ g _ __ _ t _ _ o _ _ o _ __ _ f _ _ o _ _ r _ _ w _ _ a _ _ r _ _ d _ _ , _ _ ” _ __ _ F _ _ i _ _ n _ _ n _ __ _ s _ _ a _ _ i _ _ d _ _. _ __ _ “ _ _ B _ _ u _ _ t _ __ _ I _ __ _ w _ _ o _ _ u _ _ l _ _ d _ __ _ l _ _ i _ _ k _ _ e _ __ _ t _ _ o _ __ _ c _ _ o _ _ m _ _ e _ __ _ h _ _ o _ _ m _ _ e _ __ _ w _ _ it _ _ h _ __ _ y _ _ o _ _ u _ _. _ _ ” _

_ The words made her feel like a stupid teenager again. Clarke had only been fifteen when she had sex for the first time and had immediately regretted it. She could not remember the words that boy said to get her in  _ _ bed, _ _ but Finn’s sounded like something a teenager would say. _

_ “Umm, that is forward,” she said. “But you can’t. Sorry.” _

_ Finn stepped closer to her so her back was pushed against the car door. As he kissed her too roughly, s _ _ he was scrambling to reach for her car keys inside her purse. Finn knocked it from her hand when he pulled away. Clarke's heart pounded loudly in her ears and her sweaty hand could not get a grip on the door handle. She looked around for anyone to save her and found no one. When she tried to shout, Finn covered her mouth with his hand.  _

_ Finn’s knee pressed between her legs. She cried out at the jolt of pain that flashed through her body. His fingers were fumbling with the buttons on her shirt. Clarke was unable to believe that this was going to happen in the middle of a parking lot. She wished she had taken up Wells offer of kickboxing classes when they had been in med school together. He had not liked her walking home alone in the dark. _

_ This was not something she ever thought would happen to her. Clarke was not a  _ _ twenty-year-old _ _ college student any longer. Becoming a victim was something she had worried about then but not seriously.  _

_ Clarke screamed beneath his  _ _ hand, _ _ but it was not loud enough to be heard over the music inside the bar. No way was she going to let Finn win. (But he did in the long run.) _

_ The next time Clarke knew, she was driving home. Her hands were  _ _ shaking, _ _ and her  _ _ adrenaline _ _ was through the roof. She had no recollection of picking her purse up off the  _ _ ground, _ _ but her phone appeared in her hand a second later. _

_ “Lexa,” Clarke said. “Listen. Something  _ _ really bad _ _ just happened. I don’t even know but I'm driving, and I don’t know what to do.” _

_ Clarke needed Lexa to give her  _ _ encouraging _ _ words. She needed her wife to take it all away as she had so many times  _ _ before, _ _ but Lexa was not the same woman she had been then. Lexa did not want to protect Clarke any longer. She did not want to love her. _

_ She told her everything she could remember, including the person pushing Finn away, which she vaguely remembered. How else could she have gotten away from him? Someone must have  _ _ come _ _ out of the bar and saw what he was doing. _

_ After telling Lexa everything, she did not feel better. Lexa did not believe her. Clarke could tell that Lexa thought it had  _ _ been a _ _ normal situation that she was  _ _ exaggerating _ _. (That was not true from Lexa’s perspective.) The call ended when Clarke parked in the driveway. _

_ Someone knocked on the door a few hours later. Clarke was still awake and sipping a glass of wine in the kitchen. She closed her eyes. She was sure that Finn had come back to kill her. He must have figured out where she lived somehow. He was going to kill  _ _ her, _ _ and she would never see her girls again. _

_ “Police!”  _

_ “What?” Clarke asked. Was this a trick? _

_ “Open the door!” _

_ Clarke did as she was told. Lexa must have called them. They must be here to take a statement from her. Instead of asking her any questions, they shoved her against the wall and roughly handcuffed her wrists.  _

_ “You are under arrest for the murder of Finn Collins,” one of the men said.  _

_ Clarke did not hear anything else they said from the state of shock she was in. She knew her rights because of Lexa and stayed silent.  _

* * *

Kennedy heard the door close behind her Aunt Anya. She turned on her other side and looked out the window beside Aden’s bed. She would rather be in her bed. She wanted to be at her house. The blanket was too thin. The pillow was not right. It was too fluffy. 

She felt better with her thumb in her mouth. It was comforting in a way she could not explain. Her fingers twirled a piece of her hair. Her aunt had told her she should take a nap, but Kennedy did not want to. No one ever asked her what she wanted. Only her mommies did sometimes. She wished they were here with her right now, especially her mama. 

The pullup hurt her legs. She did not want to wear it. Kennedy was not a baby. Her mommies always told her that she was a big girl. She was a big girl. But she was a sad girl. It had started when her mommy moved. Aunt Anya had told her that things would be okay because they would move back in together but then her mama moved even farther away. She never got to see her anymore. 

Her mama used to stay with her until she fell asleep sometimes. She would sing her silly songs and kiss her. It always made Kennedy feel happy. But she was happiest when her mommies were together. They would always smile and laugh and give each other hugs and kisses. Then they would give her hugs and kisses. 

Kennedy slid out of her cousin’s bed and pulled open the door. Her thumb stayed in her mouth until she found her aunt and uncle in the living room. 

“I want my mommy and my mama,” Kennedy cried. 

“Sweetheart,” Anya said, sighing. 

Kennedy knew that sigh. It was a bad news sigh. She ran back down the hall and climbed under her aunt’s bed. Maybe if she just laid her with her arms around her legs, her mommy would have to come back to get her. Her aunt Anya would have to call her mama, too. She was not going to leave this bed until both her mommies came to get her out.

“Kennedy,” Anya said. “Come out from under there.”

Kennedy shook her head even though no one could see her under the bed. “My mommy and my mama can come to get me,” she said. 

“Baby, you know that your mama can’t come to get you,” Anya said. “But I'll call mommy and see if she’s done.”

“I’m not coming out! Not  till mama comes! Call her and tell her! She’ll come get me!”

Kennedy heard her Uncle Roan talking about something. Then she heard Aden. He seemed upset with her and it made her sad. Kennedy did not want to be sad anymore. She was tired of being sad and she was tired of her mommy being sad, too. 

She must have fallen asleep because, the next thing she knew, her mommy was buckling her into her car seat. Kennedy looked to the front seat where her mama had always sat and found it empty.

“Where’s mama?” she asked.

“She couldn’t come, honey,” her mommy said.

* * *

Clarke's heart and mind were heavy as she was led back to her cell. She heard inmates talking to her, as they always did when she traveled anywhere, from inside their own cells. When she returned to cell 201, everything had been  ransacked . She stood, frozen in shock, as she stared at her torn apart medical journals and pictures. Someone had ripped pictures of her baby into unrecognizable pieces. 

Their cells were always unlocked for meals and throughout most of the day. Clarke has assumed they would not unlock hers. She fell to her knees and tried to gather the pieces. Those pictures were the only things she had in here to keep her sane. The women who did this did not want her to be sane. They wanted to break her. It was working.

“I would like to make a phone call,” Clarke said, falling back on her heels. 

“I’ll come back to get you when it’s your turn,” the guard said before locking her inside the cell. 

Clarke spent the next two hours trying to piece the pictures back  together, but she had nothing to make them stick. She had no tape or glue. It did not matter anyway. The pieces were too small and jagged to see anything anymore. Her head hurt from squinting for two hours.

“Let’s go, 201,” another guard said. “You get your phone call.”

Clarke was feeling the lowest she had ever felt. She thought Lexa was not going to answer. That would have completed her shitty day, but Lexa did.

“You’re back?” she asked.

“Yes,” Clarke replied. “I, um... could you bring me some more pictures? Someone ruined mine while I was gone.”

“They did what?”

“Someone ripped all of them up and... could you just please bring me some more?”

“Of course, sweetheart. I'll bring some more Sunday and I'll mail you more books and stuff. I'm sorry someone did that to you.”

“It’s fine. Doesn't matter. I should have expected it.”

Lexa sighed. Clarke could not be  sure, but it sounded like she started to cry. “Just... give me a letter. I'll handle the rest. One letter. Better yet,  initials . Even a cell number. Something, Clarke. Please.”

“No.”

“Clarke, I have a bad feeling.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise. Just focus on getting me out of here and we won’t have to worry about anything ever again.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Good  afternoon , ma’am,” Lexa said.

The woman behind the screen door looked at her wearily. Lexa tried to forget that her wife’s future may ride on whatever she finds out from her neighbors. It was frustrating that she could not just snap her fingers and solve all their problems. Her life had never worked out that way. Lexa had no idea why she was surprised by everything happening now.

“I’m not sure if you remember me, but I live with my wife just down the street,” Lexa said. “Would you happen to have one of those  security cameras that points to the street?”

“No,” the woman replied before closing the door.

Lexa took a deep breath and turned to walk to the next neighbor. Most told her no and some did not even answer the door even though  there were cars in the driveway. One guy  slammed the door in her face. He  must have known exactly why she was asking for the footage. 

Their house sat at the end of the street. Lexa could see it as she was only two houses away. Finally, she made it to the house next to theirs where an elderly woman lived who had always liked Kennedy. She was sitting on the porch, sipping tea, when Lexa climbed her porch stairs.

“Lexa, it has been a long time,” the woman said.

“Hi, Audrey,” Lexa said. 

“Please, have a seat,” Audrey said, motioning toward the rocking chair beside her.

Lexa did as she asked. She looked over at her old yard where Kennedy had spent years playing and learning. They had taken so many walks along this road. Kennedy used to fall asleep in her stroller. Sometimes they would walk for hours until she finally did on difficult evenings. 

Audrey disappeared into the house and returned with a mug of tea. She always drank herbal tea. Lexa would have preferred  coffee, but this was good too. The woman was, at least, decent enough to not slam the door in her face.

“I came to ask you something,” Lexa said. “I was wondering if you had a security camera with video footage. Hopefully.”

The woman looked over at her and nodded. “I do,” she said. 

Lexa sighed and slumped back in her chair. She finally let her body relax. The sun was beating down, but the roof of the porch shaded them. 

“You know, I woke up when they came to arrest her,” Audrey said. “I couldn’t believe it.”

She was surprised that the woman wanted to talk about it. Audrey was a very kind woman. Lexa had been half expecting her to  fear Lexa. It seemed like everyone outside of their family believed that Clarke was guilty. 

“Clarke was always so nice. I know she didn’t hurt that boy,” Audrey said. “How is your little girl doing?”

Lexa sighed in relief that the woman did not believe Clarke could  _ murder  _ someone. They had lived next to Audrey for almost six years and had spoken to her so many times. They had sat on this porch more times than she could count. Lexa remembered Kennedy being a newborn in her carrier, sleeping, while they talked to Audrey on this porch.

“Not good,” Lexa said. “She doesn’t understand. She misses Clarke.”

“Poor girl,” she said. 

“Yeah. She's, um... things are just kind of hard right now. I was hoping to use that camera footage to prove that she was home when she said she was.”

“Could you... I have the app but I’m not  sure how to work it. My son usually does it for me.”

Lexa nodded and took the phone from the woman’s hand. She emailed the footage to her professional account. As anxious as she was to go home and watch the footage, Lexa did not want to be rude. It also felt nice to relax and forget about her problems for a moment. 

“Thank you so much, Audrey,” Lexa said. She took a sip of her tea. “You could have possibly just saved Clarke’s life.”

Audrey chuckled nervously. “I can’t take all the credit,” she said. “My son is very overprotective.”

“He’s a nice guy.”

They had only met in passing a few times, usually on holidays, but he was always friendly to them. Lexa was aware of how their relationship made people feel. It was annoying and unwarranted, but it was their reality. The state attorneys had even tried to use their marriage against Clarke in court. Nathan Miller, Finn’s attorney, had said that Clarke only went out with him intending to kill him. He had said that Clarke was married to a woman and would have no reason to go on a date with a man. 

Lexa’s phone rang and her sister’s name was on the screen. She debated on ignoring it, but then she remembered that Anya was watching Kennedy. 

“Sorry,” she said to Audrey before answering the call.

“Hey, Lex,” Anya said. “So... your daughter crawled under my bed and said she isn’t coming out until Clarke comes to get her.”

Lexa sighed and rubbed at her eyes as she always did when she was stressed. “I’ll be there soon,” she said. 

She hung up and stared down at the phone for a moment. Lexa felt sorry for her daughter. Lexa knew what it was like to have a rough childhood, very rough, but this was a different experience that Kennedy was having. Her daughter did not have to eat expired food or live without electricity as Lexa did for months at a time. Kennedy, like Lexa, had to deal with everything that came along with having a mother in prison though.

“I’m sorry to leave you like this, Audrey,” Lexa said. “I’m so grateful for this footage.”

“I’m happy to help. If you need anything else, please let me know,” she said.

“I will. Thank you.”

Lexa drove to her sister’s house. Her hands shook slightly as she was excited to finally  prove that Clarke was home when she said she was. If she was lucky, it would be enough to have the charges dropped completely. There was a slim chance of that  happening but not unheard of. 

Roan was on the couch with Aden when she arrived. Neither of them looked up at her as she walked through the living room and into the bedroom where Anya was. She could feel their annoyance coming  off them in waves. How could they be upset with a scared  four-year-old little girl? 

Anya was sitting on the bed when she finally got to the end of the hall. She was folding sock pairs together. 

“I won’t ask you to watch her again,” Lexa said. She got down on her knees and found Kennedy asleep, curled up, under the bed.

“Come on, Lexa,” she said. “That’s unfair. I had no way of knowing that she was upset. I just put her down her a nap and she came out of the room so upset.”

“That isn’t what I'm mad about. Your husband could, at least, act a little concerned.”

“Don’t mind him. He doesn’t pay attention.”

“Pay attention?! You know what, I'm not going to have this conversation with you. I have always taken care of Aden when the two of you needed it. Hell, Clarke used to beg you to bring him over when her baby fever was out of control.”

“Roan’s an asshole, Lexa. You know that.”

“Whatever. You’re the one married to him.”

Lexa reached under the bed as far as she could and pulled Kennedy out from under it. Her daughter was asleep with her thumb in her mouth which did not surprise Lexa. She had been upset when crawling under there. Kennedy probably thought that her  mothers would never come to get her. She held Kennedy to her chest as she left her sister’s house. Once Kennedy was buckled into her car seat, she woke. 

“Where’s mama?” Kennedy asked.

“She couldn’t come, honey,” she replied sadly.

Lexa kissed Kennedy’s head before closing the car door. 

* * *

Kennedy refused to lay down in her bed that night. Lexa had a feeling that she had started something by telling her she could sleep in Lexa’s. Instead, her daughter demanded to be held as Lexa worked on her laptop. Lexa used one arm to hold Kennedy’s head as the girl laid across her lap.

She opened her email and clicked on the one sent from Audrey’s home  security app. Her heart pounded as she opened the large file. It took a few minutes to find the right video clip  according to the date and time at the bottom of the screen. She pressed play.

There must be some mistake. Clarke’s car does not pull into the driveway until ten. Finn’s time of death was thought to be at nine. The footage of Clarke and Finn at the bar had an eight- thirty time stamp. That would mean that it had taken Clarke an hour and a half to get home. That could not be right. It would have only taken, at the most, a half-hour to get home from the bar. She should have pulled into the driveway at nine instead of ten.

“Clarke...” Lexa mumbled, confused, and upset.

There had to be an explanation. Lexa wrote a few notes down on the paper next to her computer. Then, she heard Kennedy’s soft sucking sound. Her daughter had fallen asleep. Lexa saw that it was already close to ten pm. 

She carried Kennedy to her bed and made sure she was comfortable. Lexa had a hard time walking away. She got down on her knees and watched Kennedy sleep. Watching that video made Lexa question everything. Clarke had promised that she was home by nine. Lexa had put everything into that detail. If it was untrue, their whole case fell apart.  _ Everything  _ fell apart if that was not true.

* * *

_ [Four Years Earlier] _

_ Lexa  _ _ heard _ _ their newborn crying from her office. When she came out to get Kennedy from her swing, she found Clarke holding Kennedy on the couch. The way Clarke was staring down at the baby worried her. The past few days had been rough. They had not been prepared for a newborn as much as they had tried to be. _

_ “Sweetheart,” Lexa said softly. She moved to sit beside them. Kennedy was still crying as Clarke stared down at her. “Maybe she’s hungry.” _

_ “No,” she said simply. “She wouldn’t latch.” _

_ “Then let me take her and see if she needs to be changed.” _

_ “No. She's dry.” _

_ Lexa sighed as she looked at Clarke’s face. They had hardly slept in the three weeks since Kennedy was born. The breastfeeding had been going well, but Clarke was not as happy with it as she thought she would be. Nursing their baby had been an important detail discussed while Clarke was pregnant.  _

_ The look in Clarke’s eyes as she stared at their baby worried Lexa. She reached over and took Kennedy from her hands. _

_ “Go take a nap, Clarke,” Lexa said.  _

_ Kennedy calmed when she was pressed to Lexa’s chest. The silence, after five minutes of crying, was nice. Clarke pushed herself off the couch as Lexa pressed kisses to Kennedy’s head. Her smell was intoxicating. It was all baby and innocence. _

_ “She doesn’t like me,” Clarke said.  _

_ Lexa startled when she heard the voice. She had thought Clarke was gone. When Lexa looked back, she was standing in the hall with her arms folded tight across her chest.  _

_ “What are you talking about, honey? She loves you,” Lexa said. _

_ “She cries every time I hold her. She won’t latch and I... sometimes it feels like they gave us the wrong baby,” Clarke said. _

_ “They gave us the right baby, Clarke,” she said. “She’s perfect. Just like her mama. And she’s doing well with nursing, sweetheart. You’re doing amazing.” _

_ Lexa had read about this while Clarke was pregnant. There was something about the sudden hormone change... She could not remember the exact name, but she knew it was common for new mothers. Last week, Clarke mentioned her fears that Kennedy would hate her when she grew up. _

_ Kennedy started to cry again. Lexa looked at Clarke over the back of the couch again. “I think she wants you, sweetheart,” she said. _

_ Clarke rolled her eyes but walked over to them anyway. She sat down on the couch and Lexa laid Kennedy in her arms once more. The baby opened and closed her mouth. Despite how upset she had previously been, Clarke was grinning now. Clarke’s finger ran over Kennedy’s cheek and her little fingers wrapped around it.  _

_ Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulder and forgot about everything else for a while as she bonded with her girls. _

* * *

Instead of waiting for Clarke to call, Lexa  drove to the prison on Wednesday. It was two in the afternoon when she arrived, having dropped Kennedy off at Abby’s on the way and getting roped into eating lunch with them. Lexa had not mentioned the security footage with Abby and Kane because it would only worry them more. 

Lexa knew that she would not have to worry about Kennedy having an anxiety attack as she had yesterday if that’s what happened anyway. Roan’s energy had not helped. The worst part was that Anya had not called to apologize since she left. 

Indra was behind the desk when Lexa entered. The security checks were just as intimidating as they always were. Kennedy hated going through the metal detectors and Lexa could not blame her. It was intimidating for adults. 

Lexa took her notepad from her bag after sitting behind the thick glass. She grabbed a pen just in case. Her heart pounded as she waited. When Clarke was brought in, she was still cuffed. Lexa’s heart broke all over again. The past few days had been so hard. She had thought that seeing Clarke would make things  better, but things seemed harder.

“I was expecting you today,” Clarke said.

“Yeah, I needed to talk to you about something and it couldn’t wait,” she said.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, um... Audrey had footage of you pulling into the driveway and I watched it and... Clarke, you didn’t get home until ten that night.”

Clarke stared at her, expressionless, for a long time. Lexa knew her wife well. She was overwhelmed by her feelings. Lexa felt the same way. Ever since the night before, she had been extra worried about the outcome of their case.

“I got home at nine,” Clarke said. 

“Not according to the video,” she said. “It says ten. Maybe you just... went driving around for a while or something? That night was scary for you.”

“Scary? That night was scary?”

“Is traumatic a better word? That isn’t the point, Clarke.”

“Then what is the point? I told you that I was at home by nine. There must be some mistake with the video.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not sure that’s a  possibility . What could be wrong with the video?

“Maybe it wasn’t a  setback for daylights saving time or something. I don’t know! But I told you that I was home at night. I called you in the car and that was at eight forty-five. By the time we ended the call, I was almost to the neighborhood.”

Lexa had not thought of that. Perhaps the security system had to be moved back for the loss of an hour, but she was not sure if the court would believe that. It was too close of a call to make Lexa comfortable.

“You don’t believe me,” Clarke said. 

“I do believe you, Clarke. I'm just trying to be rational here. I don’t think the jury is going to believe that.”

“I don’t care what the jury believes. I care about what you  believe, and I can tell that you think I'm confused about what happened that  night .”

“Baby, listen...”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me.”

Lexa sighed in exasperation. “Fine.  _ Clarke, _ listen... I only know what you have told me. You have told me many times that there are some things you don’t remember. You didn’t remember getting in your car. You didn’t remember  pushing Finn off you.”

“Okay, so what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that it’s a possibility that you got home at ten instead of nine. You were traumatized and scared.”

“Well, I’m telling you that I didn’t. I got home at nine, Lexa. Whether you believe that or not is your damn problem.”

Lexa took a deep breath as she looked at her wife through the thick glass. It was infuriating that she could not just reach over and touch her. Lexa had a feeling that if she could, it would make Clarke feel better. Lexa realized that this had been the longest she had gone without touching her wife since they met at the bar thirteen years ago. 

“Clarke, it’s your problem and you know it. Yes, it’s mine too because it would mean losing you and I don’t want that to happen. But are you  content with being in here for the rest of your life?” Lexa asked.

“Okay, two things. Don't talk to me like that. Don't act like I want to stay here or that I don’t care. Two, I don’t know how else to explain to you that I was home at nine,” Clarke said, angrily.

“I’m sorry. You're right. If you say that’s when you were home, then that’s when you were home. I believe you, babe. I do. I'll see if it’s possibly just the wrong time on the video. Or else we won’t be able to use it at all.”

“What if Finn’s lawyer gets a copy of it?”

“If they planned on using it, I would have gotten a copy. I'll have to submit it to them if we decide to use it, too.”

Clarke put her face in her hands for a moment and then ran them through her hair. She stared at Lexa as if she was in pain and she might have been. Clarke was in physical, emotional, and mental pain.

“I need to get out of here, Lexa,” she said desperately. 

“I’m trying, my love. I'm trying. I’m doing everything I can.”

Clarke slowly moved her hand to the glass. She splayed her fingers against the barrier separating them. Lexa pressed her hand to the glass. Their palms would be touching. Lexa craved it more than she realized. 

Even in the jumpsuit, Clarke was the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Lexa would move oceans for her. It had been easy to decide who would birth their child. Even if Lexa had wanted to experience pregnancy, she would have wanted Clarke to have their child anyway. She would never regret that decision. Lexa had imagined a little blue-eyed blonde girl that looked just like Clarke. Kennedy was exactly what she had longed for. Kennedy filled a void in Lexa that she had not realized had been missing.

But Clarke was the person who completed her. When Lexa was growing up, she thought it was impossible for another person to love her the way she desperately craved. Her mother had never given her the safety and comfort she needed. Her father did not give her anything. He could not even be counted on to pull her from the waterless, no electricity, dirty house she had been living in after her mom went to prison. Lexa had tried so hard to make it on her own despite only being seven. No one could be trusted to help her.

Clarke had. Clarke had helped her more than she thought was possible. Lexa had never believed in love before meeting the woman. Yes, she had loved Anya but only because they were sisters. Anya was there to help when she needed it but nothing more. She had her own life and raising Lexa was not part of that. 

“I’m going to get you out, my love,” Lexa said. “I promise you that.”


	14. Chapter 14

_ [Four and a Half Years Earlier] _

_ Lexa sat down at her desk just as the sun rose. She had a court hearing early that morning and still needed to prepare a few things before leaving for the courthouse. She took the latest ultrasound picture out of her briefcase and laid it on her desk. She liked looking at it when things got too stressful. It was exciting to think that their baby would be in the world in less than three months. The first six had gone by too quickly in Lexa’s opinion. Clarke claimed that it had gone by slowly, but Lexa could tell that Clarke loved being pregnant. She was more confident than she had ever been. _

_ They had decided on their baby’s name just a few weeks ago. Lexa took out a pen and wrote ‘Kennedy Alexandria – six months.’ Her heart fluttered as she ran her fingers over the ultrasound image. Their baby was perfect. Ten fingers and toes. Her organs were functioning properly as far as the doctors could tell. She loved that Clarke wanted her middle name to be Lexa’s full name. She never thought she would have a baby of her own if she was being honest. Growing up with shitty parents had not made her too eager to bring another life into the world. _

_ “Aww,” someone said, suddenly standing in front of her desk. _

_ Lexa pulled her eyes away from the picture and looked up to see who had interrupted her. The new girl. Of course. Charlotte was still trying to prove herself. The girl also talked way too much for a corporate setting. _

_ “Who is that?” Charlotte asked. _

_ “My baby,” Lexa said, proudly. _

_ “I had no idea that you were pregnant. Wow. You're so skinny. My sister didn’t show until she was like six months into her pregnancy with her first baby. By the third kid, she was huge at three months.” _

_ Lexa took a deep breath and forced herself to grin. “That’s nice,” she said. “But I'm not pregnant. My wife is.” _

_ “Oh,” Charlotte said. “Oh, um... that’s great.” _

_ She was being overly nice because she was shocked. Lexa was used to this. She had come out of the closet so many times that she had experienced every  _ _ kind _ _ of reaction by now. Thankfully, most people did not care what she did with her own life and who she did in her bedroom. Sometimes they were jealous of who she did. Especially when they saw Clarke. _

_ “Yes. I think so, too,” Lexa said. _

_ Lexa still had a hard time believing that people did not think that others should be with whoever they loved. It seemed like such a basic concept. How could someone in this world not think that her baby was born from unconditional love? The world was not the same if she and Clarke were not together. Kennedy would not exist without it. _

* * *

Lexa found Kennedy in her bed when she woke. In a strange moment of hope, she thought the weight on the other side of the bed was Clarke. It was like a constant ache to miss her now. She wondered if, when Clarke got out of prison, things would go back to the way they were before she asked for a separation. Of course, Lexa regretted it  now, but she had no way of knowing this was going to happen. 

Lexa had a hard time understanding why she had ever asked for a separation in the first place. She knew that Clarke was the love of her life and she did not want Kennedy to grow up in two homes where Clarke had the opportunity to be with someone else. Kennedy would always be hers no matter what. When separated, Lexa had worried that Clarke would find a man to date and Kennedy would grow attached to him and they would have the perfect American dream life while Lexa stayed in her crappy apartment working too many hours on depressing court cases.

She climbed out of bed  slowly, so she did not wake her daughter. It had been two weeks since Kennedy saw her mom in person. Today was an exciting day. Excitement had turned into something different since Clarke went to prison. They used to get excited about new furniture and seeing hummingbirds drinking from the feeders in their backyard. They would praise Kennedy for her dances and how fast she ran (which was slow like her mom), but now they got excited about just seeing each other. Lexa had no idea if Clarke even got excited about it anymore.

“Mommy?” she heard as soon as the bathroom door closed. 

Lexa opened the door again. “Yes, honey?” she asked.

“I have to go potty,” Kennedy said.

In fear that Kennedy would wet the bed again, Lexa quickly scooped her up and carried her to the bathroom. Kennedy pushed herself back on the toilet while Lexa turned on the water to fill the tub.

“When you’re done, you should take a bath so you can be clean when we go see mama,” Lexa said.

“Mama’s not hurt no more?” she asked.

Lexa sighed. She did not even know how Kennedy found out. She must have overheard a phone conversation. “She’s feeling better,” she said.

Once the tub was half full, Lexa helped Kennedy climb into the warm water. She sat on the floor beside the tub to help her bathe quickly. She had a raging headache and it was only nine in the morning. Once in the kitchen with a clean daughter who was trailing water from her hair, she took two pain relievers and swallowed them down with almond milk. Clarke had gotten her in the habit of buying almond milk instead of regular.

Lexa found herself nervous to see Clarke. Things had changed so quickly in her case. It did not look good for them at all as far as the tape went. Clarke’s lies on the stand, even if she had believed them to be true at the time, would already be a red flag. The jury would begin judging her  immediately . 

When someone knocked on the door, Lexa’s heart pounded. She had received so many calls and emails from newspapers and other press for a story about Clarke. Thankfully, it was not someone with a  notepad or camera standing in front of her door. Her peephole revealed Raven.

“Hey,” Lexa said as she pulled open the door.

“Hey,” she said. “Sorry to barge in on you like this but I have something to tell you and I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

“Raven!” Kennedy called, already running across the apartment to get to her. She jumped into Raven’s arms the second she was close enough.

“Hi, pipsqueak,” Raven teased which made Kennedy laugh.

“That is one of my favorite character's name on TV,” she said.

“Sweetheart,” Lexa said, taking Kennedy from her arms. “Go eat your cereal before it gets all soggy. Mama hates it when... you hate it when it gets all soggy.”

Kennedy took the hint and pulled herself up on the kitchen chair once more. Lexa’s headache was  worse than  ever, but Raven looked nervous and hopeful. 

“So... Finn was a really bad guy,” Raven said. “I had someone look into him and he has a ton of rape accusations retracted in a bunch of departments around the state.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t find anything,” Lexa said.

“His dad used to be the sheriff,” she said. “That’s how come they disappear so quickly. And that’s also why Clarke’s in prison, I’m assuming. The cops needed someone to blame and... Clarke was an easy suspect.”

Lexa rubbed a rough hand down her face. “I’m not going to ask how you found all this out,” she said. “But is there anything we can do?”

“Yes, but... there’s something else. Someone confessed.”

* * *

Clarke was smiling genuinely for the first time in a long time. Lexa reached out and gripped her wrist. Kennedy pressed tighter against Clarke’s chest and the woman kissed the top of her head again.

“You did it,” Clarke whispered.

“No, Raven did,” Lexa said. 

“When can I get out of here?”

“Soon, baby. I promise. Hopefully, this will be our last visitation.”

“Tell me everything. What did you find?”

“Well, Raven apparently has a friend in law  enforcement who may or may not be a dirty cop, I didn’t ask, but Finn’s dad was a  sheriff, so they rushed to arrest someone. You were right about the video. I went back to Audrey’s and asked  her, and she said she had not fixed her system since the last time change. You're so smart.”

Clarke blushed. “You’re the smart one. You've been working so hard on all this and... and I don’t give you enough credit.”

“Sweetheart, you do. And I did this for me. I can’t lose you.  I'm sorry I ever let you go to begin with.”

“This isn’t your fault. I was going through a rough patch and I took it out on you.”

“Let’s talk about this when you’re out of prison, my love. I just want you back with me.”

“I want you back with me too, mama,” Kennedy said, looking up at her now. 

Clarke smiled and kissed her. “I can’t wait,” she said.

* * *

Lexa took a deep breath as she knocked on her sister’s door. Abby had easily agreed to watch Kennedy and was  ecstatic to hear the news that someone had confessed to the murder of Finn Collins. Someone at her firm was currently at the police station to find out what needed to be done to get Clarke out of prison. The stress of dealing with the case alone had almost broken her. She passed some of the  responsibilities off to the best lawyer at their firm and had slept better since that day. Clarke supported that decision.

“Lexa?” Anya asked.

“Yes, it’s me,” she said.

Her sister opened the door fully. She had a strange look on her face that Lexa could not read or understand. Anya blinked slowly. 

“I came by to tell you that I’m sorry about the other day,” Lexa said. 

“It’s fine,” she replied shortly. “See you later.”

Lexa put her hand on the door to stop it from closing. “What’s going on?” she asked. No one appeared to be home with her which was odd.

“Nothing, Lexa.”

“You promise?”

Anya let out a deep breath. “Yes, I promise.”

“Clarke’s getting out a prison soon. Someone confessed.”

“That’s... that’s so great,” Anya said. It was hollow though, emotionless. 

Lexa did not feel good about the way her sister was acting, but Anya was known to have up and down days. Her teenage years had been rough on  them . She had had more down days than not especially when Lexa moved in with her. Anya had worked three jobs to get by. Lexa had made things worse by acting out. She still felt guilty for it.

“Call me if you need anything or just to talk or... anything, okay?” Lexa asked. “I’ll come running.”

“Thanks, Lexa,” she replied. Anya took another deep breath before closing the door. “Love you.”


	15. Chapter 15

A week went by with no word from Lexa. Every day that went by was more depressing than the one before. Since Raven was released, Clarke had not gotten close to anyone else on the inside. She was constantly on edge that someone would hurt her again. Although the thought of  lying in a hospital bed for a few days was quite  appealing at this point. 

She still had no idea who confessed to Finn’s murder. There was a part of her who did not believe the person who confessed had  killed him. She had no idea why. Perhaps it was some psychological trauma that made her believe she had killed him herself? Clarke knew she had not killed Finn. Even in a blackout state, she would never murder anyone. Plus, the timeline did not make sense even if it was a possibility.

With the excitement of the confession, Lexa had forgotten to bring her more pictures of Kennedy or anything to read. Clarke laid in bed every night, not able to sleep, with nothing to do. She was slowly going more insane than she already had. The thought of getting out was exciting and  terrifying .

Clarke missed Kennedy like a constant ache. But she was no longer the mother she was before prison. Before prison, Clarke had felt so elated to take Kennedy out and explore with her. They had spent many weekends at the park or getting ice cream. But all Clarke wanted to do now was get inside her house and stay there forever. If she left, Clarke would have to face the world who not only wronged her but will continue to treat her like a criminal. 

Clarke was tired of the world. Somehow, she had survived the past seven months. She was not sure if she could survive much longer. She was just tired.

The bars on her floor unlocked for breakfast. She was not hungry but not going would look suspicious and the guards did not like that. It had always been frustrating that Clarke did not have normal human freedoms such as not eating when she did not want to. She was very much looking forward to getting out of prison and sleeping in her own bed. She was looking forward to the fresh air.

“Griffin,” Murphy said as she approached the  cafeteria doors. 

“Yes?” she asked.

“I saw on the news that someone confessed. Do you know anything about that?”

“No. Lexa told me last  week, but nothing’s happened since then. I haven’t even heard from her since then.”

“Well, I’m happy for you. I never thought you should’ve been here anyway.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

Clarke did not eat anything on her tray. There was now a knot in her stomach on top of all the other stress she felt. Why had she not heard from Lexa this week? She had thought that she was busy dealing with the person who confessed but if it was already on the news then why was Clarke still in prison? 

She startled when someone sat down next to her. Clarke had been so lost in thought that  Ontari joining her had scared her half to death.

“Did your wife hire someone to confess?” Ontari asked.

Clarke wanted to laugh at the accusation. Lexa barely wanted to be married to her any longer. Why would she hire someone to confess and risk going to prison? It was laughable  and frustrating. This woman had done nothing but torture her, so Clarke was not surprised.

“No,” she croaked, her throat very dry.

“You know,”  Ontari said, leaning forward to they were only inches apart now. “I bet your little daughter is excited about your release.”

Clarke stared into  Ontari’s eyes and tried to  gauge her intentions. The words put her on edge. Besides visitation, which  Ontari had never witnessed, how would she know about Kennedy?

“Do  _ not  _ threaten me,  Ontari ,” Clarke said. 

As fearful as she was on the woman and her entourage, Clarke could not handle the fear of her daughter being hurt. She already had so many other things to worry about. So many important things, but nothing was more important than Kennedy. At least she and Lexa agreed on that.

“That is not a threat,” she said. “To you.”

Clarke leaned over the table until her hips pressed painfully into the wooden table. She was close enough to kiss the woman and it probably looked like that from afar. The air around them grew overly warm.

“ Ontari , if you fuck with my daughter,” Clarke growled. “I will rip your fucking limbs off with my bare hands.”

“Ooh, I’m trembling,”  Ontari said, baiting her. “Plus, it wouldn’t be me. I have years to finish up here first. Perhaps I’ll wait until I’m out or... maybe not. You  weren't built for prison, blondie.”

“You’re right about that,” she replied, voice deep and low. “But I know how to inflict pain. And if you think for one second that I would ever let you get away with hurting my baby in any way, you’re very, very wrong about that. You touch one hair on her  head, and I’ll make you beg me to kill you.”

Ontari’s lip twitched as if she was about to say something else. She smirked,  small , before standing and walking back to her table. The woman next to her was glaring but Clarke’s heart was pounding much too hard to care right now. The adrenaline lasted for the rest of the day. She almost wished someone would do something to her, so she had a good excuse to release the aggression she felt. Prison has completely changed  her, and it was terrifying.

* * *

Clarke did not talk to Lexa until visitation on Sunday which was two days later. As soon as she saw Lexa, she knew something was wrong. The woman was smiling and acting as though she was happy, but Clarke knew her Lexa too well. She knew all of Lexa’s moods. This was not one she experienced too often anymore. This was what Clarke called Lexa’s ‘dark mood.’ The usual fire behind her eyes was gone. Her ‘dark moods’ usually came before Lexa tried leaving. 

Clarke braced herself for whatever was going to happen. This was worse than  Ontari’s threats in her mind. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Lexa said.

Clarke sat down across from her. “Hi, honey,” she said. “Where is Kenny?”

“She’s with your parents. Sorry, your mom and  _ stepdad _ .”

“Okay. I was... I was kind of expecting her to come today. I... I haven’t heard from either of you all week.”

“I know and I’m sorry. It's been... it’s been a crazy week. With Kenny’s dances and my new cases and then whatever’s going on with Anya...”

“Wait. New cases? What does that mean? You took on cases?”

“Well, you’re getting out soon and I didn’t get much of a choice. The partners told me I had to pick up some of the slack, Clarke.”

Clarke took a deep breath and tried not to get angry. It did not work. “And when am I getting out? Because I keep waking up in here even though the guards told me it was on the news that someone else confessed.”

“Actually... you’re getting out today.”

Clarke’s stomach dropped as her heart fluttered. She was excited and terrified. “Today? When?”

Lexa took a deep breath and reached out to place her hand over Clarke’s. “You’re coming home with me,” she said. “After they do all the necessary things, of course.”

As amazing as the news was, something was still bothering her wife. She was in disbelief that she was going to be leaving with Lexa. She was going to ride in a car with her again. She was going to get to hold her daughter for as long as she wanted without time constraints. She was going to get to take a bath in her tub  _ tonight _ . 

The  check-out process took much less time than the check-in process did. Gustus  even hugged her. Murphy said he was going to miss her. She hoped they knew how much she appreciated everything they had done for her over these past seven months. Since there was nothing personal left in her cell, she took the bag from Indra with her personal affects inside. She shoved it into the pocket of her jeans.

Feeling the denim against her skin was weird and scary. Her jeans were much looser than they had been when she wore these pants over half a year ago. Seeing the outfit on her body brought her back to the night that changed her entire life.

Stepping out of the prison was an  experience she was unable to describe. Every night she thought about this  moment, but it was a million times better than she could have imagined. Having Lexa at her side was the best part. She did wish Kennedy was here with them. In her dreams, Kennedy’s small hand was in her other one.

But she was happy. This portion of her life was finally  over, and she could start moving on. The air seemed fresher than it had ever been in her entire life. She looked up at the sky as if her father would be looking down at her. She imagined that he was looking down even though she did not think there was a heaven exactly. Her father’s energy was  present though. 

The sun almost hurt her eyes. It was overwhelming. Clarke refused to look back to see what the prison looked like from the front. She did not want to see it ever again for as long as she lived. Lexa’s dark mood was putting a damper on Clarke’s good mood though.

She pulled open the passenger side car door and almost sat on the bag of  personal items she was given before leaving. Her engagement and wedding rings were inside. She took them both out and stared down at the way they sparkled in the sun. She could feel Lexa’s gaze on her as she held them between her thumb and forefinger. After a moment of thought, Clarke slid them onto her left hand. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?” Clarke asked as they pulled out of the parking lot. She kept staring out the window as she spoke.

“Nothing’s wrong with me, sweetheart,” Lexa said. “I’m so happy to have you back.”

“Sure. But there is something else.”

Lexa sighed and it confirmed what Clarke had just said. “It’s Anya... I don’t what to talk about it right now. Not on our big day.”

“What’s wrong with Anya?”

“She’s been ignoring my calls. She was acting weird when I stopped by last weekend. It doesn’t matter right now. What do you want to do with your first day of freedom?”

“I just want to spend time with you and Kennedy. I wouldn’t hate it if you wanted to grab takeout.”

Lexa smiled for the first time since Clarke got out of prison and Clarke realized that this was nothing like she imagined her release going. She had imagined stepping through the gates with outstretched arms and hugging her girls. Instead, she got a grumpy Lexa who was again overworked and too stressed to spend too much time analyzing Clarke’s feelings. It was something that had always bothered Clarke about Lexa.

“I’ll pick up whatever you want, babe,” she said.

* * *

Clarke finally cried when Kennedy ran across her mother’s yard with her arms stretched wide and the biggest smile on her face. Holding Kennedy, who was now officially five, gave her the feeling she had expected to feel earlier. Perhaps it was the uncertainty of Lexa’s intentions with their relationship that put her on edge but, no matter what happened between them, Kennedy would always be hers. Clarke’s blood ran through Kennedy’s veins. There was no one she was closer to than her daughter.  Ontari’s threat ran through her mind as she smelled Kennedy’s hair. She would die before letting anything happen to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> give me your Lexa theories.... I love reading your predictions


End file.
